Just found out need advice

[Confused and lost]

Another bit of info im not speculating on is this news has come and felt like a train derailment to both me and for sure the mom. Who in their right mind would want to be in this situation and what good person would not want the best possible outcome for everyone involved

[Rioe]

Give yourself a few days to get over the shock a bit more, would be my first advice. You are still processing the news and how it might change your life. Once it settles a bit better, once you start moving beyond any hard feelings about how she may have deceived you over the last year, then you will be in a better spot to decide what to do.

Step one, get the paternity test done. Step two, prepare yourself for the possibility of a lengthy child support commitment. If the child is yours, that's your obligation, even if it turns out you never see her.

Step three, think of what is best for the child, should it turn out you are the father. Poor thing is going to be in a hard place all her life just because of the circumstances of her conception, which is not her fault in the least. The best thing for a child is to grow up knowing both parents love her and to have contact with both of them. If you spurn the mother and just send a CS cheque every month, your daughter will wonder why you never cared to do more, and if you hate her. If you fight for full custody and rip her from her mother, she'll grow up with a resentment for that, no matter how many more opportunities you think you can provide for her, or how much better you think it would be for her mother not to be saddled with this baby.

If you don't want to be a halfway dad, move to BC, and work on shared custody arrangements. If that's unworkable, figure out something with the mother where you can both raise the little girl despite being at different ends of the country. Maybe you have her during school terms and the mother has her during summer when she's off school, and you adapt as the mother graduates and your daughter grows up. The mother is not your enemy, not someone you are trying to fight. You barely know her, and she's certainly in a bad spot right now, what with her boyfriend dumping her after finding out she lied to him about being the dad. She probably panicked when she found out she was pregnant, made some mistakes to deal with it then, and now she's just as desperately trying to find a way to cope with her current situation. Can't you discuss this with her and find a way to collaborate?

Good luck!

[Confused and lost]

Thanks Roie

I really do need to talk to the mom. She is currently visiting with her dad who still thinks the other guy is the father and just left them. I have been asked to kinda law low in the mean time.

My emotions are brewing and Im trying to collect as much input and guidance as possible. My mom has been epic and really awesome. Ive been coming to her with problems for years, it seemed like this was no surprise to her lol.

Its a well made point, and I dont enjoy the idea of tearing a child away from their mom. Im sure once the shock settles in and I realize this is how it is ill find a way to accept reality that life just isnt fair sometimes.


I would like to add that this girl and I may find a way to reach an agreement. She doesnt seem unreasonable.. but its difficult to trust right now. I feel like my attitude and ideas have changed a few times in a very short period of time. I guess time is all thats needed and the right path will be shown eventually.

[Pursuinghappiness]

It seems mom slept around

LOL...so did you. You had a one night stand with someone you don't know and didn't protect either one of you. Obviously she has the burden of walking around pregnant and now with a newborn so she just can't hide it as well as you can.

I think you need to consider that its highly unlikely that a woman who has bonded with a small baby is going to hand them over to their bio-father in another province. Particularly since she barely knows you. I've given birth a couple times and I can tell you that it tends to lead to the woman being a little clingy...lol.

That being said, you may be a father and should consider helping in whatever way you can and exercising your rights to have access to your child. Its unfortunate that you aren't closer because its harder to have a child for the summer, for instance, when its a very small child. That being said, I'm sure there's lots of options for you to work something out and maybe avoid having to go to extreme legal means to do it. Since she's in school, maybe there is a chance that she could move closer to you and register/attend school where you are so that you can both see the child? It would be nice for her too since perhaps your family could help with child care while she's taking classes and studying?

Best of luck..and next time, wrap that thing up.