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  • Opposing views.

    I've been seeing a pattern is some posts ...

    Where one spouse wants to see the kids and the other prevents them from seeing the kids.

    One spouse wants to make the marriage work, the other doesn't.

    There seems to be opposing of wants/needs by spouses.

    Now I'm wondering, can this be used to a persons advantage in gaining what it it they truly want? IE - You want to see the kids is the true goal. You do things so that the ex perceives you as not wanting to see the kids. The ex in turns does the opposite of your actions and trys to push the kids onto you. Meanwhile, your objective has been fulfilled. As an example.

    So how can opposing views be used to your advantage? Can they or can't they?

    Hubby

  • #2
    PLaying games is never the answer.

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    • #3
      Its a gamble that I wouldn't want to take. The children would surely feel the behaviour of rejection even though it is a ploy to obtain more time with them.

      I know a few single mother's where their biggest complaint is that the father want nothing to do with the children, and they desire the father to be involved so they can take the children for a weekend etc and while the children are visiting their father they are free to go out and not have to pay a babysitter.

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      • #4
        Are opposing views not already a form of playing and a creul one at that? It's to use what you have to gain what you want? It's taking the present situation and trying to turn things around. Its working with what is.

        My point is this, spouses tend to get into a negative, non productive loop at times, how does one break the chain to turn the circumstance to be a more productive one?



        Hubby

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        • #5
          Originally posted by vinylmom
          PLaying games is never the answer.
          I thought that was the lawyers job.
          Last edited by Jeff; 02-01-2006, 02:00 PM.

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          • #6
            opposing views are not games, in my opinion, they're merely different points of view by different people(and we're ALL different).no two people have exactly the same perceptions and ideas therefore........variety.
            I vote with vinylmom....playing games are deceitful, dishonest and even if 'you' win, using these tactics, 'you' lose!
            Last edited by Jeff; 02-01-2006, 02:00 PM.

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            • #7
              my two cents....

              Well,
              I am going through a holdout on myself..ie..games..
              I have not even heard from my kids for five days..no phone calls nothing....I know that my ex is witholding our son from calling me.. Ive` hardly seen our son at all for almost three weeks...no decent time at all with him.. games.. they are made to break you.. she may not see it that way.. but not even hearing from him has almost caused my a nervous breakdown..plain and simple...her side of the coin I understand.. she`s doing a really good job.. of breaking me.. Im pretty close at this point.. she knows that I miss them tremendously..and she knows that I want to see them.. so I`m sorry I am fairly bitter.... even after all the apologies are over..and done.. the dust has not even settled from the mess in the first place.. I am alone and I miss our family and our kids.....
              She may not see it as a game.. but she has her reasons to not allow him to even call me..which quite frankly cannot hold any merit..since the kids need Daddy too....
              I am at a crossroads in this mess....and her games are working.. Im feeling pretty low...

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              • #8
                If the opposing views are 'intentional'? You say up, they say down? I want to see my kids, they say, no way.

                So how does one break the 'deadlock'?

                I think it may be with that one acts out of love and the other out of hate/fear?

                Come on ladies, lets hear from you experts!

                Enquiring men wanna know!

                Hubby

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                • #9
                  Im keen to hear from the ladies here too, not that they will know MORE than us men - its just a different point of view

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                  • #10
                    Aden her games may be 'working' to break you but eventually they'll catch up to her. BY THE WAY--DON'T LET HER BREAK YOU!!!!
                    THe following is the 1st stanza of the Serenity Prayer:
                    "GOD please grant me:
                    the SERENITY to ACCEPT the things I CANNOT change
                    the COURAGE to CHANGE the things I CAN,
                    and the WISDOM to KNOW the DIFFERENCE

                    I use this quite often to dicipher what I can do something about, and then do it,and what is not is my hands. I have to practice and use this on a very regular basis;hope it helps.

                    Comment

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