HI everyone.
I of course never expected to be here, but I need advice from people who know what I am dealing with. Who've had the courage to do something.
My husband and I have been together since we were teenagers, we are now in our early 30s with a preschool daughter. I always knew he had problems (but we all do). His father was physically and mentally abusive, where he grew up that was almost normal. He knew it was wrong and always vowed he wouldn't be like him. Alas...
A month ago things got really out of hand. He had been calling me names and saying nasty things for a day already, but then he started doing in front of our daughter. We were out looking at homes, and he would be so nice in front of the realtor, but everytime we got back in the car it would start up again. When we finally got home I arranged (secretly) for someone to take our daughter for the night. Luckily too, because he hit me that night
After she left we didn't talk for an hour or more, then he actaully asked me to have sex, I said no, not after the way you have been treating me today, and went up to bed. He followed up 5 mins later and basically burst the door in thinking I had said something rude to him ( I had responded that nobody was saying he was a bad parent). You can only guess what happened, but it involved knocking me over form behind, head butting and preventing me from leaving the house. He held me down, pushed me up the stairs and would not let me leave the house even though I was screaming at the top of my lungs. he even punched me in the stomach.I grabbed the phone and dialed his sisters, he grabbed the phone and broke it. After threatening to commit suicide if I left, he finally let me leave.
When I finally came home he was there. He was supposed to go down to his mom's but was home when I got there, using the excuse that he needed clothes. I reluctantly let him in.
He felt really bad and was been completely submissive for a few days, but I am not falling for it. This is not the first time, but it has been years since any of this has happened. I am trying to play along and keep the peace for now, just so we can finish the renos and get the house up for sale.
He is trying to get me agree to 50/50 custody, but I won't. I've already visited the local womens shelter and asked for legal help. They have knowledgeable lawyers and ways to speed up the temporary custody process.
I didn't call the cops, I couldn't put him in jail. I know I probably should have. I made sure to tell my sister and take photos of the bruises, just so I couldn't go back on it.
I don't wish anything bad on him, I do still love him. But in this case, love is not enough. I am giving it one last shot, maybe we can figure this out, but I am very skeptical. I WILL NOT live this way anymore, I HATE the person I am around him. It's like I'm living 2 different lives. For now I am trying to avoid disagreements andget along. He really seems like he wants to change, but I keep seeing the devil underneath.
We've started marriage counselling, but for me it is not addressing the issues. I've told him I want a temporary separation, but he insists on 50/50 custody. I am going to court on Monday to get legal advice. I was hoping some of you could help me with questions etc. This was not the first time, he pushed me once when I was pregnant, banged my head off a door once about a year ago. But he uses the threat of physical violence on a monthly basis, and in the past year has been mentally and emotionally abusive quite regularly.
I already have a safety plan in place, somewhere to go, legal papers for both myself and my daughter safely hid. I even have people ready to save my dog if need be. I justy need someone who knows what I going through to help me do it.
I of course never expected to be here, but I need advice from people who know what I am dealing with. Who've had the courage to do something.
My husband and I have been together since we were teenagers, we are now in our early 30s with a preschool daughter. I always knew he had problems (but we all do). His father was physically and mentally abusive, where he grew up that was almost normal. He knew it was wrong and always vowed he wouldn't be like him. Alas...
A month ago things got really out of hand. He had been calling me names and saying nasty things for a day already, but then he started doing in front of our daughter. We were out looking at homes, and he would be so nice in front of the realtor, but everytime we got back in the car it would start up again. When we finally got home I arranged (secretly) for someone to take our daughter for the night. Luckily too, because he hit me that night
After she left we didn't talk for an hour or more, then he actaully asked me to have sex, I said no, not after the way you have been treating me today, and went up to bed. He followed up 5 mins later and basically burst the door in thinking I had said something rude to him ( I had responded that nobody was saying he was a bad parent). You can only guess what happened, but it involved knocking me over form behind, head butting and preventing me from leaving the house. He held me down, pushed me up the stairs and would not let me leave the house even though I was screaming at the top of my lungs. he even punched me in the stomach.I grabbed the phone and dialed his sisters, he grabbed the phone and broke it. After threatening to commit suicide if I left, he finally let me leave.
When I finally came home he was there. He was supposed to go down to his mom's but was home when I got there, using the excuse that he needed clothes. I reluctantly let him in.
He felt really bad and was been completely submissive for a few days, but I am not falling for it. This is not the first time, but it has been years since any of this has happened. I am trying to play along and keep the peace for now, just so we can finish the renos and get the house up for sale.
He is trying to get me agree to 50/50 custody, but I won't. I've already visited the local womens shelter and asked for legal help. They have knowledgeable lawyers and ways to speed up the temporary custody process.
I didn't call the cops, I couldn't put him in jail. I know I probably should have. I made sure to tell my sister and take photos of the bruises, just so I couldn't go back on it.
I don't wish anything bad on him, I do still love him. But in this case, love is not enough. I am giving it one last shot, maybe we can figure this out, but I am very skeptical. I WILL NOT live this way anymore, I HATE the person I am around him. It's like I'm living 2 different lives. For now I am trying to avoid disagreements andget along. He really seems like he wants to change, but I keep seeing the devil underneath.
We've started marriage counselling, but for me it is not addressing the issues. I've told him I want a temporary separation, but he insists on 50/50 custody. I am going to court on Monday to get legal advice. I was hoping some of you could help me with questions etc. This was not the first time, he pushed me once when I was pregnant, banged my head off a door once about a year ago. But he uses the threat of physical violence on a monthly basis, and in the past year has been mentally and emotionally abusive quite regularly.
I already have a safety plan in place, somewhere to go, legal papers for both myself and my daughter safely hid. I even have people ready to save my dog if need be. I justy need someone who knows what I going through to help me do it.
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