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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 05-13-2010, 02:16 PM
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Margaret-Krupa Margaret-Krupa is offline
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Red face How to start divorce proceedings ASAP although husband does not want it

Hello,

I would very much appreciate if someone could give me as much detail as possible on advice how to start divorce (or should it first be separation?) proceedings. Although me and my husband agreed that we need to separate and divorce, he insists that he "is not going to do or agree to anything" before our sons turn 18 years old (= 2 and 1/2 years from now). I, however do not want to wait that long. Our family is very disfunctional; me and my husband argue 80% of the time that we are together in one room, sometimes to the point when I am so emotionally shaken that I cry uncontrolably for hours or take medication to calm me down, and my husband sometimes decided to "leave the house" for hours to calm himself down. To me it seems (and my councellor and doctor agree) that such environment is in no way better for our sons to be growing up, studying and enjoying their teenage years, than if me and my husband separated and the boys would have a much more peaceful life with each one of us be it at my or my husband's home. I asked him many times why does he want to wait and his response seems somewhat vague to me. He says that he wants to be seen as "good father" for not leaving his kids before they reach the age of majority. I have a feeling that he simply is a bit scared to start life on his own - I always was and still am the one who took care of everything (looking for his or my jobs; financials, finding programs for everyone, looking for help on various issues, filling out all documents, talking to officials regarding my, my husband's, our family's stuff etc). Anyway, I know that I cannot simply ask him to leave the house (we own our house and it is almost paid off) but there must be a way to start divorce proceedings even if the other spouse does not want to do so and does not want to move out. I also understand that going to court is very expensive, and therefore am trying to "hang in" and wait for these 2 and 1/2 years to pass but on the other hand I feel guilty that by doing so I am depriving my children of having a better = more peaceful life especially now when they are transforming from being kids to being adults. I will appreciate any advice or suggestions. Thank you.
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Old 05-13-2010, 02:20 PM
billiechic billiechic is offline
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if you are at the end of your rope, then you need to separate. Your children are old enough to see that this relationship is dysfunctional. Why not show them that you can pick yourself up and move on? It sounds like having 2 stable homes, rather than one volatile one would be better for them anyway.

If you are not able to continue in your relationship and you want to end it, do it. You should not continue to suffer, period.
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Old 05-13-2010, 03:12 PM
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Margaret-Krupa Margaret-Krupa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
if you are at the end of your rope, then you need to separate. Your children are old enough to see that this relationship is dysfunctional. Why not show them that you can pick yourself up and move on? It sounds like having 2 stable homes, rather than one volatile one would be better for them anyway.

If you are not able to continue in your relationship and you want to end it, do it. You should not continue to suffer, period.
Thank you very much for your support. I need it more than anything right now... It makes me feel stronger when I see one more preson stating similar point of view on our marriage. I just wish that my husband could see this too, and make decisions based on what is better for all of us rather than for him only...
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Old 05-13-2010, 03:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Margaret-Krupa View Post
I just wish that my husband could see this too, and make decisions based on what is better for all of us rather than for him only...
Welcome to the divorce process where some people/parents put themselves and their needs first before anyone else including their own family including children

Im sure this is not a trait he just learned.
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