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  • custody?

    I have a 6 year old son who hasn't seen his dad since he was 2. We were never married, and didn't live together since months before the baby was born. The boy has ALWAYS lived with me, and has had 2 alone visits with his dad in those first 2 years.

    My question is... if I go for a formal custody agreement, what are the chances that I'm going to have to share custody with the dad. The dad is unstable, currently in recovery, but with a 17 year + history of drug abuse, and splits his time between his mom's couch and jail. He has no home of his own, no job, no stable supports, and tthe thought of having my son there scares me to death.

    In the meantime, if I want to move to example, the states, then I'd need to have sole custody.

    I don't know what to do and anyone with insight into this kind of issue would be GREATLY appreciated.

  • #2
    What are your chances for sole custody? Based on the facts you've given? About 110%.

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    • #3
      If the child has been with you all this time and there has been no questioning custody on the father's part all these years ...I think the probability of you getting sole custody is excellent at best. If you have sole custody of the child you can move to the states unless has it stated in the court order that you can not leave the province /county with the child without further permission of the court. That type of request is not a normal one and the court will want to know what it is being requested from him.

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      • #4
        Do you think that the Dad wants to see the child? I am thinking the best he could get with his history is supervised access.

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        • #5
          custody

          The dad has asked to visit with him on occasion, however it's usually when he's in jail, and I've refused on the grounds that a visiting room in a jail could be very scary/hurtful/?? to my son.

          I've been very careful to not influence my sons opinion of his dad, even going so far as to explain his abcense by saying that his dad is "sick, and can't visit because he needs to concentrate on getting better." We openly talk about things he's done with his dad (because he doesn't remember them, but does have pictures of events), and he has pictures of that side of his family that he can look at and talk with my side of the family about.

          I'm just worried that a judge may look at the dad's situation and say "he is trying." and have that trump all the other missed visits etc.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by 1boysmom View Post
            The dad has asked to visit with him on occasion, however it's usually when he's in jail, and I've refused on the grounds that a visiting room in a jail could be very scary/hurtful/?? to my son.

            I've been very careful to not influence my sons opinion of his dad, even going so far as to explain his abcense by saying that his dad is "sick, and can't visit because he needs to concentrate on getting better." We openly talk about things he's done with his dad (because he doesn't remember them, but does have pictures of events), and he has pictures of that side of his family that he can look at and talk with my side of the family about.

            I'm just worried that a judge may look at the dad's situation and say "he is trying." and have that trump all the other missed visits etc.
            I agree a place of incarseration in not a place for a child. He would not be able to touch his father and only speak to him through plexiglass or by way of holding a phone receiver. I am sure any judge in their right mind would not hold the decision you made on that issue against you. It is good that you speak possiitively about the other parent to the child...it shows that you have good moral charactor and are doing what is in the child's best interest and that is what is important to the judge.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by dovan View Post
              I agree a place of incarseration in not a place for a child. He would not be able to touch his father and only speak to him through plexiglass or by way of holding a phone receiver. I am sure any judge in their right mind would not hold the decision you made on that issue against you. It is good that you speak possiitively about the other parent to the child...it shows that you have good moral charactor and are doing what is in the child's best interest and that is what is important to the judge.
              all depends on what jail it is. One of the times that my ex was in jail the visiting room was just that a room filled with tables and chairs.

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              • #8
                Then again, if Dad is only asking to see his child when he's in jail, that may say something about his overall suitability to parenting the child.

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                • #9
                  Monday

                  Well, I'm going to see a lawyer on Monday. I'll let you guys know how it goes. Thank you so much for your insight. Sometimes its REALLY helpful to have a third party listen.

                  Thanks, and I'll let you know!

                  Comment

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