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How to introduce longer overnight parenting time

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  • How to introduce longer overnight parenting time

    Background:

    Until son was 2 there were no overnights and now son 2 has spent 3 consecutive nights over Christmas with Dad and his new family. It appears to have gone well for child, although that is only our guess as we were told nothing of how things went. But child seemed happy and not over clinging to Mom, so we are assuming he was well adjusted.

    Now Dad has chosen not to come visit child since Dec 26 ( he has reduced CS to cover travel costs) and he has said he cannot afford it. Now he went to Las Vegas and apparently has bought a new home with his GirlFriend ( he tells all this through his son, knowing Mom is close by when has has his weekly Skype visit with son.

    Now he has told son he is coming up to get him soon and he will love his new home and his new brothers and the big back yard. No mention of anything to Mom.

    Question: should we do anything, or wait until he emails and tells her of his plans. During mediation, before the agreement was signed he talked about son spending a month with him 3 times a year and that was how he would exercise his parental excess. This was pushed aside by the mediator as not relevant at this time. He made mention, in November of last year, that he intends to take child for a month and bring back when he feels ready to. And at that time Mom had said that will not be fair for Child and not in the agreement.

    The Agreement states the child resides with Mother and Father has reasonable access. No set times. They live 1000km apart.

    So what would be reasonable for a 2 year old, in this case?

  • #2
    Random thoughts:

    1000kms is a long way to travel for just a few days. It's understandable for the dad to want his time to come in greater chunks. Time is pretty fluid to a child that young too. A month does seem excessive to me though. Start with a week or two?

    I do not like "bring him back when I feel ready." That could end up being never! Whatever you agree to in the end, have a firm end date in writing before you send the child.

    If the dad doesn't exercise his access even with reduced CS for the travel, I would do something about that. How many trips was the reduction envisioned to cover?

    If he's only saying stuff to the child and not to the mom, I would just wait till you hear officially. Having a bit of warning is nice so you can start wrapping your brain around it, but at this point it could just be the dad making conversation with the child as best he can, or it could also be the dad trying to needle the mom he believes is in earshot.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Rioe View Post
      Random thoughts:

      1000kms is a long way to travel for just a few days. It's understandable for the dad to want his time to come in greater chunks. Time is pretty fluid to a child that young too. A month does seem excessive to me though. Start with a week or two?

      I do not like "bring him back when I feel ready." That could end up being never! Whatever you agree to in the end, have a firm end date in writing before you send the child.

      If the dad doesn't exercise his access even with reduced CS for the travel, I would do something about that. How many trips was the reduction envisioned to cover?

      If he's only saying stuff to the child and not to the mom, I would just wait till you hear officially. Having a bit of warning is nice so you can start wrapping your brain around it, but at this point it could just be the dad making conversation with the child as best he can, or it could also be the dad trying to needle the mom he believes is in earshot.
      Yeas, we do not respond to the information he tries to process through child. He has just sent an email that he intends to come up and take child at the soonest. So not sure what we will do. Or how she should respond? Skype is his only contact and I will not be here for a week, so he is pissed about that. Mom does bot have interenet. It is so full of conflict and certainly not an environment where they can discuss anything. I think we will be off to mediation to discuss access for this year. The agreeement has nothing except open access on reasonable basisi.

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