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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 05-25-2019, 02:09 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is online now
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Default S/c brief all lies.

So settlement this Thursday. Just got the exís brief.

He blatantly disagrees with all the OCL recommendations. But added in the few that were in his favour for access times. Lol.

He listed all invoices I ever sent him for 2018. Then put that he paid half of all of them. When our agreement states it should be in proportion to our incomes. They actually quoted agreement but quoted it wrong.

He owes $4300 arrears and his offer to settle offers $0.00

He claimed sole custody, with primary residence. Then joint with week on week off... now he agrees to joint custody with EOW access. And one mid week visit and that he gets to chose which day and if he wants to Take both boys or just one.

I have had sole custody since 2013. No material change in circumstance.

Agreement is vague on Sect 7 and he did pay half of everything up until he moved his gf and 3 kids in his house.

He claims he can only pay $500 total year towards fall/winter activity for two kids. ( he has paid half of hockey for last three years for both kids)

He refuses to pay for summer camp and or spring activity. Itís one or the other.

Limited therapy to $500 a year
$200 year for tutoring
$25 year for orthotics
Refuses to cover any dental or other medical expenses.

Refuses to pay for half of health insurance for the kids, but claims he has benefits and kids are on plan. But he has never offered up his plan info.

I have sent offer to settle that is severable.

He claims I can afford these things myself because I have a partner.

He claims his partner has three children in the household and that their Household income is way lower than mine. Except he isnít saying his partner choose to work part time. Get support from her ex and gets disability for her oldest child. Yet he hasnít claimed hardship and wants to know what my partners income is.

He included all sorts of expenses he hasnít paid for. Saying he did. Just a list.

Like how is a conference judge gonna react to this??

Do I go through brief and refute line for line in court ?

Ocl reccomemdwd caring dads for him. And therapy. He says he will endeavour his best efforts to attend but does not want it ordered.

Ocl said in report he basically is a shitty dad who ignores his kids (in a nicer manner of course) and that the kids have no interest in anymore time than what they have. That they feel below gfís kids and less important

Oh and that her kids should be at their dads when he had his kids so he can give his kids the attention they deserve.

Ocl said two non consecutive weeks in summer. He is demanding week about

Ocl said he needs to be home for his access and to not levee the kids with partner for extended time. .

I am just baffled at how he can just not even consider ocl recommendations and they were backed up by them speaking to therapists and drís for the kids

Keep in mind we have an agreement filed with the courts.

No material change in circumstances. Except of course saying I took away access and alienated the kids from him. No job loss.

Sorry this is all mixed up and out of order. I am just beside myself with the lies bs...

Not sure how to defend myself in court. Even though I have emails and communications to refute all he is saying.




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  #2  
Old 05-25-2019, 09:05 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Well I donít have a ton of advice but I can tell you there have been many cases where the OLC reports have been thrown out so I wouldnít rely completely on that. Search the form and you will find threads regarding these reports and how they arenít always relied upon. The easiest way to settle is Joint custody and 50-50 if he is located in the same area as you. If heís agreeing to joint and EOW then I guess thatís all he wants. I will say that fact that the OLC said his partnerís children shouldnít be around when he has access is a red flag for me. They are now a blended family, all the children should be treated the same. The OLC shouldnít be pitting childrenís time against each other.

What exactly do YOU want to settle with?


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  #3  
Old 05-25-2019, 09:27 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is online now
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Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
Well I donít have a ton of advice but I can tell you there have been many cases where the OLC reports have been thrown out so I wouldnít rely completely on that. Search the form and you will find threads regarding these reports and how they arenít always relied upon. The easiest way to settle is Joint custody and 50-50 if he is located in the same area as you. If heís agreeing to joint and EOW then I guess thatís all he wants. I will say that fact that the OLC said his partnerís children shouldnít be around when he has access is a red flag for me. They are now a blended family, all the children should be treated the same. The OLC shouldnít be pitting childrenís time against each other.

What exactly do YOU want to settle with?


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I want to settle with things similar to how they are.

Sole to me. EOW to dad. One mid week visit on weeks that follow no access.

The children DO NOT want extra time and ocl pointed out all the reasons why.

Dad doesnít change even after told what he needs to do to make them want more time.

I guess you need more history to know what has gone on.

Why on earth after 6 years would I give joint to man who refuses to communicate with me?? Ocl sited it. He admired to ocl GF. Does all the correspondence.

Kids reported being bullied by gfís kids. To ocl and therapists. Reports dad doesnít do anything with them. They are left to their devices with gfís kids

Dad doesnít show to drís school app/events. Even after a year of litigation you would think he would be on top of those things. Was invited to child therapy. Ignored.

Ocl reports mom is constantly having to advocate to have dad involved. Dad doesnít engage even though he is offered to attend and participate.

Ocl report wonít be thrown out. It was backed by factual information provided by third party therapists who have met with dad previously in one occasion. dr confirmed childís anxiety is due to how dad treats said child.

Dad is located 1 hr away from childrenís school. He moved without notifying me of his move.

The red flag should be why would ocl recommend her children not be there? Because she observed and my kids were ignored and left out of several things. They feel like they are competing for attention which they are. Attention wasnít there before her kids came along. Now itís even worse.
Their wordsĒ we feel gf and her kids come before everything and the world revolves around themĒ
Thatís from my 11 yro who is sick of being an afterthought.



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  #4  
Old 05-25-2019, 09:29 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Does he have proof in it? No. He needs proof. She denied me access here are the emails. You have a report from a licensed technician. His new family means nothing. He is obligated to provide for her blood children.

Stay calm. Consider this his opening offer. The judge will get him to where he needs to be.

Breathe!
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  #5  
Old 05-25-2019, 09:39 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Originally Posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
I want to settle with things similar to how they are.

Sole to me. EOW to dad. One mid week visit on weeks that follow no access.

The children DO NOT want extra time and ocl pointed out all the reasons why.

Dad doesnít change even after told what he needs to do to make them want more time.

I guess you need more history to know what has gone on.

Why on earth after 6 years would I give joint to man who refuses to communicate with me?? Ocl sited it. He admired to ocl GF. Does all the correspondence.

Kids reported being bullied by gfís kids. To ocl and therapists. Reports dad doesnít do anything with them. They are left to their devices with gfís kids

Dad doesnít show to drís school app/events. Even after a year of litigation you would think he would be on top of those things. Was invited to child therapy. Ignored.

Ocl reports mom is constantly having to advocate to have dad involved. Dad doesnít engage even though he is offered to attend and participate.

Ocl report wonít be thrown out. It was backed by factual information provided by third party therapists who have met with dad previously in one occasion. dr confirmed childís anxiety is due to how dad treats said child.

Dad is located 1 hr away from childrenís school. He moved without notifying me of his move.

The red flag should be why would ocl recommend her children not be there? Because she observed and my kids were ignored and left out of several things. They feel like they are competing for attention which they are. Attention wasnít there before her kids came along. Now itís even worse.
Their wordsĒ we feel gf and her kids come before everything and the world revolves around themĒ
Thatís from my 11 yro who is sick of being an afterthought.



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So the main sticking point is he wants joint and you want sole? You both seem to agree on EOW... joint custody really only means major decisions regarding school, medical, etc... not day to day decision and even then if heís not consenting to a major medical requirement heíd lose the battle, he canít change schools or anything without your consent. I guess you have to decide how much youíre willing to spend to fight for sole when the reality is the decisions required will be few and far between unless your children have medical issues already.

As for the other children, you have zero control over that. Your children are getting to an age where they will eventually be able to decide not to go to Dads often because of his lack of involvement. Just remember the report is only a recommendation and a judge may order differently. Dad needs proof of his lies or to prove a material change and if he doesnít have that heís not going to get very far. Heís not going to win with lowing CS or not paying reasonable S7 expenses so donít worry about that... just remember though that not every activity the children partake in is considered S7... for some hockey may be considered S7, for others it wonít be. It all depends on income and CS.

Just relax... judges see lies all the time and it will be up to him to provide evidence of such lies


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  #6  
Old 05-25-2019, 09:48 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
So the main sticking point is he wants joint and you want sole? You both seem to agree on EOW... joint custody really only means major decisions regarding school, medical, etc... not day to day decision and even then if heís not consenting to a major medical requirement heíd lose the battle, he canít change schools or anything without your consent. I guess you have to decide how much youíre willing to spend to fight for sole when the reality is the decisions required will be few and far between unless your children have medical issues already.

As for the other children, you have zero control over that. Your children are getting to an age where they will eventually be able to decide not to go to Dads often because of his lack of involvement. Just remember the report is only a recommendation and a judge may order differently. Dad needs proof of his lies or to prove a material change and if he doesnít have that heís not going to get very far. Heís not going to win with lowing CS or not paying reasonable S7 expenses so donít worry about that... just remember though that not every activity the children partake in is considered S7... for some hockey may be considered S7, for others it wonít be. It all depends on income and CS.

Just relax... judges see lies all the time and it will be up to him to provide evidence of such lies


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Thank you for your input!! :-). Ocl said same thing to dad. All majors have already been in place and decided.

He refused medical necessities...

Has paid for and supported hockey for last three years.

Says he owes nothing for Sect 7 that he has previously paid for then just up and stopped.

Anyways you get the just of it.

My 11 yro is dead set against more time. He is so jaded and doesnít believe dad will change as he hasnít yet to this point. I force him to go and itís a struggle now. How d I sell more time. (Trust me I can use a free night once a week!!) kids told OCL They want it how it is. No more time...

I am saying kids... daddy will be better and do fun things and spend quality time with you.... they both say ya right.

Disclosure was a month ago and he hasnít done a single thing to improve.

Actually he Finally contacted one of the boys therapists to ask for a report of what has gone on. He also told said therapist he was not aware our son was attending.

So I kindly forwarded them both the emails from a year ago where I notified dad. Invited him to attend, then passed on the phone number and ext of the therapist. He is trying to backdoor everything and make me look like I donít ask/inform him. Where I have 100ís of emails that show different.

He inflated all the Sext 7 I am asking for. So a judge may look at it and think Iím nuts. But those are not the correct figures.

So hard to breathe and wait.


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  #7  
Old 05-25-2019, 10:01 AM
Selfrepmom Selfrepmom is offline
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It may seem like a hard pill to swallow but accepting joint custody status may be what you need to do to pacify your ex.

I offered up joint custody to my ex right away (same situation as you, status quo of multiple years with me as primary) and it got him to settle on a lot of other issues.

If your ex is anything like mine he probably has his current partner in his ear telling him to fight tooth and nail for that joint status- as he should. But the reality of it is, after litigation settles down and he is done defending his pride, you will probably go back to basically having sole custody. I mean, unless you plan on changing up the kidís schooling or anything else major, itís not that big of a deal. You already have day to day decision making- accept the offer of EOW and joint and you still retain all power pretty much. Or roll the dice and let a judge decide.
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Old 05-25-2019, 10:24 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is online now
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It may seem like a hard pill to swallow but accepting joint custody status may be what you need to do to pacify your ex.



I offered up joint custody to my ex right away (same situation as you, status quo of multiple years with me as primary) and it got him to settle on a lot of other issues.



If your ex is anything like mine he probably has his current partner in his ear telling him to fight tooth and nail for that joint status- as he should. But the reality of it is, after litigation settles down and he is done defending his pride, you will probably go back to basically having sole custody. I mean, unless you plan on changing up the kidís schooling or anything else major, itís not that big of a deal. You already have day to day decision making- accept the offer of EOW and joint and you still retain all power pretty much. Or roll the dice and let a judge decide.


Yes you are correct. gf is definitely driving this train.

Control freaks. I couldnít possibly give joint as each time I would need consent from them(her). And they refuse it at every chance. And then demand I give them more Information and they will think about it.

Like kids leg is shorter than the other. He is in Pain. I tell dad drs app and to come. The. He doesnít show up. Dr prescribes orthotics and physio and I notify dad. He tells me he canít afford the 25$ not covered by MY health benefits that I pay for them. He says I need a second opinion and I need to jump through hoops to prove to him this is in kids best interest. And he does not consent!! As itís above his means.

This is his response for everything even with me having sole custody.

Kids have played rec hockey. For three years. He has paid half for three years. Now all of a sudden he says no?? For what reason? Beyond his means. He paid it when living single. Now he is common law. Her kids and gf donít come before his own. He put he had three other children to support

Many more examples of this

I ignored his non consent got our kid orthotics at my cost and look our kid is pain free and back to running/walking playing without constant pain.

Ocl confirms I have their best interest. He does not.

He would use joint status to deny everything.

I offered extra time in my Sundayís long fine ago. He says I purposely offer time when I. Now he is busy. Lol

Ya he is kid free those days. So take your kids one on one.

We would all love kid free days. Thatís not the life of a dedicated parent.

I offered Thursdayís for mid week. He says no... ( I know gf kids are gone to their dads this day). Perfect time for some one on one with his kids with the gf. Nope. He wants kid free tome again.

So you see itís their way or the highway on every point.

Also he wants pickup to be 4:30 pm. On his days. So he expects me who works till 5 to provide childcare from bus till 4:30. Ummmm no way. How is that fair?? Get them from school or the bus!!! Just like I have to modify my work hours to put them on the bus in the morning because he ditched his kids a year ago. He has access each morning... to put them on bus. He confined for many months showing up late. Making me late for work and kids late for bus or school. So I aced it as it was a stressful start to the childrenís morning standing in driveway wondering when daddy would show up. Now I miss 15mins pay each day to do it myself. But now my kids are happy and on time each day.


He paid sect 7ís half of until the day he moved gf in. Then just flat out refused and stopped paying saying itís beyond his means.

Not sure how joint would ever work.

Oh ya and he put clause in that if we donít agree itís up to the parenting coordinator. (Which costs money) he says he has no money yet he wants to pay for this????

Another clause saying I canít bring any motion to change until we have exhausted mediation or other methods. So if his pay goes up next year. (Which Iím sure it will) I canít ask for updates child support ???? Nuts!!

My kids are in hockey in winter soccer in summer. Thatís it.

One need tutoring for a year. Thatís done. He is now and A student

Other went to therapy once a week for a year. Thatís done.

Dad refused to partake in any of it.

Itís just so obvious he is money motivated.


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Old 05-25-2019, 12:42 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Originally Posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
Itís just so obvious he is money motivated.
You, on the other hand, are so noble that you do not care about money at all.

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Originally Posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
He listed all invoices... he paid half... our agreement states it should be in proportion to our incomes.
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Originally Posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
He owes $4300 arrears and his offer to settle offers $0.00

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Originally Posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
( he has paid half of hockey for last three years for both kids)

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He refuses to pay for summer camp and or spring activity. Itís one or the other.
For somebody who is above money, you seem to talk quite a bit about money.

Oh, and of course, you want sole custody because he should have absolutely no say in the upbringing of his children in any way. You just want his money, but you don't care about money, except for the fact that you want it.

This should settle quickly.
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Old 05-25-2019, 12:55 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is online now
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You, on the other hand, are so noble that you do not care about money at all.























For somebody who is above money, you seem to talk quite a bit about money.



Oh, and of course, you want sole custody because he should have absolutely no say in the upbringing of his children in any way. You just want his money, but you don't care about money, except for the fact that you want it.



This should settle quickly.


Your hilarious Janus. Thanks.

Your missing the part about dad not being a good dad... neglecting his kids emotional and physical needs and putting his new family ahead of them.

It is about money when he states ďI need food and gas to live and have a lifeĒ. Yet when he was single and had all the time in the world he paid his fair share and didnít want his kids any extra than the bare minimum.

Great he wants more all of a sudden. Fix yourself and the way you treat your kids and I am all for it.


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