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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #21  
Old 02-19-2021, 02:47 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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drop the child support then? that's the answer?
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  #22  
Old 02-19-2021, 03:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
drop the child support then? that's the answer?
The bigger problem is the cutoffs. Child support should reflect actual percentages of parenting time, rather than an arbitrary 40% line in the sand.

Treating parents who have 38% parenting time equivalent to parents who have 0% parenting time is crazy, and I think is the root cause of much family law custodial litigation.

Imagine 3 parents:

A: 0% parenting time
B: 38% parenting time
C: 62% parenting time

Parent B is closer to parent C than parent A in parenting time, but gets treated just like parent A. Parent B gets no credit. Coincidentally, many parenting schedules put the NCP at roughly 38%.

If getting the kids a few more days only marginally increased my net income, I would not be as incentivized. As I said though, under the current system, if I get the kids a few more days then CS would be set as if I had them 100% of the time, and my had them 0% of the time.

That's a lot of money. I could get the proverbial steak and lobster tail dinners every single one of those extra days, and STILL have enough left over for a great vacation.

Last edited by Janus; 02-19-2021 at 03:12 PM. Reason: added ABC parenting example
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  #23  
Old 02-19-2021, 03:45 PM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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The above post is the BEST articulated summary or overview of fights in courts over kids.

Here is a recap of my court case:

Ex: "Your honour, it must be 5 overnights out of 14. I think that is in best interests of children".
Judge: "Why can it not be 6 overnights?"
Ex: "Because it HAS to be 5, your honour!"
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  #24  
Old 02-19-2021, 04:46 PM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
A: 0% parenting time
B: 38% parenting time
C: 62% parenting time

As I said though, under the current system, if I get the kids a few more days then CS would be set as if I had them 100% of the time, and my had them 0% of the time.
If the parent with 38% makes $100k per year, he/she must pay $910 per month for Table CS. Then on top of that, he/she must also have proper house/apartment to accommodate kids 38% of time, plus transport kids, pay for activities and things to do at home when they are there, plus have all furniture for kids at home, plus clothing, and full fridge. All that ON TOP of paying $910/month. The problem, as mentioned, is that the system is set up to treat a 38% parent like a 0% parent. Often, the parent receiving full CS has a high paying job, sometimes even higher paying than the parent paying full CS. Then anomousity sets in where other parent is constantly on vacation with kids, when other is just scraping by.


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Coincidentally, many parenting schedules put the NCP at roughly 38%.
These are terrible parenting schedules and can be argued not consistent with law that promotes maximum contact with each parent. It is not 1970s anymore where it was EOW and Hamburger Wednesday.
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  #25  
Old 02-19-2021, 07:00 PM
Nadia Nadia is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
Also- to the OP.

Is it the lack of adherence to the schedule that is of concern? Or something more? The conflict with the paternal grandparents? Having to deal with your son's father?

Like everyone else said- being that your son is 14, and he did call you to let you know he was going with dad...it seems like it's not a big deal? But it is bothering you.
1. The lack of notification was the concern. Yes my son notified me when he was already on his way back to his fathers house. Would it have been nice to have get the heads up? Yes. (Especially since the last time the father exercised his mid week access was some years ago and we had fallen into a pattern of alternative weekends with grandparents confirming arrangements with me every other week). Was it worth getting worked up about it? In retrospect - No. Which is why I sent the father an email reminding him that if he could let me know next time that would be great.

2. The kid is 14 and I think we need to take his wishes into consideration. His dad lives an hour away from us. I can just about get the kid out the door for school in time for his bus at 8.06 on a school day. He rolls out of bed at 7.45 and somehow manages to get dressed, brush teeth and grab the toast. I know there are kids out there who spend an hour getting to school and are totally ok. But is this kid going to be able to leave early enough to get to school via an hour of highway driving on a week in week out basis? Maybe.

3. Regular access for our son (with the exception of the last 10 months has been has been alternative weekends with the Grandparents facilitating access by doing the pick up and drop offs. For two years this was the status quo. In the last 10 months that changed to grandparents just visiting on Sundays so that became the pattern. No one protested. I mean not a single text or email.

4. I am hoping that we can navigate a way as a family with making sure our sons wishes are at the centre of any arrangement moving forward. Is this likely to happen given the high conflict etc. I don’t know.

What I know now is that our son has selected his courses for high school. He is really excited about joining his friends at the local high school here. He plays every sport under the sun and is a natural athlete. He is vested in local clubs and community programs. He plays the trumpet (really well) and pre covid was playing in a local band. He has an awesome group of friends here and like any other typical teen spends hours on Xbox playing live games. I know all this doesn’t mean he won’t want to switch homes at some point. It’s always a possibility.

Last edited by Nadia; 02-19-2021 at 07:22 PM.
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  #26  
Old 02-19-2021, 08:20 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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I doubt your ex would be successful arguing to change custody at this point. The only way to do it would be to convince kid and from the sounds of it he has a pretty set life where you are.

This was basically a case of dad was a bit of a dick but not worth getting upset over.


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  #27  
Old 02-20-2021, 11:46 AM
Alpinist Alpinist is offline
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I agree with rockscan. And kids are perceptive, you've been there for your son and taken good care of him and been a very involved, loving and supportive parent. In the end I think it comes down to that more than anything else.
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  #28  
Old 02-20-2021, 02:38 PM
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I’ve been trying to find a solution that will work. Although court ordered access doesn’t begin until 6.30pm on Wednesdays and at 5.30pm on Fridays, If we go along with dad’s wishes his new access schedule (as relayed to the school) will look like this:

Wednesday 3.05pm to 8.45 am on Thursday next morning
Friday 3.05 to Monday 8.45am
Wednesday 3.05pm to 8.45 am on Thursday
Wednesday 3.05pm to 8.45am on Thursday next morning
Friday 3.05pm to 8.45am Monday morning

I spoke to our son about the schedule for next week and he said he is ok with Wednesday but isn’t sure about Friday. He asked me if I could keep him home on Friday. I told him that isn’t going to happen. As far as I know there is an expectation from dad that the school will enforce this schedule.

I should probably add with a reminder that the child in question is in Grade 8 and is 5ft 11 inches in height. I don’t see either parent being able to pick him up and fastening him in the seat of their vehicle. We have less than 4 months left at this school and are trying to navigate all this as best as I can. I am so exhausted.

Last edited by Nadia; 02-20-2021 at 03:31 PM.
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  #29  
Old 02-20-2021, 05:39 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Is it an order or an agreement? One has different ways of stating over the other. When was this all signed? Has dad sent you a request or this is just the school schedule?

I ask because a response depends on those factors. For instance, if it was an agreement and it was done 10 years ago then its reasonable to make a change. Not to mention if dad did make a request he has to let you consider it.


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  #30  
Old 02-20-2021, 06:08 PM
Nadia Nadia is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Is it an order or an agreement? One has different ways of stating over the other. When was this all signed? Has dad sent you a request or this is just the school schedule?

I ask because a response depends on those factors. For instance, if it was an agreement and it was done 10 years ago then its reasonable to make a change. Not to mention if dad did make a request he has to let you consider it.


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It is a request from Dad.
Not even a request really...more like “this is how things are going to be” regardless of any court orders or what has been happening in reality for the past 5 years.
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