Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Pending Trial

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #46
    ConcernedDad has a trial seating January 24. Amidst waiting for this date to come by him and his ex have been communicating amicably, up until recently when she acquired new full time employment and wishes ConcernedDad to adhere to yet another schedule that revolves around her work schedule.
    ConcernedDad doesn’t know what is right anymore at this point. He definitely wants to take a child centred approach, but does this mean bending over backwards to accommodate his ex’s work schedule?
    He offered his ex a week about schedule with right of first refusal, and explained that when it is her week, we would take care of their daughter, until she could pick her up (basically we would be her alternative childcare).
    How will a Judge view this situation? Will he/she want ConcernedDad to work around her schedule and be accommodating? What about the fact that ConcernedDad works from 8:30am-5:30pm Monday-Friday, and I am taking care of my stepdaughter during the time he is at work?
    I want to be realistic, and know what typically would happen in this scenario.
    Next, what do we have to do to prepare for trial, what forms, etc? There will be no trial management, as ConcernedDad’s former lawyer somehow opted them out of management proceedings.
    <!-- / message -->

    The fact is things could get extremely petty, and tick off a Judge really fast, we are trying to avoid this and be realistic, but also give the kids some stabilty.

    We need to know what we are looking at realistically when this is in fromt of a Judge at trial?

    Comment


    • #47
      Originally posted by ConcernedDad71 View Post
      representingself:

      I can't agree more, to some extent. Her new job initially sounded great, she said it was 5 days on and 5 off. Then it changed to 4 on and 5 off, then it changed to 2 days, 2 night and 5 off, then she says in those 5 days off every few weeks or so she has to work a mid weeknight, then she says after 9 weeks the shifts change to different 4 on 5 off.
      And sometimes we don't have a lot of choice in the schedule that is given to us by our employers... correct?

      I know I have been in situations in the past, where I was offered employment and accepted the offer, and weeks later, the employer changed my schedule and I was forced to make hard decisions.

      When you have no seniority, you are given the shit shifts... such is life.

      The fact that she was able to find decent, full time employment with benefits so soon after relocating, and in today's economy is just short of a miracle.

      If the kids need access to the health benefits provided by her current employer, then you should be grateful. There are thousands of families in Ontario who have children with medical needs, and have to pay for them out of their pocket.

      I get that your ex has been a bit of a flake in the past, and has made poor decisions... but by your own telling of the story, she is at least trying to make ammends and do the right thing by her children.

      It is completely natural for you to have mixed feelings about her, and have trouble trusting her motives... but as two, reasonable adults, you and ConcernedStepMom need to get past the past and try to work towards a more stable, amicable future.

      You are working a dream work schedule... Monday to Friday, no weekends, no shift changes... so in my opinion, if you refuse to work around her new employment schedule.. then you are the one being unreasonable... and I believe that most Judges would agree.

      Comment


      • #48
        RS ...this is not a miraculous job find, she has 11 years senority as a nurse with the same employer..... RN jobs are not hard to come by and especially with 11 years senortity....She had full time employment before she moved, WITH benefits and pension, that she gave up to accomodate her move 100 km away.

        THe fact is that this thread is getting off the beaten path and tensions are yet again rising, it seems that one person throws a loophole comment and kindles a fire, that blows up.....

        Comment


        • #49
          Out of curiosity, What is the other parent's current occupation now?

          Comment


          • #50
            ConcernedDad's Occupation is VP of IT and Marketing at a renowned Commercial Real Estate Firm he has been employed with the same company for eigth years, but the market for IT is tapped, and after recently filing bankruptcy he cannot go back to school, because he had his student loans included as well.

            Comment


            • #51
              Definitely tough economy out there for most parent's. But, I was just clarifying the bio's mom's occupation, if she still is a practicing RN, with about eleven years experience with maybe even less seniority considering her previous hiatus 100 km away.

              Comment


              • #52
                Yes the bio mom still has her Senority, she retained an open casual position, taking a shift here and there in order to keep that senority. She is in a position that she is not sure she will like yet or not.

                Comment


                • #53
                  Understanding their absent parenting plan, Eleven years seniority suggests stability, regardless if they had an out of town sabbatical 100 km away for whatever reason. Fortunately, their employer has spelled out their next nine week schedule, after that, whats on their horizon?

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Originally posted by ConcernenedStepMom78 View Post
                    RS ...this is not a miraculous job find, she has 11 years senority as a nurse with the same employer..... RN jobs are not hard to come by and especially with 11 years senortity....She had full time employment before she moved, WITH benefits and pension, that she gave up to accomodate her move 100 km away.
                    Don't downplay the benefits of her finding stable, full time employment.
                    A Judge will see the value in her efforts.

                    You keep going on about her decision to quit her previous job... well THAT comes part in parcel with her decision to move, in order to pursue a love interest. Not a good decision... but you have said she is now trying to rectify her poor judgement.

                    You need to let go of what has happened in the past, and focus on the present and future...

                    Yes she moved away, but she moved back.
                    Yes she quit her last full time job, but now she has a new one.
                    Yes she gave up her benefits, but now she has new ones.
                    Can you see the pattern here?

                    What I see, (by YOUR version of the story), is a woman who is finally trying to do right by her children...

                    I am having some difficulty seeing the negatives in her current actions.. and both of you need to realize that a Judge will focus on what she is doing now... more so than what she has done in the past.

                    Originally posted by ConcernenedStepMom78 View Post
                    THe fact is that this thread is getting off the beaten path and tensions are yet again rising, it seems that one person throws a loophole comment and kindles a fire, that blows up.....
                    I have no intentions of fueling a fire... and I think the thread is still relevant. You may be offended because I don't agree with you...but I don't believe that my opinion is meritless.

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Well everyone is entitled to their own opinis...Whet we see and what everyone else has seen is a woman who does what benefits her only, You missed the point...she didnt quit her job, she dropped to casual and only worked a periodic shift to keep her senority ...SHE IS WITH THE SAME EMPLOYER!!!! She moved back because she did not have a choice, her and bf broke up and he was ther primary renter....blah blah blah the past is the past but she has only been back for a few months, that is not enough for a Judge to see a drastic change.

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        RS is right about what a judge will see. When considering the best interests of the children, the court (and the parents!) must be future oriented.

                        If she is taking steps to rectify her wrongs and to put herself in a good position to meet the child's best interest, that will be more compelling than the past.

                        Beware of falling into a past oriented position. You two are perhaps very rightly jaded and concerned about her past behaviour. Be careful that not to dismiss the fact that a judge may see it otherwise.

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          What I am seeing just here on these 6 pages is leading me to believe that it is the Concerned Parents who are being emotional and unreasonable,

                          I am not stating this as fact, but rather as perception. Do yourselves a favour: Take a deep breath and think about what those of us who have been critical are saying.

                          You may be the best parents since the dawn of time and you may represent the best possible home situation for all of the kids involved. However, you are coming across as closed-minded and argumentative.

                          I will say that again: you are coming across as closed-minded and argumentative.

                          That's what I see, that's what others see, and most importantly, that's what a Judge might see.

                          I'm no expert (heck, I'm up to my eyeballs in my own muck and am sinking fast) but I suggest, with kindness and compassion, that you both will want to think about how you're appearing.

                          Brownstone says that a Judge doesn't know squat about you or your case and can only go by facts, figures, and feelings. You don't want to be sending those negative vibes across the Bench.

                          Our respective situations all suck and this is an emotionally charged arena - I get that. There's not a day that goes by where I don't want to rage at the gods, stamp my feet, shake my fists and see unpleasant things happen to those who are vexing me. But I do know that only calm, cool, rational heads will prevail.

                          I trust that you'll receive this critique in the spirit in which it is intended.

                          Cheers!

                          Gary

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            The fact is anyone in here knows the hell that we have been through. We came to this forum for help, and the reason we have not been in the forum for a while was because it was causing us as much stress as the ex.

                            A Judge's job is to predict what may happen, in order to make an order that sticks and does not see the parties back in court.

                            The facts are the facts, and although Bio Mom has made some positive moves in the right diretions, she has done this in the past as well, only to turn around and do a 360.

                            Bio Mom moved 100km away but she managed to make sure she could drive her daughter back and forth forr her access...thats positive right? Because the daughter gets time with her mom, screw the fact that she lives so far away, the daughter gets her mom.

                            You cannot just wave a magick wand one day and expect it all to be a perfect fairy tale.

                            ConcernedDad and I have been through through the thicke of it all, we have maintained a stable home, and life for the BOTH the children, we have been to every doctors appointment, every school function, every parent/teacher night, we have volunteered at the schools, been to the daughters IEP meeting, etc, most of which Bio Mom has not attended for the daughter, and NOT at all for the son.

                            She moved back into a 2 bedroom apartment, with no consideration of the son, having a room of his own IF and when he chose to visit, but then turned around and expected him to spend 3 weeks there to try it on for size. When the son went to pick up his stuff at her house, all she could say was , well thankfully I have more room now.

                            Most of you are forgetting that there are 2 children in this, she still does nothing for her son at all, she has not attended anything for school, even being back in town and living practically next to the school. She calls him maybe once every few months (him specifically), most of the time she calls to talk to her daughter, and will ask her what he is doing.

                            This sounds like a mother trying to do right by her children. I think we should all stand up and applaud the single Mother/Nurse. Screw the dad, and screw the kids. Mom is so important, and she is doing such a bang up job for her kids.
                            Last edited by ConcernenedStepMom78; 01-04-2011, 09:17 AM.

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Originally posted by ConcernenedStepMom78 View Post
                              Most of you are forgetting that there are 2 children in this, she still does nothing for her son at all, she has not attended anything for school, even being back in town and living practically next to the school. She calls him maybe once every few months (him specifically), most of the time she calls to talk to her daughter, and will ask her what he is doing.

                              This sounds like a mother trying to do right by her children. I think we should all stand up and applaud the single Mother/Nurse. Screw the dad, and screw the kids. Mom is so important, and she is doing such a bang up job for her kids.
                              (sigh)

                              We're not forgetting anything.

                              We are telling YOU how YOU appear.

                              We are trying to help YOU by telling YOU that if you take a deep breath, let go of the emotion, think strategically, and get your ducks in a row YOU will have an infinitely greater chance of success.

                              We are telling YOU that if you continue to wail about what a Bad Lady his ex is, YOU will fail.

                              FORGET the negative and PRESENT the positive.

                              Take it or leave it: None of us have a horse in your race.

                              Cheers!

                              Gary

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Yes there is emotion for two chidren who are hurting, as much as I have emotion for my own three children, and any other child that is put through hell by their parents, and or family court.. Most definately there is anger and passion tofight for what is right and just. FOR THE CHILDREN

                                Comment

                                Our Divorce Forums
                                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                                Working...
                                X