Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Why does she hides them from me.

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Why does she hides them from me.

    My ex changes boyfriends quite often i wouldn't care if she had a gang bang on daily basis but why is she hiding her guys from me? The other night she came to pick up the kid for dinner and told him dont tell daddy "mike" was with us. The boy came home and said daddy, mike was again with us and mom said that. I told him again that he shouldn't tell secrets from parents unless there is something bad.

    3-4 weeks ago she told the k7d"if you tell dad that mommy is dating mike, you will lose me forever". Daddy already knew that because "mike is a friend of a friend" but that threat to the child was a bad thing to do.

    I only had issue once with her previous bf but became friends later that he even called me and said he wishes my son to cure from cancer and my ex and him are over.

    Just cant figure out why she is hiding it when like i said, i could care less.

  • #2
    Since we don't know her we can only guess. Maybe she feels as if it none of your business if or who she dates? If she is asking for or receiving Spousal support maybe she worries that it will affect her eligibility. Maybe she is trying to make you jealous. Maybe she is just playing games. Who knows? There isn't one answer to that question it may be that there are a myriad of reasons she is doing that. To quote Linkin Park " In the end it doesn't even matter"

    Comment


    • #3
      First off, it's none of your business. The part you should have an issue with is the child being directed to keep secrets from you. This is clearly unsafe and all childrent should be taught that keeping secrets from their parents is not good and they should immediately tell their parents, a teacher or trusted adult if an adult asks them to keep a secret from their parents. Teach your child the difference between a secret and a surprise and let the ex know via email that you are doing so as being told to keep secrets is dangerous for them.

      Here is a good resource on what and how to teach kids about secrets, they use the term safe secrets but i find this can be confusing for your kids and prefer to use the term surprise instead:

      http://www.kidpower.org/library/arti...nsafe-secrets/
      Last edited by blinkandimgone; 11-23-2014, 05:09 PM.

      Comment


      • #4
        -She is hiding it because of slut shaming (women may partners = bad etc...)
        -if she rotates boyfriends often it might look bad in front of a judge - sign of instability.
        -since you have CS issues with her if she ever claims undue hardship
        -Also, I think its because where her 27th relationship fails and you've known about relationships 1-27 she will know that she looks a failure who can't keep a relationship or is being "used" thus at fault even in your relationship breakdown.

        That's my personal reflection on the topic based on my own situation;
        Last edited by Links17; 11-23-2014, 10:56 PM.

        Comment


        • #5
          Until "Mike" sexually, physically, or is verbally abusive to your child you got nothing

          When a child says Mike yells at him/her....call the cops...get a Report

          If you are 100 percent sure your kid will tell a shrink or child lawyer the same secrets you heard... then consider legal action

          Your EX has a right to a life , sorry about who ever has cancer

          Court cases are not won on "concerns" and kids have their RADAR up for whatever gets them extra cookies...so be careful

          EX will deny everything and blame you....unless her last BF (your new buddy) wants to testify at a Trial (for you) or swear out at affidavit for a Motion

          The kids are realizing things as they grow and they are tougher than you think....let them come to there own conclusions.......you just be there for them when EX delivers them to your doorstep.
          Last edited by MrToronto; 11-24-2014, 12:30 AM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Links17 View Post
            -She is hiding it because of slut shaming (women may partners = bad etc...)
            -if she rotates boyfriends often it might look bad in front of a judge - sign of instability.
            -since you have CS issues with her if she ever claims undue hardship
            -Also, I think its because where her 27th relationship fails and you've known about relationships 1-27 she will know that she looks a failure who can't keep a relationship or is being "used" thus at fault even in your relationship breakdown.

            That's my personal reflection on the topic based on my own situation;
            Bingo!!

            Just hiding her sluttiness :-)

            Comment


            • #7
              Call the cops because someone yelled at your child? That's ridiculous. Seriously.

              Comment


              • #8
                Yes SERIOUSLY serene and I wrote YELLS (plural)

                A boyfriend has no rights as a parent, he's nothing more than a familiar stranger to a child.

                in this case a child is also being told to keep secrets which is bad enough

                There are things kids don't say because they are to young to understand what bad behaviour is or verbalize it.

                You have a situation here where there is crappy communication between parents. One parent is acting irresponsibly, making sh!t life choices.

                Serene you ever have a Ex-spouse's boyfriend/girfriend hit your child or make your child cry.
                A parent can get pretty protective when this happens, maybe even to the point of confrontation with a boyfriend/girlfriend and it's bests for police to be called.

                Anyways off topic ...but have a great day
                Last edited by MrToronto; 11-24-2014, 01:39 PM.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hitting a child is totally different than yelling at a child. There have been times over the past 5 years where I have had to raise my voice at my partner's children because they were misbehaving or they were about to do something that would case them harm (like attempt to jump from the playground set in our backyard to the tree branch). Whether it is a new partner or not, if someone has to raise their voice to the child, this is not a reason to call the cops. Teachers raise their voice to children, should we call the cops on the teachers too?

                  Yes, if someone is hitting a child (parent or not) CAS or the cops should be called, but suggesting someone call the cops because someone raised their voice (yelled) at a child is horrible advice.

                  And just so you know, I have been the reason my step children have cried a time or two. If I end up taking a toy away because they are fighting over it, or turn off their video game because they can't take turns, they usually get upset and shed a few tears. Oh well, life goes on. They realize that if they continue to fight and not take turn they lose their toys. Dad does the same, grandparents, aunt's & uncles do the same, daycare and teachers do the same. This is not abuse and does not constitute called the cops.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I feel like this thread went from zero to crazy in an instant.

                    Yelling is not a matter that substantiates police involvement.

                    Mr. Toronto - I don't even know where you came up with the hitting bit... but I'd question the judgement of someone who calls the police for raising their voice with any person. Remember, even a judicial parent/teacher/adult will have to raise their voice from time to time.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by MrToronto View Post
                      ...I wrote YELLS (plural)
                      I think people are getting tripped up on words. Mr. T didn't write "raise voice once in a while". What he wrote was "Yells". Thus, the development of a pattern of consistent yelling. The same type of criteria we use of determining emotional/psychological abuse in domestic situations. Myself, I differentiate the term "raising voice" and "yells". Yes, teachers raise their voice. If ANY teacher were to yell at my child consistently then I would investigate and put a stop to it.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Fair enough, perhaps we interpreted the words incorrectly. Its still not a police issue. If you think a child is being abused it's a CAS issue.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          The whole 'yelling' bit is still an unfortunate distraction from what was posted.

                          TheIceberg mentioned an important detail. This mother is encouraging their child to keep secrets, and is saying completely inappropriate things like "if you tell daddy about mommy's new boyfriend, you'll lose mommy".

                          That's an extraordinarily messed up thing to say to a child. I hope that we can all agree on that.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Straittohell View Post
                            The whole 'yelling' bit is still an unfortunate distraction from what was posted.

                            TheIceberg mentioned an important detail. This mother is encouraging their child to keep secrets, and is saying completely inappropriate things like "if you tell daddy about mommy's new boyfriend, you'll lose mommy".

                            That's an extraordinarily messed up thing to say to a child. I hope that we can all agree on that.
                            It is truly messed up and I do think TheIceberg is smart enough to speak to his child and let the child know that they don't need to keep secrets from Dad. No child should be put through that.

                            It reminds me of what my step son said to us this weekend. We are fortunate to have the children for 3 weekends in a row due to Xmas plans. He said to us yesterday that he gets excited when he comes to our place and that his Mom says to him, "Why do you hate me that you want to go to Daddy's all the time?"... he is only 9 and enjoys spending time with his father, but his mother tries to shame him. We let him know that we love when he comes and stays with us and we are lucky when we get extra weekends.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Serene View Post
                              Fair enough, perhaps we interpreted the words incorrectly. Its still not a police issue. If you think a child is being abused it's a CAS issue.
                              Agreed. I think Mr. T was seeking avenues to avoid calling the ex's boyfriend in the heat of the moment when tempers are running high.

                              In terms of Yelling, versus raising voices, etc .. This is quite a useful list of parental behaviors that constitute psychological maltreatment

                              We can use the terms "raising voice and yelling" but a lot of it has to do with "What's being said" (content) as well in determining intervention.

                              Psychological Maltreatment

                              Psychological maltreatment (also known as emotional abuse and neglect) refers to "a repeated pattern of caregiver behavior or extreme incident(s) that convey to children that they are worthless, flawed, unloved, unwanted, endangered, or only of value in meeting another's needs."<SUP>10</SUP> Summarizing research and expert opinion, Stuart N. Hart, Ph.D., and Marla R. Brassard, Ph.D., present six categories of psychological maltreatment:

                              • Spurning (e.g., belittling, hostile rejecting, ridiculing);
                              • Terrorizing (e.g., threatening violence against a child, placing a child in a recognizably dangerous situation);
                              • Isolating (e.g., confining the child, placing unreasonable limitations on the child's freedom of movement, restricting the child from social interactions);
                              • Exploiting or corrupting (e.g., modeling antisocial behavior such as criminal activities, encouraging prostitution, permitting substance abuse);
                              • Denying emotional responsiveness (e.g., ignoring the child's attempts to interact, failing to express affection);
                              • Mental health, medical, and educational neglect (e.g., refusing to allow or failing to provide treatment for serious mental health or medical problems, ignoring the need for services for serious educational needs).<SUP>11</SUP>

                              https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/us...oundationc.cfm

                              Comment

                              Our Divorce Forums
                              Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                              Working...
                              X