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Custody for in loco parentis

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  • Custody for in loco parentis

    I have a pretty good idea of the rights involved in my situation but I thought I'd ask just in case.

    I've been CL for 14 months with a man who came with 2 kids - one bio and one not.

    His ex has been out of the picture as she has a serious drug problem. The children haven't seen her for 14 months.

    CAS was involved with my partner as they wanted to do a parenting capacity assessment for him since he had made really bad choices for his kids in the past. Together we toughed it out and the supervision order ended, my partner can now go ahead and apply for custody of both kids.

    Now my partner wants to split and he wants me to take a hike from these two wonderful kids, one 7 and one 3, just as if it didn't matter to anyone what I did. I know for sure that the kids need me more than that, and that his failure to realize that means that they need me more.

    I know that I can apply for custody, since anyone can. Can anyone give me a sense of the likelihood of actually having custody granted?

    I should note that CAS made it clear in their paperwork that they were concerned about my partner's ability to parent should I leave the house. I should also make it clear that I want the kids to reside with me, since I am way better equipped to do it on my own than he is, and I want him to have liberal access to them.

    He wants to take them to his mother's, where she and his aunt will take turns providing care for them when he is at work or sleeping (he works nights), both women are older and neither of them really up for the job.

    I know for sure I have rights to the children... and I also know it is in their best interest to live with me for now.

    My partner has a looooooooooooooooooooooot of baggage to work through, which is the reason he and I are breaking up, and it also prohibits him from seeing what is best for the kids.

    I'm open to questions if anything I've put down here is not clear... and anxiously awaiting any advice which can be given!

  • #2
    One of the previous moms has serious drug problem, we don't even know about the other mom. Dad has previous serious CAS involvement and mental health issues it seems. You and the two kids have a relatively short, albeit stable(?) relationship. Dad's proposed parenting plan for the kids involves Dad working nights and kids being bounced around among relatives.

    You have what appears to be a very complicated situation, the perspective on which can't possibly be communicated in such a short post. You sound like you already have done some research.

    It sounds like a critical component of the parenting plan needs to be stability for those kids, who appear to have already been exposed to too much upheaval.

    If separation is imminent and Dad is about to take the kids, consider an emergency motion to maintain the status quo. You could ask for an order to involve the Office of the Children's Lawyer and that no changes be made to the children's living arrangments pending completion of a custody assessment.

    You sound like you've got the kids best interests at heart, but you've got your hands full on this one. I hope those kids are coping OK.

    Comment


    • #3
      This situation is so hard, because when these kids came to me, they were so broken... the older child didn't trust anyone and the younger child was displaying autistic behaviour from being neglected.

      His mother took them in when his prior relationship ended and he didn't want to stay with her for very long, enter me, a perfect live-in nanny! Problem is, I thought we were having a relationship of the long-lasting variety, and I stepped right into the mommy role.

      EVERYONE can see that this is exactly what happened. Everyone can tell that I have done all the work to get the kids to where they are now, which is happy, healthy and healing.

      The kids call me mom. I AM their mom. They are my little fart-faces... they get me through the day and give my life a higher purpose!

      And today his mother told me that she would be totally ok with making sure that the kids are taken care of so that he can move back home (where he HAD to escape from in the first place).

      If I take the advice from the previous post I am basically stalling things and creating more animosity... ultimately they'll be stable but they will be losing their mommy. And it's too fresh for them to have to start over again.

      I do believe I have sufficient documented evidence that he has made decisions in the past that have not been in the best interests of the children. I also believe that I enabled him to coast through the supervision order with CAS by doing all the real work for him while he just showed up at court.

      There was an OCL, and I was the one who liaised with her on all occasions.

      I AM THE ONE WHO DID ALL THE WORK OVER THE PAST YEAR, yet he is the one who gets all the credit.

      He said that he is willing to let me be involved in their lives, but it shatters my heart into a bazillion pieces to know that I won't see them every morning when they wake up or be able to pick them up from school and hear about their day...

      Tomorrow I'm going to consult with a lawyer.

      Not looking for any answers right now I guess, I just wanted to get that out of me.

      I feel like I'm being ripped apart inside.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by coreythestar View Post
        If I take the advice from the previous post I am basically stalling things and creating more animosity... ultimately they'll be stable but they will be losing their mommy. And it's too fresh for them to have to start over again.
        Totally disagree, you're not stalling, you're protecting the children's routines by continuing the status quo pending an OCL investigation. The OCL can be asked to get involved again due to these new circumstances.

        If EVERYONE can see what is going on, then the OCL's job will be easy when it comes to interviewing collateral sources.

        Comment

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