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  • Restraining order?

    Hi there,

    My lawyer has advised me to include a restraining order in my pleadings, as my ex is very volatile and aggressive (has psychological and addiction issues). I have only ever been yelled at and called names, and verbally intimidated (you don't want to make me mad etc), not physically harmed.

    I am concerned that, in the long run, having a restraining order mentioned will be detrimental to our situation. (I know the ex will hold against me, maybe our child will one day too??) I just think it seems drastic to have him served with documents that mention me going for a restraining order, but clearly I haven't had the best judgment in terms of my ex in the past.

    My lawyer says that it's a good idea to put it in there so that if we need it we can get it, and that if it's not needed it won't be used.

    Your thoughts are greatly appreciated.

  • #2
    Hi singlemama:
    I am sure that you know that you have experienced emotional abuse, however I understand you not wanting to escalate the situation unless necessary. There is a really good book out there called "The gift of Fear" by Gavin Debeck..which talks about women trusting their own intuition to protect themselves. You might find this book a source of inspiration while you are going through this difficult time. My advise to you is that you know your ex better than anyone and you don't want to turn a restraining order into an "add on" or it may not be taken seriously. Trust your instincts. Good luck.

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    • #3
      I back up what mummer1962 said, trust your instincts.

      Don't let your lawyers run the show. They don't know you (much) and know your ex even less. Once they are done with you, they'll take your money and they will be out of your life on to the next case. You will have to deal with your ex and your child for the rest of your life.

      JDaddy

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      • #4
        If you don't think it is necessary, then don't file for it. Remember that you have to prove that you need one, and if you don't believe it then you don't need one.
        That said, I would take a copy of the forms JIC. You never know when you might actually need to file. And if you have a copy with you, then it will happen a little faster.

        I file for one against my ex, not really knowing if I needed one. When the review came it was not renewed, but I sure could use one now. Apparently my whole office heard the nice "conversation" I had with him yesterday even though I was in the hallway and through closed doors. So wish he could not call me anymore.

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        • #5
          Thank you for your responses! You all definitely reaffirmed my initial thoughts on this.

          I actually don't know him that well, it's been less than 2 years since we met. But I do feel it will make things escalate unnecessarily, and give him clout to call me psycho etc. If I am wrong I can always call the police.

          Billiechic, I agree, it can be so terrible to talk on the phone. I told my ex to contact me via email only and it has helped a little.

          Thanks again <3

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          • #6
            Originally posted by billiechic View Post
            If you don't think it is necessary, then don't file for it. Remember that you have to prove that you need one, and if you don't believe it then you don't need one.
            That said, I would take a copy of the forms JIC. You never know when you might actually need to file. And if you have a copy with you, then it will happen a little faster.

            I file for one against my ex, not really knowing if I needed one. When the review came it was not renewed, but I sure could use one now. Apparently my whole office heard the nice "conversation" I had with him yesterday even though I was in the hallway and through closed doors. So wish he could not call me anymore.
            I take it he phoned you and if he did, then you have every right to hang up on him to take control of the conversation.

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            • #7
              yes, he called. And ultimately I did hang up. I just got dragged in a little. I have told him not to call anymore and if he does I won't answer, it can go to voicemail. I told him to text me or call my lawyer. I'm sure he will only be calling my lawyer if it actually IS important, so I'm not worried about racking up a bill.

              Comment

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