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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21  
Old 06-19-2019, 01:26 PM
Tired_Dad Tired_Dad is offline
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No worries! I know all too well about trying and getting nowhere. Proof to the mountain tops and brought our youngest to therapy for over 2 years! Tried my very best! I'm on the other side, so my perception is slightly tainted. I want to be in my children's lives, but they've had so much influence from the other side that they had to make a choice... for now. I'm maintaining the hope that that will turn around in the future. I have to maintain hope. All the best in your hurdles and know that you're trying your best and TRYING to maintain some kind of amicable relationship, if even just for your children.
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  #22  
Old 06-19-2019, 01:37 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
Basically. But every professional the kids have seen. Say otherwise. And they have spoken to dad. Your posts say how you went to therapy and are willing to do anything help your kids and your relationship
Is therapy been recommended for the children? is it re integration therapy? Or is it personal counselling that is saying it's all dads fault and he needs to have counselling to deal with his problems?

You're saying it's all his wrong doings. He's saying it's all yours. It will mostly boil down to the OCL report and the findings of a judge.

In the OCL report, does it mention father alleges children being influenced? If so, what is the analysis and conclusion for that in the report? In response, what does he say about that in his dispute?
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  #23  
Old 06-19-2019, 01:50 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
He canít claim a break down when heís the one who refused to make the effort. Go back and read OP other posts. The ex moved 30-40 mins away and he never participated in events/activities/appointments with the kids. He was fine with that until OP filed to make him pay for kids activities he had agreed to and had already paid for.

A reminder to those who donít have the history on this poster, her ex has had little to no interest in the kids and is crying alienation because he has to pay for kids school and medical expenses.
Point is, the relationship between the father and children has detoriated and the issue needs to be addressed.

OP has stated dad doesn't allow kids to go up to mom during extraordinary events on weekends , so it can't be argued that dad isn't involved.

OCL has recommended dad should have more time with the kids. I'm trying to better understand this.

Last edited by tunnelight; 06-19-2019 at 01:58 PM.
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  #24  
Old 06-19-2019, 02:15 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
Point is, the relationship between the father and children has detoriated and the issue needs to be addressed.



OP has stated dad doesn't allow kids to go up to mom during extraordinary events on weekends , so it can't be argued that dad isn't involved.



OCL has recommended dad should have more time with the kids. I'm trying to better understand this.


It hasnt deteriorated. Dad didnt make an effort from the beginning. Now he is claiming deterioration as a reason to get sole custody. The OCL investigator even watched and noted that during a family activity, gf did all the lifting, dad kept leaving the room.

The ocl report recommended therapy and classes for dad to learn how to be a dad. This isnt a case of dad bending over backwards to accommodate a gate keeper. This is a case of dad got a new partner who wants to blend into a big happy family.

Like I said, read the history of the case. Theres more.
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  #25  
Old 06-19-2019, 02:34 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
Is therapy been recommended for the children? is it re integration therapy? Or is it personal counselling that is saying it's all dads fault and he needs to have counselling to deal with his problems?

You're saying it's all his wrong doings. He's saying it's all yours. It will mostly boil down to the OCL report and the findings of a judge.

In the OCL report, does it mention father alleges children being influenced? If so, what is the analysis and conclusion for that in the report? In response, what does he say about that in his dispute?


So therapy was started because oldest son was being bullied in school. He needed support and coping skills. He also got very angry. So then he had whole family therapy to teach him and parents how to help/ deal with all this. This the therapy dad started to attend with our son and myself. Son started telling therapist the things dad was doing at home that was upsetting him. Therapist gave strategies for dad to practise on his time. Son goes back. Says dad isnít helping me. Wonít let me do the Strategies and just makes it worse. Dad admits he isnít doing strategies. Stops going. This is just one example of dad letting down oldest son.

Also let me note that therapist called dad 4 times for 4 weeks and he ignored. I finally reached out to the gf begging her to get him to go. That when he decided to show up 4 weeks into it.

Younger son went to therapy because he was struggling at school with behaviours. And it was always worse after dadís weekend. No structure or routine at dads.. so kid comes home disregulated. Again dad reached out to this therapist. Which is great I thought. He was asked to come to some sessions with him and son. Nope. Disappears. No more contact made.

Youngest Son gets free therapy after a year of private. Same thing. I send info as that he call. No go. Then the bs I said earlier.

My ex avoided the OCL like the plague. Even though he requested it. Ocl had contact his lawyer several times to get him to return their calls. His lawyer also didnít prove his pleadings. So she only had his first interview and meeting to do off of.

So ocl said dad needs parenting classes. ( as well as both therapists that met him and I provided as collaterals) To learn how to parent his kids. To learn how help and support them and comfort them. He is emotionless. This is the man who pinched his kid out in public to try to get him to comply and left a mark 10 hrs later.

The report does not mention dads alienation claim because clinician was never provided with his pleadings. It does however mention the views is the children and how dad treats them when they are there on his time. They consistently said they want one on one time with dad and that they want him to stop yelling at them and being mean. They want him to do things with them and he doesnít. They want to be able to call mom when they ask. They want to be included in things.

Clinician told me in their Intake they reported I had a personality disorder and that I lived in a rough neighbourhood. And that they claimed alienation. So she was aware of his claims.

No re-integration therapy recommended. This father sees his kids religiously EOW. There has been no access denials. Clinician just thinks that if he can take them a few hours each week by himself minus the gfís kids they can start to have a better relationship ship with dad.

Me personally I know dad is never goi f to change. If he wanted to he would be seeking tools to help him better understand what his kids needs are and how to relate to them better. Clinician gave him meant examples in the disclosure meeting on things he can do. He has yet to do anything other than the usual weekend access leaving them to their own devices.
Judge already read ocl report at SC and said he is not going to get joint. And that maybe some small tweaks to the schedule would be all he would win.

His dispute points to errors that have nothing to do with the kids. Like information his gf gave. Says it was quoted wrong.

Then they just dispute all recommendations. They donít break them down or give any explanation.

It does say he wasnít given a chance to respond to some things but he was. It was emails clinician saw from him. That was his response. How can you explain away something awful you wrote in an email?

It disputed things collaterals said.

Says reports were referenced but not attached. And so on.

Quotes things that are wrong but that are actually not wrong.

Complains he should have been present with his boys while they were interviewed??? We all know thatís not the process.

Says he should have been observed with the boys by himself. Not with gf and her kids even though they all live-together. My partner and I were all observed together. Not just me and the kids alone.

Anyways. I have done nothin but try to get this man to be an involved father. He just doesnít care to. But claims itís my fault. He has to take some action. Not just words in court papers.


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  #26  
Old 06-19-2019, 02:45 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
Point is, the relationship between the father and children has detoriated and the issue needs to be addressed.



OP has stated dad doesn't allow kids to go up to mom during extraordinary events on weekends , so it can't be argued that dad isn't involved.



OCL has recommended dad should have more time with the kids. I'm trying to better understand this.


All the dads on here fighting for their kids or equal time all have said they bend over backwards to be with their kids. Will do whatever it takes. Be involved.

So you say because he takes kids to hockey he is an involved dad? He is going through the motions.

I am not saying he does absolutely nothing for them. I go to every hockey game. Dad is a no show if itís in moms time.

Dad takes kids to hockey so dad doesnít have to entertain kids or do something of meaning with them.

Dad does not want kids in anything that costs money whether he is paying it or not. Or whether itís of benefit to them. The kids arenít even allowed to talk to or play with their friend they have at their sports. Itís insane.

Dad wasnít involved when we were married either which is partly why I left him.


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  #27  
Old 06-19-2019, 02:49 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tired_Dad View Post
No worries! I know all too well about trying and getting nowhere. Proof to the mountain tops and brought our youngest to therapy for over 2 years! Tried my very best! I'm on the other side, so my perception is slightly tainted. I want to be in my children's lives, but they've had so much influence from the other side that they had to make a choice... for now. I'm maintaining the hope that that will turn around in the future. I have to maintain hope. All the best in your hurdles and know that you're trying your best and TRYING to maintain some kind of amicable relationship, if even just for your children.


At least you can say you are trying. And be proud of that!!! I hope your kids do come around as itís always of most benefit to have two involved parents especially a dad. My boys need a dad. And their dad just doesnít seem to know how to be one for them. He puts all else above his kids and they are old enough to see it and it hurts them.

Dad was included in everything prior to gf as well bday parties. Communion. Fireworks in my backyard. He gets gf. I invite her and her kids and everything comes to a hault. Explain that to your kids as to why? Itís so ruff.


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  #28  
Old 06-19-2019, 02:58 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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There's definitely more than just hockey depending on availability.
S chool teacher meetings - does he attend those and keep in contact with the teachers?

I know he's made an offer for joint custody. But his application is for sole custody. Would he be prepared to agree to joint custody with you getting final say on decisions?

I saw some things a about 4.30 PM Fridays and mid week, and summer week about. It's not too clear what is is requesting to me.
At this point in time, What access terms is he willing to settle on?

Last edited by tunnelight; 06-19-2019 at 03:01 PM.
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  #29  
Old 06-19-2019, 03:07 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
It hasnt deteriorated. Dad didnt make an effort from the beginning. Now he is claiming deterioration as a reason to get sole custody. The OCL investigator even watched and noted that during a family activity, gf did all the lifting, dad kept leaving the room.

The ocl report recommended therapy and classes for dad to learn how to be a dad. This isnt a case of dad bending over backwards to accommodate a gate keeper. This is a case of dad got a new partner who wants to blend into a big happy family.

Like I said, read the history of the case. Theres more.
As I understand it, the issues between the children and their father is a recent development.
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  #30  
Old 06-19-2019, 03:29 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
There's definitely more than just hockey depending on availability.
S chool teacher meetings - does he attend those and keep in contact with the teachers?

I know he's made an offer for joint custody. But his application is for sole custody. Would he be prepared to agree to joint custody with you getting final say on decisions?

I saw some things a about 4.30 PM Fridays and mid week, and summer week about. It's not too clear what is is requesting to me.
At this point in time, What access terms is he willing to settle on?


No he does not attend school meetings. I have asked him to attend all of them. Given him parent teacher form. He made appointment this past term and then didnít show up. All while ocl is investigating. Told him to make his own meetings if he wishes to not attend with me. Teachers have never met him.

Doesnít go to drs appointments.

Those are the terms he is willing to settle on that you just mentioned. Plus some other things. Except I am not.

He wants an order that he can attend events. Lol. Like ok. Sure. You have attended on your time I have never stopped you. Itís public place.


Why should he get more time when he was told he needs help and the kids donít want more time. The kids donít want to go even on their weekends because of how they are treated. If dad was willing to work up to this time and take the course recommended and try to repair what damage he has done. Instil some trust in the boys and follow through on things. Then sure when things are moving in a more positive direction of course we could look at increasing time.

H is claim went from sole.. to week on week off. To joint with EOW.

There is no reason to agree to joint custody. He agreed to sole custody over 6 years ago. This man refuses to answer emails.

Refuses parenting app to communicate but wants e- mail ordered. Yet he doesnít respond to my requests over email. Which are very seldom I request anything.

Doesnít engage in professionals the kids go to. Refused our oldest for orthotics when he had a medical need. (One leg shorter than the other) doesnít want them in sports. He lost goes on.

Their school is chosen. They have always lived with me. No immediate medical issues and we are all the same religion. Why does he need joint? Kids are already in the sports they will stick with. Soccer and hockey.

Offered 6 pm pickups on Friday and an evening visit on the weeks he doesnít see them. Plus two weeks in summer Half of March break which we already do. And shared holidays for the most part. There is no need to change it more when he is a shitty dad. The kids come home a mess after two nights there.

Dad increases their anxiety. The report gives many examples of something dad did or tried to control and it was pointed out that that increased the childrenís anxiety wile in his care. And if he would have done the opposite. Their anxiety would have been lessened or it wouldnít have created anxiety at all. Dad just refuses to listen. His own gf tells me he has a processing disorder. Which is exactly what ocl clinician said to us all in disclosure meeting.


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