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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 04-13-2013, 12:17 AM
Where is the Light Where is the Light is offline
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Default Give up kids?

After everything I have been through. The cheatting, the money stolen, the lies upon lies upon lies. An ex who claimed after having children with me, "parenting wasn't his cup of tea; that is was life changing", I have exhaustedly raised these children on my own (the most exhausting part, which will surely get easier now). Where am I going with this?

He has a ton of money (g/f and him) work for her brother. A very very very wealthy owner/builder. Lot's of under the table perks so s/s and c/s don't increase. Lives like a king, but says he only makes x number of dollars.

Anyhow, I am off again. Things are looking very badly. The children, I love, adore, worship, I may have to ask ex to take from me and raise. The guy who didn't want them for an extra night, when he lives two minutes away. Me in a tiny house, him in a very HUGE HOUSE. I don't care about his house. He didn't want the kids. Not one arguement about them EVER in court. I wanted them, he said o.k. But, without having got a job and GOD KNOWS I HAVE TRIED AND TRIED AND TRIED, I am now broke (exhausted all my money), running into debt and might have to ask him to raise his kids. I don't even know where I could go to live.

My life is a mess. It is so complicated and why.

My kids, my kids. Why, why is this happening?

Have you ever had to ask someone (ex) to take your children from you and raise them because you couldn't afford them?
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Old 04-13-2013, 02:56 AM
Links17 Links17 is offline
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Focus on supporting yourself?

Getting support from him is a lost cause it seems (hard to believe....) but nothing else has doomed you to failure. If you can't find work its not his fault or perhaps anybody's fault (other than yours maybe....). Don't give up, be a good role model for your kids. Let them say our mom busted her a$$ to support us. Both of you will be better for it. Maybe you need to modify your strategy in terms of looking for jobs etc...

Keep your head up.

Also, have you tried going to a private investigator with your case or forensic accountant and explaining the situation and perhaps telling them you can pay them based on success, I imagine that if you were forced to hire forensic accountants etc... to get your rights the judge could award you costs.

Also, you might want to just ease up and watch from a distance, he'll get complacent and then slip up and maybe you can retro him.
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Old 04-13-2013, 07:03 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Welfare is always an option until you get on you feet.
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Old 04-13-2013, 07:19 AM
Lava Lava is offline
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Have you tried reporting him to Revenue Canada? I am sure they would like to know how he is living his lifestyle based on his reported income. If he is forced to declare his actual income then you can go after him for CS based on that.
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Old 04-13-2013, 08:12 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Revenue Canada typically won't do anything if the complaint is coming from an ex spouse... how does the OP know that the new partner (the sister of the wealthy builder) is not the one who receives a higher pay and the ex just benefits from her high earnings?
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Old 04-13-2013, 08:29 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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Have you even talked to social services to see what they can offer you? Maybe subsidized housing etc.

If you do end up sending the kids to their father its not admitting you failed or anything. Its you doing what is best for the kids at this time. That is not a bad thing and it doesnt make you a bad mother. In fact in my eyes it makes you a very good one. You are willing to put the kids needs before anything else.

One big thing that you never mentioned, would he even take them?? You said how being a dad wasnt his thing etc.
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Old 04-13-2013, 09:52 AM
Where is the Light Where is the Light is offline
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slughead....

I am so hurt by your comment.

If you only knew what type jobs I have tried to get. You think it would be my choice to be broke.

thanks.
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Old 04-13-2013, 10:42 AM
FightingForFamily FightingForFamily is offline
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You are receiving CS and SS, CCTB, UCB and every other acronym known to divorced parents... there is also support in the form of social housing, subsidies for daycare and many other things. Plus, get a job. Any job.

The system literally throws money at custodial parents. If you think you are broke now, if the kids go to live with their Dad you will lose 75% of your current income.

For example, you will have to pay him child support, you may also lose your spousal support depending on the entitlement reasons. You can and will have an income imputed to you if your ex argues it in court which is a slam dunk for him.
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Old 04-13-2013, 10:57 AM
mom2three mom2three is offline
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WITL:

Your posts in the last week are very telling with respect to how your brain is processing information. It isn't processing, it is reacting to insurmountable stress.

Giving up your children is a reaction, not a well thought out decision. There is NO embarassment, shame, whatever in recognizing that you need help; giving up your life blood is not going to solve that.

I implore you to seek some help, whether it be through your doctor, welfare etc. Agencies are designed to guide you in the right direction. But you need to get yourself there first.

Giving up your children is not the solution. In the end you may not have anything but you will have your children. That is all that matters.

Day by day it will get better. You have to believe that. But it can only get better if you take positive steps. First step is finding some help to help you cope
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Old 04-13-2013, 11:32 AM
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IMHO

Children living with very little financially, in a loving home is much better then living with all the money in the world with a parent who doesn't want them.
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