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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 08-31-2012, 07:32 AM
caranna caranna is offline
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She says she is doing God's work now and that He will provide for everything she needs so doesn't want anything from me.
She should realize that with her fair share of assets, she would be able to do a lot more, financially speaking, in furthering God's work.

Is she afraid of you? Have you been abusive, controlling? Has she been harassed and intimidated...threatened?

Does she feel controlled by you? Has she given up?
  #12  
Old 08-31-2012, 09:32 AM
Moolight Moolight is offline
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This still doesn't sound right to me, she is going through depression, guilt or maybe even denial. There is psychological stage to go through when a marriage falls apart.


You should still do the right thing and gave her share that belongs to her.

The fact that she is giving everything to you does not mean she understand properly what she is doing. I am telling you this will come back to haunt you.


The reality is that if you do it right and gave her share now, you increase your chance for everything to go smoothly.

Face she is willing to give you everything and you are more than willing to take it. Why are you not willing to instead say let do it fair and equitable so we can maintain respect to each other. You have a child together; think about it, your relationship with her is not over.


You have a chance to do it properly and that what you should do. It is in the best interest of the child that both parents keep a collaborative and respectful relationship.


Her lawyer will not force her but will show her what is equitable and fair. Maybe she has other properties that balance everything out at the end.

But if you are taking advantage of the situation, her lawyer has the duty to make her realize that before she sign anything.

Does she even realize that she will have to pay for child support as giving you everything does not eliminate that?


Again, I am telling you, do it right as you have a chance for a simple uncontested divorce. Why are you so greedy?
  #13  
Old 08-31-2012, 12:30 PM
Lava Lava is offline
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Caranna, there is no abuse or anything in the marriage, she just went on a different path which I did not and she feels that she needs someone who feels the way she does. There is no hate or anger between us, her leaving is not my choice.

Moolight. I don't feel I am taking advantage of the situation or being greedy. We could also include the property she owns which might work out in my favour if it is valued at more than our shared assets. Her signing our assets over to me was her idea. I also wouldn't want child support from her.
  #14  
Old 08-31-2012, 01:14 PM
OrleansLawyer OrleansLawyer is offline
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You both need ILA in order to make the agreement valid
Contrary to this common assertion, an agreement is perfectly valid without ILA. The chances of the court tossing it out, however, are increased without ILA (or a waiver thereof).

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You don't want her to come back years from now and ask for the agreement to be set aside because she didn't have proper representation/the agreement was made under duress/she was mentally incapable.
This is sound advice - although limitations period applies.

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Personally, with such a one sided agreement, I make her see 2 different lawyers for ILA and eat the cost. It will likely save you money down the road.
Sound advice.

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Otherwise, she will get legal advise against it and your legal battle will start. Better make it right from the beginning and keep it simple.
ILA can result in an affidavit from the solicitor saying that she was advised not to sign the agreement. It is ultimately her choice to do so (or not).

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You should still do the right thing and gave her share that belongs to her.
It sounds like she will be retaining her own assets which approximately balance out the parties NFP. In any event, if she exercises her right to ILA and pursues a financially disadvantageous agreement, should the OP have a fiduciary duty to work against his own interests?
  #15  
Old 08-31-2012, 07:30 PM
caranna caranna is offline
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My question. Can we just go to a lawyer and have him write up an agreement transferring all property and assets to my name and giving me primary custody of the child? Can this be done or is it more involved? She is not seeking spousal support or any other money from me.
Caranna, there is no abuse or anything in the marriage, she just went on a different path which I did not and she feels that she needs someone who feels the way she does. There is no hate or anger between us, her leaving is not my choice



If both of you are in agreement for the property and assets to be transferred to your name, having your wife keep her assets, and having primary custody of the child, I don't see any reason why you and your wife couldn't "just go to a lawyer" and have an agreement written. It would be advisable though for your wife to hire her own lawyer, with your wife having him/her known what she wants and you mutual desire to have the divorce as amicable and uncomplicated as possible.

To try and "make" her sign an agreement as was advised doesn't seem like a good idea. It would just start/escalate animosity and harm your child in the process. It sounds like you both know and want what is mutually agreeable, wish to part on good terms, and just want to get the divorce and move on with your lives.
  #16  
Old 08-31-2012, 11:42 PM
randomjohndoe randomjohndoe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Agree with HammerDad - pay for her to get independent legal advice.

Sounds absolutely bizarre. Is she on drugs????
The wife have some morals and conscience. She is leaving the marriage, I imagine to live with other man, and she feel sorry for the husband.

Yes, she must be on drugs in the eyes of greedy b...s
  #17  
Old 08-31-2012, 11:47 PM
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Rjd: clearly it was a rhetorical question.. Save your random verbal abuse for somewhere else. There are a few ppl on here who thought it prudent that the OP's wife get I.L.A.
  #18  
Old 09-01-2012, 06:57 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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Originally Posted by hadenough View Post
Rjd: clearly it was a rhetorical question.. Save your random verbal abuse for somewhere else. There are a few ppl on here who thought it prudent that the OP's wife get I.L.A.
I must add to this its not just for the wife, its also to protect the husband in this case so later down the road it doesnt bite him in the ass.
  #19  
Old 09-01-2012, 11:10 AM
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Agreed SOS: both/all parties should seek I.L.A.
  #20  
Old 09-01-2012, 11:21 AM
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Originally Posted by Lava View Post
I have been married for about 20 years and have a child under 18. All property is in both our names as well as a couple of bank accounts. My wife has decided that she wants to leave the marriage and sign everything over to me, she said she will just take her personal possessions.

My question. Can we just go to a lawyer and have him write up an agreement transferring all property and assets to my name and giving me primary custody of the child? Can this be done or is it more involved? She is not seeking spousal support or any other money from me.
Yes, you can do it all yourself, but I would advise you to do it by the books, to protect both of you in the future.

Go to Staples or look online for a sample separation agreement. Then fill in the blanks with the information pertinent to your situation. Once you both agree with the content, you each take it to a lawyer for independent legal advice. The lawyers will advise each of you what the legal meanings and implications for what you are signing, and let you know if there is anything you are forgetting. Then you might want to amend the agreement based on what you have learned. Once you both have it the way you want, all four of you sign it. Then it becomes binding, and hard to reopen should one of you change your mind later.

There are four main issues it should cover. Sample ones should include them all.

Equalization: This is the division of assets and debts. Each spouse should leave the marriage with approximately equal net worth earned during the marriage. After such a long term marriage, you probably don't have a clue what your pre-marriage net worths were. So the easiest thing to do would be to just divide things. This can be done by you taking some assets and debts and her taking some. And, if you both agree to the division not being equal, that is okay. So if she takes some of her property and you get the house and contents, and you both think that is fair and won't argue, great! You should each prepare a form 13 Financial Disclosure statement, so that it's clear what the net worth is, and where each bit of it is to go. If you are both in agreement about dispensation of all the property, you can save a lot of money by not having appraisals and valuations done.

Spousal Support: In theory, an adult ought to be able to support him/herself after marriage breakdown with no help. In reality, some spouse's careers get disadvantaged in favour of the other's during a marriage. Spousal support can help compensate for this. And some long term marriages are from a different era where the homemaker is unlikely to have a career at all. You don't say if your ex has an income, but it sounds like this won't be an issue. So you include a clause the dispenses with spousal support and says neither spouse will be able to come back and ask for it.

Child Custody/Access: Sounds like you both agree that your child should stay in the same home with you, due to your ex's plans to travel. I feel sad for your child, to have the mom up and leave like that. The child is likely going to feel horribly rejected (I suspect you may share that, but you have more maturity to deal with it), and you may want to seek some counselling for her. Do you think you'll be calling the mother for her input on big decisions for education, medical, religion, etc matters? Or will that be falling solely on you as she'll be out of touch? Have a deep conversation with the ex about this stuff. This will decide if sole or joint custody is where you end up. If you still get along well enough to discuss and make decisions for the child, joint is the best way to go. As for access, it sounds like it will be entirely with you, but you may want to include some stuff about how the child will spend time with the mother, such as during school breaks and summer, and when the mother happens to be back in Canada. Also encourage frequent contact via phone calls and email and videochat and so on. The child is going to need this contact very much.

Child Support: Your ex can't give this up, and you can't agree to it. No matter what you arrange between yourselves, an agreement can be reopened in court later if one parent requests that child support be done properly. It is every parent's responsibility to provide for their children, based on their income. If your ex is going to have an income, she's going to have to send part of it to you for the benefit of your child, as per child support guideline tables. If she has zero income, due to being supported by others, you can consider her income to be full time minimum wage, or higher if her education or circumstances (ie, past employment) demonstrate capability for higher earnings). And she will have to contribute, proportional to both your incomes, to extraordinary expenses like big medical bills or tuition fees.

Once you have these four issues in agreement, the lawyers will do their best to draw your attention to the areas where it is unfair, for several reasons. Possibly, it IS unfair, and they want their client to have a fair agreement. Many lawyers like to do a lot of back and forthing as it increases the bill. But in the end, the job you want them to do is make sure that their client understands what they are signing, unfair or not. Keep firm about what you want, and the cost can stay reasonable.

Once the agreement is signed, you bring it to a real estate lawyer to do the title transfer for the marital home, and the bank to change the mortgage names. The rest can be done yourselves, without the agreement. Close joint accounts, put utilities in the name of the person staying in the home, etc. In fact, do those right away before any weird spending happens!

Good luck!
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