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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #421  
Old 10-22-2014, 11:59 AM
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And that's exactly what the other side wants - continual adjournments.

Hopefully between the judge and your lawyer things can be kept on track and matters narrowed to simply setting up full unsupervised access. This is what they absolutely DO NOT want to happen. It's going to be a very lively motion. I pray you get a decent judge who can see through the garbage.
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  #422  
Old 10-22-2014, 04:28 PM
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I read some cases that the judge presiding over my case tomorrow had:

Remember, OP's strategy tomorrow is "Can't make changes to existing order".

Here's what the judge I will have tomorrow said here:

The Respondent says the Applicant is placing stress on G., 5 years old, by asking her inappropriate questions, and making inappropriate statements as well as making access exchanges difficult, all of which is detailed in the affidavits. At the same time the Applicant is seeking more access, including overnight access. The Applicant says he understands the importance of not burdening the children with adult concerns but I’m not sure his actions reflect a true understanding of the importance of protecting the children from the parties’ relationship issues. At the same time it is common and sometimes unfair for the custodial parent to blame a child’s behaviour changes or difficulties on the actions of the non-custodial parent

[10] Supervised access is a highly-controlled and artificial environment. It is not the most desirable setting in which to exercise access visits. Supervised access would also likely have the effect of reducing the time the Applicant actually spends with the children.

BELOW is OP's entire case and factum:

[11] It is very difficult to ascertain the accuracy of allegations based on affidavit evidence alone. Judges are reluctant to alter temporary access arrangements in the absence of clear evidence that there is a material change of circumstances that affects the best interests of the children. I am not persuaded that access arrangements should be altered to increase the access as requested by the Applicant or to require the Applicant’s access to be supervised as requested by the Respondent.

So is this going to be the outcome tomorrow I wonder?
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  #423  
Old 10-22-2014, 04:36 PM
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ive read much of this thread but not all. courts are the worst to decide whats best in childrens development. basically ive come across in some of my volunteer work that a childs development is segregated. birth to 5 years old, its mommys time. 6 to 12 years old its daddys time. 13 to 17 years old its friends time (they dont give a hoot about their parents). 18 years old onwards theyre on their own to make decisions for themselves. it might help to have this mentality that doesnt discriminate either parent.
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  #424  
Old 10-22-2014, 05:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I read some cases that the judge presiding over my case tomorrow had:

Remember, OP's strategy tomorrow is "Can't make changes to existing order".

Here's what the judge I will have tomorrow said here:

The Respondent says the Applicant is placing stress on G., 5 years old, by asking her inappropriate questions, and making inappropriate statements as well as making access exchanges difficult, all of which is detailed in the affidavits. At the same time the Applicant is seeking more access, including overnight access. The Applicant says he understands the importance of not burdening the children with adult concerns but Im not sure his actions reflect a true understanding of the importance of protecting the children from the parties relationship issues. At the same time it is common and sometimes unfair for the custodial parent to blame a childs behaviour changes or difficulties on the actions of the non-custodial parent

[10] Supervised access is a highly-controlled and artificial environment. It is not the most desirable setting in which to exercise access visits. Supervised access would also likely have the effect of reducing the time the Applicant actually spends with the children.

BELOW is OP's entire case and factum:

[11] It is very difficult to ascertain the accuracy of allegations based on affidavit evidence alone. Judges are reluctant to alter temporary access arrangements in the absence of clear evidence that there is a material change of circumstances that affects the best interests of the children. I am not persuaded that access arrangements should be altered to increase the access as requested by the Applicant or to require the Applicants access to be supervised as requested by the Respondent.

So is this going to be the outcome tomorrow I wonder?

I don't think that there is a lot in common with your case. You guys haven't been present for more than what, one exchange? Again, your ex totally shot herself in the foot by pushing for a supervisor, having the supervisor do exchanges, launching allegations that affected you while you had a supervisor, etc.

She should have dumped all of that slander on your from the beginning. You've kept your cool and continually asked for access, and she has continually denied it. That is the most important thing that the judge will focus on.
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  #425  
Old 10-22-2014, 05:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WEC View Post
ive read much of this thread but not all. courts are the worst to decide whats best in childrens development. basically ive come across in some of my volunteer work that a childs development is segregated. birth to 5 years old, its mommys time. 6 to 12 years old its daddys time. 13 to 17 years old its friends time (they dont give a hoot about their parents). 18 years old onwards theyre on their own to make decisions for themselves. it might help to have this mentality that doesnt discriminate either parent.
I think those developmental pathways of attachment have many variables which makes each case extremely distinct from others. For instance, D3 was a daddy's girl. I was the one who took her to parks, sledding, swimming, for walks, etc. She would run to me to have her shoes tied up. Mom would try to put her coat on D3 would say "no .. daddy do it", and run to me. Of course I told D3 that her mom could put her coat on fine.

My point is that it's how a child is raised in their environment and the unique experiences they share with each caregiver that shape their attachments and relationships with each parent and everyone else.
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  #426  
Old 10-22-2014, 05:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Straittohell View Post
I don't think that there is a lot in common with your case. You guys haven't been present for more than what, one exchange? Again, your ex totally shot herself in the foot by pushing for a supervisor, having the supervisor do exchanges, launching allegations that affected you while you had a supervisor, etc.

She should have dumped all of that slander on your from the beginning. You've kept your cool and continually asked for access, and she has continually denied it. That is the most important thing that the judge will focus on.
Just made my night Strait. I'm nervous. Off for "enema training" (yay). But at least it will keep me distracted.

I'm going to ask anyone who reads this tonight. First off, please say a prayer for the soldier who lost his life today and their families.

Secondly .. please, say a little prayer for me and my day in court tomorrow. I don't know what will happen but I felt like I've done most things right. Even if you're not religious. I'll take any form of help I can get.
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  #427  
Old 10-22-2014, 08:27 PM
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So .. here we go.

Courtroom etiquette:

- Look straight ahead.
- Look sad (won't be hard). Don't be afraid to cry
- Don't take notes
- Don't react to opposing lawyers comments. (No sarcasm, shaking head, frustration).
- Look presentable (my pin stripe suit and tie with black dress shoes)
- Don't nod your head to your lawyers points

Body language counts for a lot.

Just thinking out loud here .. sorry.
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  #428  
Old 10-22-2014, 08:36 PM
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Fwiw, I believe in prayers because I know they work ... I'll be praying for you and your kidlett, hoping for a positive outcome tomorrow.
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  #429  
Old 10-22-2014, 08:36 PM
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Another thing to remember, you've invested a lot of emotion, time, and energy into this, and you did a lot of it before your lawyer came into the picture.

If you thought it was difficult to give up control and trust your lawyer before, you will find tomorrow to be a who new test of your resolve, trust, and willpower.

I'm not saying that you should blindly entrust yourself to your lawyer, if there is a moment where you need to discretely give her direction about where you want something to go, you do it, but remember, she's going to be driving this.

Don't be afraid to cry, but don't rush to do it either. Sadly, men crying doesn't yield the same benefits as women crying, and sometimes backfires. Women look emotional when they cry, we look unstable. Just my opinion on that.
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  #430  
Old 10-22-2014, 08:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Straittohell View Post
Another thing to remember, you've invested a lot of emotion, time, and energy into this, and you did a lot of it before your lawyer came into the picture.

If you thought it was difficult to give up control and trust your lawyer before, you will find tomorrow to be a who new test of your resolve, trust, and willpower.

I'm not saying that you should blindly entrust yourself to your lawyer, if there is a moment where you need to discretely give her direction about where you want something to go, you do it, but remember, she's going to be driving this.

Don't be afraid to cry, but don't rush to do it either. Sadly, men crying doesn't yield the same benefits as women crying, and sometimes backfires. Women look emotional when they cry, we look unstable. Just my opinion on that.
Was thinking about that today. All control goes to my lawyer. She's on top of things. It will be hard for me to not want to whisper points to her while OP is talking but I'll refrain.

As much as I'd like to be in control of my case (because I know it like the back of my hand), I guess it feels kind of nice to have someone who has a better grasp of the laws, how to talk to a judge, etc sticking up for me for once.

Im pleased with our materials. Im very pleased with our factum.

OP's lawyer is VERY aggressive. Mine is not. But I think that may work out for me.
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