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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 04-11-2019, 07:28 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Does anyone know how the interviews go? They did the usual opening interview. Then the observations. Then spoke to the kids. Mirrored this at dads home. Now we are on the last leg of just final phone interviews with each parent. Does anyone know what the final phone call is for? Or what they usually discuss? Disclosure is end of April.


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Old 04-12-2019, 09:06 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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For me- the last phone interview was to review and clarify some things our investigator had learned from her collateral interviews. For example, she spent a long time asking me about the CAS safety screening I did. She seemed aghast by my answers "you said he became physically violent with you when you were pregnant??" and I was like "um, yes- I told you that in the initial interview". Honestly- it felt really redundant on some things. On others she wanted some more information- e.g. D2's allergist told her about OIT (oral immuno therapy) for her allergies and she wanted to know if I wanted to do that, will I pay for it (yes, duh), and what would I do if D2's dad opposed it (fight him in court).

She also wanted to know what I wanted- she actually asked me what my ideal arrangement would be. She wanted to know if I still felt unsafe for myself (yes), and for D2 (maybe- and I told her that that is the hardest part about this situation- not actually knowing). She wanted to know if I had a plan on where I would live, etc etc...basically they will want to know if you have a plan moving forward on the best course for the kids.

Be ready to be open and frank. Have a plan for a go forward basis for you and the kids.

Learn from my mistake- while you do NOT want to come across as an alienating mother- don't swing too far in the opposite direction. I was *TOO* pollyanna'ish and I guess I conveyed that I really really want to coparent, etc etc. It comes across in her report like I'm sort of naive to the situation- and what I want is opposing (i.e. I'm scared of ex, but I really really want to co-parent with him).

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Old 04-12-2019, 10:11 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Wow thanks for this information. My situation is a little different but I bet I will get asked similar things as in what I want going forward.

I have had the kids for 5.5 years. Sole custody. Agreed to by dad with no issues until gf got involved. The ocl order even says right on it. Partner interfering.

I pretty much want things to remain the same. I do agree dad could have some more access time. More Holliday time, But my kids are on a schedule and a routine that is working well for them. They do well in school, despite the youngest having some emotional/behaviour issues his grades are still great. They are surrounded by their friends, cousins aunts uncles and grandparents. They have a support system with me. They do not have this with dad. They have a soon to be step mom that is calling all the shots. They have 3 soon to be step siblings that bully them at dads... they are still after 1.5 years struggling with dads new situation. I told ocl previously I asked for a program called New Ways for Families. I still think this could help us. But nothin will help if somehow my exís gf doesnít but out. And I am pretty sure my collaterals have all attested to this interference on her part. My youngest son told his therapist he was afraid dads and gf were gonna hurt his brother. That is how he observes his brother being treated on dads time. I am aware that this was reported to the OCL as she casually mentioned this to my Mom while interviewing her.

Thanks for the info!!


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Old 05-01-2019, 07:13 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Ocl Disclosure update..

So finally after 9 months the OCL Disclosure meeting was completed.

Wow what a shit show for my ex... I almost felt bad for him.

My lawyer said it was the first OCL meeting where the social worker actually confirmed all his client was telling him.

Sole custody to remain with mom. EOW to dad. Even though the kids told her they donít want mid week access she is still recommending it so dad can repair his relationship with them.
She has recommended caring dads program to dad. As well as therapy for dad and his boys.
She reported that dad admitted his gf is doing all the communicating with me via email and that itís me and the gf who are Having the conflict in reality.
She did say she doesnít blame the gf as she is taking direction from dad so ultimately itís him to blame for putting it on the gf.
She said gf needs to step waaaaay back and my partner needed to become more involved with the kids. (He really is involved we just didnít elaborate on that much)

She recommended gf kids switch there access weekends while my kids attend because of all the things the kids reported to her. Ex.
Feeling bullied but gfís kids
Fighting for attention from dad and gf
Feeling like they are worthless compared to gf kids
Feeling as though dad doesnít love them because he just shoves them to play with gf kids and doesnít spend any time with them on access.
She said she will also list incidents the kids and therapists reported in her report to back this up

She said this wouldnít be forever, but until myself, the therapist and the kids agree they are ready to be blended and can handle it, it should continue. She said dads gf kept saying ďblended familyĒ was important to her and she agrees but that the kids never felt blended and still donít. The kids keep saying they just want time with dad and they never get it.

She said that dad should take them to one summer and one winter sport even if itís in his time because that is standard and what has been practised for the last 3 years prior. To change that or deny it all of a sudden isnít best for them. Especially when therapists and dr all recommended it.

She said dad should suck it up and start participating in family things he was invited to again because it was best for the kids

She also gave a very strong opinion that all the conflict is Section 7 related. She said she has never done or noted that before. But itís obvious in this case and needed to be pointed out.

She quoted my exís and Iís statements many Times.
ExĒ we used to be civil because he gave into everything and I wanted everything and he is fed up and done doing what I want, and he still need to live and have money for food and gasĒ was repeated more than 3 times.

She told him one summer and one winter sport/ activity is standard and reasonable. And many of the families she worked with have kids in way more.

She said no joint custody as dad admits he canít communicate with me. He cited itís his English as second language and that if he wanted to compose and email it would take him half a day. He said the thoughts and opinions in her emails to me are his though lol. She said dad and I used to get a long before and he should strive to get back to what it once was for the kids.

She also mentioned all the delays. The delays with first ocl due to dads suggested conflict of interest. She then cited in detail how she too took almost 3ímonths to actually meet with dad. As first appointment took a month too book. Then was cancelled my dad. Then took another month to reach him. She cited he did the same thing to CAS... which prompted and unannounced home visit to him. She told him how frustrating this is to be treated this way when OCL was at his request.
She cited how he took two months to sign consent forms
She also debunked his complaints about me restricting and trying to take away his parenting time. He mentioned I took away daily morning access and Wednesday evening access. Both of which were extra time not in our agreement.
She agreed I made the right choice for the kids because of how dad was spending that time with the kids.
Mornings he was showing up late and they were missing the bus and I was being made late for work. This was consistent. 2-3 times out of 5 days. Kids were stressed I was stressed. Then Wednesday access kids were picked up from grandparents and dad was always late. Took kids to his home and cooked himself dinner while they watched tv. She told him quality time and explained to him what it meant and gave him examples of what he could do with them. She said Wednesdayís with grandparents and cousins should Continue and that another night should be picked for mid week access. Dad said he only wanted to take one kid at a time for this recommended access. Which I think is good and kids need.

She really only commented on me about the way I worded a couple emails... ďsaying you need toĒ. And yes I admit I may have said that a few times out of frustration of having no response.

She said ultimately the communication was horrible even though it is only with the gf.


She also cited what kids reported. Their wants and wishes. And what the therapists observed. The therapists all said how I signed consents for him to participate and enquire and how he never did.

Ocl told dad to see a dr as she thinks he has a neurological issue. Such as a processing issue. She said English as second language is not and excuse since he has been here for almost 30 years. And she also said in her dealings with him she feels he doesnít understand what she is saying most of the time. So in turn how can he understand how his kids are feeling. Therapist who met him once said the same thing to ocl. Dad doesnít seem to understand how how his actions are affecting his kids and doesnít know what to do to fix it.

I for sure anticipate he will challenge the report.
There is so much more.


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Old 05-01-2019, 10:15 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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interesting. what was your ex's reaction?

was his girlfriend there?

you know- even where some of your concerns are validated- it's always a shitty feeling when that validation somehow comes at the expense of your kids. Knowing that they're feeling this terrible at his house.

I hope you guys can get back to where you were.

I know you've tried to take the high road iwth the girlfriend- but it's worth to keep trying for the sake of your kids- and frankly, your ex.

What was he hoping for again? 50/50 time sharing?

And all this started because of section 7....here's a question. I know that the OCL said 1 summer and 1 winter sport is reasonable. But for the sake of compromising and moving things forward- could you get by for the kids activities without your ex sharing the cost of the activities? On just the CS? It might be worth it for a couple of different reasons- first, you're probably paying a lot in legal fees to get these expenses and second, your ex is probably strapped for cash if he's support the new gf's kids too. It might just be worth dropping that fight- if you can swing it and keep the kids in the activities- or even just drop to 1 activity a year.
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Old 05-01-2019, 11:28 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
interesting. what was your ex's reaction?



was his girlfriend there?



you know- even where some of your concerns are validated- it's always a shitty feeling when that validation somehow comes at the expense of your kids. Knowing that they're feeling this terrible at his house.



I hope you guys can get back to where you were.



I know you've tried to take the high road iwth the girlfriend- but it's worth to keep trying for the sake of your kids- and frankly, your ex.



What was he hoping for again? 50/50 time sharing?



And all this started because of section 7....here's a question. I know that the OCL said 1 summer and 1 winter sport is reasonable. But for the sake of compromising and moving things forward- could you get by for the kids activities without your ex sharing the cost of the activities? On just the CS? It might be worth it for a couple of different reasons- first, you're probably paying a lot in legal fees to get these expenses and second, your ex is probably strapped for cash if he's support the new gf's kids too. It might just be worth dropping that fight- if you can swing it and keep the kids in the activities- or even just drop to 1 activity a year.


So no gf wasnít in the room. She could have been in the lobby but I was there first so didnít see.

There was no room for discussions. They got up and left immediately after ocl said thatís it.

Dads reaction was stone faced. No emotion. But he is usually like this.

It is very awful to hear how bad they perceive their time with their dad. I felt really awful a few times when she was quoting what they said or how she observed them. And how badly they feel about where they donít fit in.

Ocl said gf needs to back off. And butt out. So we will see if she does. Says she needs to stop sending me demands for information that dad is quite capable of obtaining himself. Consents were signed over a year ago so why are they still demanding me to provide them with all info. She told him it is to stop now and itís his responsibility.

Here is the thing about CS and section 7. His child support has dropped $50 month because he took extra time off work in 2018. With no explanation, warning or reasoning given. He does not have to support his gf and her kids. Her kids father pays $1400 month in cs.. 70% Sect 7. For 2 activities each for three kids. And she gets a hefty disability credit for her oldest son. (Yes I went and looked at her SA itís public). Oh and she works part time.

He chose again for no reason that is obvious to move 50 mins away from his kids to more expensive home. Fine he is entitled to do that, but then donít complain you have no money for food and gas. His kids and their financial/ emotional needs should always come before a new partner and her kids. No matter what.

My ex still makes more money than I do. Always has.

I did take out of my offer to settle summer camp fees(actually I missed it, but itís out) and took out resp payments and life insurance.

So sooner and hockey were left in which he has always previously paid only half for when his share should have been more. Still only asking for half.

Half of therapy if an when itís needed again
Half of my health benefits as he has never have any and half of any uninsured health/ dental. The usual school clause.

And firstly ex started out with sole custody claim. Then he lowered it to 50/50... and he has not filed undo hardship because he doesnít qualify..

I have had to re mortgage my house to do all this. Yes it sucks but I am advocating for my kids. And remember we have an agreement in place that worked fine until his gf for involved and he paid his share.

So I get what your saying about backing off the sect 7ís. I did take off about $800 from his arrears in the OTS.

But if I calculated health benefits for the next 13-15 years that I am paying for myself. (Again he paid for half until gf got involved). I would be paying over 25k myself. And that is just for health insurance. Not school. Not sports. Not uninsured things.

He has an offer to settle. So clock starts ticking now I guess. Itís a very good offer. He wonít accept it. Guaranteed. Because he thinks he is right.


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