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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 06-17-2019, 12:29 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
would you have had the same position if the clinician had received them before the disclosure?

my ex made the same argument that the CAS report and screening shouldn't have been included in the report whereby he didn't get a chance to tell his side of the story.

and is the issue with the 50/50 recommendation that there was potential parental alienation happening?

For me, It wasn't a question of whether or not the CAS records should be excluded, but rather the question of how much of the records could the assessor have integrated into her report. For example, the mother alleged drug use and controlling behavior but the assessor didn't give me a chance to respond. The CAS records shows a drug test I did when mom thought I did drugs and also the mother stating to CAS that she didn't actually think I was being controlling and just said it out of anger.

alienation was part of it and my strongest argument. but there were many more things, including the child not thriving under the primary care of the mother - too many concerns raised by the teachers. basically all boiled down to the behaviours of the mother and her extended family members, including the unilaterally chosen home daycare provider.
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  #12  
Old 06-17-2019, 12:34 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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Originally Posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
Thatís just it. Ex wants status quo changed. Not me. Ocl recommends custody stay with mom. My ex or his lawyers have not brought up anything that proves there has been a material change. Which is exactly what the judge asked his lawyer? He said please tell him where the material change is??? No one could answer him.

His argument is that S7 have substantially increased over time since date or superstation. Judge said ďduh kids get older and cost more moneyĒ

Kids were 2 and 5 when we split. They are 7.5 and 11 now.

One needed tutoring. One needed therapy. For a period of time. Which had now ended. So yes. Periodically they cost more.


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what's the reason the OCL is recommending the access be increased?
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  #13  
Old 06-17-2019, 12:45 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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They really didnít give a reason other than saying the children do not wish to have more time with their dad. The children feel like they are not important by dads actions and how he treats them. They added an after school visit weekly for 2.5 hours. And one more week in the summer.

Clinician says that dad needs to learn how to parent his children and better emotionally support them. So I guess if he is given more time he can slowly gain there trust again.

Dad out In his brief he doesnít agree to be ordered to therapy..

So to me if he doesnít want to learn how to relate better to his kids he shouldn t get more time. He doesnt spend the time e he has with them. Their words. They are left to play with gf kids who can sometimes bully them.

Itís very sad what the kids told the clinician about how dad and gf treat them. They feel blamed for everything that gfs kids do. They feel like her kids are more important. Dad sends kids to play with gf kids and ignores them all weekend.

The kids said they wished for one on one time with dad. And not always having gf kids to compete with. They live there. 3 of them.
Clinician recommended gf kids not be there when dad has his access with our kids.

I had already offered more then then the clinician even recommended by the way.


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  #14  
Old 06-19-2019, 10:10 AM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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what's dads position on him not emotionally supporting the child?

why is he seeking 50.50 ?

why did the courts request OCL?

the OCL needs to have a reason why access is to be increased
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  #15  
Old 06-19-2019, 11:20 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
what's dads position on him not emotionally supporting the child?



why is he seeking 50.50 ?



why did the courts request OCL?



the OCL needs to have a reason why access is to be increased

Dad claims that I severely restricted his parenting time. And refused to consult or discuss things with him(again I have so much evidence to disprove this).

A. I discontinued his daily morning access. He used to put the kids on the bus for school each morning.

He started work half hour after me. So since we split he came and put kids on bus from my home. I left for work once he showed up..
he gets a gf... and starts to show up late each and every morning. Leaving the kids upset and stressed out as they donít know where daddy is.... and leaving me constantly late for work. I almost lost my job.. mid school year. Couldnít find any before care.

After being 30 times late in less than 4 months I had to make a choice. I spoke to hr and altered my work hours. So I could put the kids on the bus and I worked later or made up the time. So yes I told him to beat it and not come in the mornings anymore.


B.

Giving more time...

Her reasoning was dad needs to repair the kids trust in him. He needs to take parenting classes to learn how to support them.

Dad denies that he doesnít emotionally support them. Without any proof except blaming me. Yet I have email after email after text letting him know of school meetings.. dr appointments, begging him to participate in family therapy. He himself reached out to youngest sons therapist. She reached out to me. Had me sign consent for her to meet/ talk wth him. Invited him twice to therapy and he ignored any contact from her after that.

Then He claimed he wasnít aware said son started free therapy after getting off wait list. After OCL disclosure he called free therapist and said he was never aware of this. Even though I had emailed him twice 6 months prior with therapists contact info again saying please call so you can be involved.

My older sons therapist met with dad and myself once to discuss the issues our son brought to her attention. Dad denied and refused to understand that he needed to repair his relationship with his boys because of what our son was upset about.

Dad doesnít spend one on one time with us.. dad doesnít listen to us when we are upset. Dad refuses to let me call my mom when I am missing her. Dad doesnít allow me to go to or speak to mom at sports events on his weekends. Dad yells at us and puts us in our room for hours when gfís kids get us in trouble and wonít listen to our side. Also makes us go to the gf for our punishment and to be told we are in the wrong even when we are not.

Dad doesnít include us in things and goes and does stuff with gf and her kids and itís rubbed in our face right before we go back to moms.
Dad doesnít call us between access time.

Should I go on??
This is the stuff both of our sons said to their therapists.

And also to the OCL clinician. They said they do not want more time with dad because he doesnít do anything with them and they are left to be with gf kids. As well as many other reasons.

C. The courts did not request OCL my exís lawyer asked for it at first case conference. His lawyer stood up and said ďmy client fears he is never going to see his kids againĒ.

My dumb lawyer said nothing... ex has always had his access without fail.

My lawyer says. Just agree to ocl. It will be good and the truth will come out. So not knowing any better I agree. And it for ordered on consent.

I started motion to change to enforce CS and Section 7ís that were already agreed to in our 5 year old SA.. that was filed with the courts. which ex abruptly stopped paying for the day he moved in with his gf. With no warning or explanation other than sorry I have to now support 4 more people and I canít afford to pay these things anymore.

His answer to my motion was to claim Sole Custody and primary residence to him and parenting time to me as a judge sees fit.
Sorry not in order of your questions.

But this is what has gone on.

He got slammed by judge at SC... told to stop the mischief.
Judge said ď she files for Sect7 enforcement and you counter claim sole custody?Ē He said stop this tit for tat. 6 year status quo and this ocl report he will never even obtain joint custody.


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  #16  
Old 06-19-2019, 12:40 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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material change seems to be the break down of the relationship between him and his kids.

is he alleging that you're influencing the children against him?
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  #17  
Old 06-19-2019, 12:52 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
material change seems to be the break down of the relationship between him and his kids.



is he alleging that you're influencing the children against him?


He canít claim a break down when heís the one who refused to make the effort. Go back and read OP other posts. The ex moved 30-40 mins away and he never participated in events/activities/appointments with the kids. He was fine with that until OP filed to make him pay for kids activities he had agreed to and had already paid for.

A reminder to those who donít have the history on this poster, her ex has had little to no interest in the kids and is crying alienation because he has to pay for kids school and medical expenses.
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  #18  
Old 06-19-2019, 12:53 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Default OCL report Disputed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
material change seems to be the break down of the relationship between him and his kids.



is he alleging that you're influencing the children against him?


Basically. But every professional the kids have seen. Say otherwise. And they have spoken to dad. Your posts say how you went to therapy and are willing to do anything help your kids and your relationship

My ex has done nothing. No therapy. No parental classes. Wonít engage with professionals when invited or asked.

It is himself and only himself who has created this situation. Things were the same before court. Never involved. He just claims I wouldnít let him be. Even though I have mountains of proof to show otherwise.


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Last edited by Mom 2 Two; 06-19-2019 at 12:58 PM.
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  #19  
Old 06-19-2019, 01:09 PM
Tired_Dad Tired_Dad is offline
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If you have proof or trying to include him in the children's lives, don't worry about it. The courts will see that you made every attempt reasonable, in your circumstances, and clear your name in regards to those allegations. My 2 cents anyway.
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  #20  
Old 06-19-2019, 01:20 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tired_Dad View Post
If you have proof or trying to include him in the children's lives, don't worry about it. The courts will see that you made every attempt reasonable, in your circumstances, and clear your name in regards to those allegations. My 2 cents anyway.


Thanks Tired Dad!! I have mountains of proof. Even before court was started. Emails asking for mediation. Emails asking for family therapy.

One family therapist somehow got dad to show up for a few sessions. And then He just abruptly stopped. Leaving our son upset and confused.


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