Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Ex making school negative experience

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #46
    Do nothing.

    And for Pete's sake, don't involve the teacher. If the teacher has concerns about your daughters attendance, performance or behavior, trust that she will be professional enough to approach you both. Don't involve her in your petty drama with your ex. There is no need to give her a heads up. Ridiculous.

    Just as it was before, this is a non-issue.

    Get back to work with the kids at your school that need you.

    Comment


    • #47
      Not much you can do here. Send your ex a note saying you're concerned about all the time Kid is missing school just to get it on record - but you can't make her bring Kid to school if she claims Kid is sick.

      If Mom had a legal obligation to make sure Kid attended school (that is, if Kid were of the age for mandatory schooling, as opposed to junior kindergarten, which is optional), the school would have some leverage to require her to make sure Kid attends, but for an optional pre-school programme - not so much. Absenteeism in junior kindergarten is pretty common.

      The teacher doesn't need to be involved. The attendance issue is between you and Mom, the teacher isn't party to any agreement the two of you may have.

      So it's not great, but it's not the end of the world. Kid still attends when she's with you, missing a few days with Mom won't undo everything she's learning.

      Comment


      • #48
        Originally posted by rockscan View Post
        Youre fighting a losing battle on this one my friend. It was a long weekend and of course your ex is going to stay in QC. Its sad she has to lie about it.
        Yes .. VERY sad. D4 was talking about how she was going out to ride her bike, etc. Ex doesn't want her in school .. and is basically making that happen on her time. QC trips continue to be more important.
        On the other hand shes setting a precedent for kid that she doesnt have to go to school.
        This is the part I'm most concerned about.

        Comment


        • #49
          By the way, I meant to add that going to see grandma in QC is a valid reason in my opinion for four-year-old to miss school. When my ex booked my daughter's vacation on March break, he added an extra day or two off school so she would have more time. I didn't see it as a big deal and the school didn't seem to care at all. My daughter has missed many, many days of high school due to illness. She is still a straight A student. Try not to worry so much. An extra day to recover from the weekend never hurr anybody.

          Play-based emergent learning allows the child to work at their own pace. Your daughter's education will not suffer because she misses a few days here and there.

          Comment


          • #50
            When the school feels that your daughter's attendance is relevant and important and a concern, they will let you know. As I've stated before, the age for the school is 6/grade one.

            I honestly think when your ex find something more fun to do, daughter will be in school full-time. I wouldn't worry about it.

            Comment


            • #51
              Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
              Yes .. VERY sad. D4 was talking about how she was going out to ride her bike, etc. Ex doesn't want her in school .. and is basically making that happen on her time. QC trips continue to be more important.

              This is the part I'm most concerned about.

              Like I said, don't bother. Shes got three months left. Next year if it continues start logging it. Otherwise don't start a fight where one isn't needed. Your ex is pushing your buttons. Don't let it get to you.

              Comment


              • #52
                Originally posted by SadAndTired View Post
                Do nothing.
                Wrong. I'll document. Doing nothing would be silly.

                Don't involve her in your petty drama with your ex. There is no need to give her a heads up. Ridiculous.
                What's petty to you may not be petty to others. Trying to convince a Dr. to not let dad see their kid is my definition of ridiculous.

                By the way .. who said her j/k teacher was a "her"? It's actually a he, which is great since ex claimed D4 was petrified of all men.

                Just as it was before, this is a non-issue.
                I believe the only way this would be an issue for you is if I was the parent disallowing D4 to go to school on my time despite an order.

                My ex is doing what the title of this thread reads. Unfortunately this may continue in to the subsequent years (S/K, grade 1, etc).

                I dont want D4 to think that life is about collecting Welfare checks and sitting around the house all day. Again, all I can do is pray she models the correct household. The hard working family who all work and promotes education.

                S&T:
                By the way, I meant to add that going to see grandma in QC is a valid reason in my opinion for four-year-old to miss school.
                But ex said she's sick as hell coughing, not able to go to school. How is she able to travel, play with friends etc?

                Play-based emergent learning allows the child to work at their own pace. Your daughter's education will not suffer because she misses a few days here and there
                She will suffer if she is conditioned to think that ex's lifestyle is the way to go. School/work sucks... stay home all day.

                I think you're confused. Ex didnt say "We'd like to spend an extra day visiting family. She pointed out that D4 was healthy enough to go to QC and play hard but not healthy enough to go to school.

                You don't really need to try and teach me about play based learning. The pace of learning is not my concern ... D4's mental representation of what school "is" and motivation to go now and in the future is.

                Collecting Welfare checks and refusing to seek employment (despite an order) is one thing. Refusing a child an experience at school when there's a order is another.

                Will I pursue anything? Naaa. But I'll continue to model to D4 positive thiings about school, work and life in general. I will also DOCUMENT all the absences .. as obviously it's wrong. Not the end of the world .. but still wrong.

                Get back to work with the kids at your school that need you.
                Can you please stop worrying about my job? In the past you've worried about when I posted, why I wasn't working, etc. If you must know I took a vaca day today to get some things done.
                Please don't worry about my work ethic .. it's disturbing that you would in the first place.

                And D4 does need me....to show her how to be a productive member of society .. someone has to right?
                Last edited by LovingFather32; 03-29-2016, 12:48 PM.

                Comment


                • #53
                  Your ex is a liar. This has been proven. Document the days. If it continues next year you say something.

                  D4 isnt going to have a poor work ethic because shes missing time in jk. You promote a positive home environment and she will model the behaviour of your step daughter.

                  Yes it sucks right now but think of the end game. Riling things up now wont do anything. Taking action next year will be a better play.

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                    Your ex is a liar. This has been proven. Document the days. If it continues next year you say something.

                    D4 isnt going to have a poor work ethic because shes missing time in jk. You promote a positive home environment and she will model the behaviour of your step daughter.

                    Yes it sucks right now but think of the end game. Riling things up now wont do anything. Taking action next year will be a better play.
                    Super advice as per usual Rock.
                    Thanks

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      As hard as it is to not let this bother you (and I say that after watching Mopey von Sadface all weekend), you truly have to stop letting things like this get to you. You cant change the other person, you can only change your reaction to them.

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Yea .. learning as I go here for sure.

                        I, as most posters here just want what's best for D4. It sucks to see her think school is some kind of joke that she doesn't have to show up for.

                        Likewise .. it's hard to hear D4 say that she doesn't want to work when she's older. That she wants to stay at home all day like mommy and mamey.

                        As a parent trying to teach the right things .. you're correct, I'm slowly realizing that there's nothing I can do if ex wants to teach her those things. However there is an order in place and I do know that as years go by, ex's motivation to downplay and deter education and model the welfare life may be what constitutes a change in custody in the future....if it were t ever come to that. Not following orders + not doing what's best (or modeling what's best for the child) is frowned upon by the courts.

                        For now .. I'm just documenting and doing my best to teach D4 about living a healthy, happy lifestyle.

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          LF32, I have to give credit where credit is due. Your Ex wife is an expert at getting under your skin, especially when it has to do with D4. Don't fall into her trap. Your anxiety is your ex's currency, so do your best to ignore her nonsense.

                          I understand that you only want what's best for D4, but as others have pointed out, your lil' girlie's life will not be ruined by missing a couple days of pre-school.

                          Don't underestimate your good influence on your daughter's behavior and future work ethic. You worry too much for your own good! R_E_L_A_X

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Parents have different lifestyles, priorities and habits - this is always going to happen, divorce or no divorce. Until the day comes when we clone kids or hatch them out of eggs, as long as there's another parent involved there's going to be differences of opinion as to who's setting the best example for the kids. As long as the other parent isn't neglecting or abusing the kid, the best response is rockscan's: you parent in the best way you see fit and don't expend too much energy on the differences between you and Mom.

                            And try to avoid catastrophizing. Kid has been in junior kindergarten for what, about three months? It's a bit early to worry that "as years go by, ex's motivation to downplay and deter education and model the welfare life may be what constitutes a change in custody in the future". If that happens, deal with it when it happens.

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Originally posted by stripes View Post
                              Parents have different lifestyles, priorities and habits - this is always going to happen, divorce or no divorce. Until the day comes when we clone kids or hatch them out of eggs, as long as there's another parent involved there's going to be differences of opinion as to who's setting the best example for the kids. As long as the other parent isn't neglecting or abusing the kid, the best response is rockscan's: you parent in the best way you see fit and don't expend too much energy on the differences between you and Mom.

                              And try to avoid catastrophizing. Kid has been in junior kindergarten for what, about three months? It's a bit early to worry that "as years go by, ex's motivation to downplay and deter education and model the welfare life may be what constitutes a change in custody in the future". If that happens, deal with it when it happens.
                              So much better than I said it.

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Originally posted by SadAndTired View Post
                                Why are you being so dramatic?

                                You are an EA with much behavioural experience. You don't need advice on how to handle a four year old with separation anxiety or manipulative behaviours. Either you buy into them or deal with them.

                                You need advice on how to:

                                a) Deal with your ex.

                                My advice was to butt out. Your ex will never have the "good, responsible discussion" you want her to. Stop expecting her to behave/act/choose differently. You cannot convince her and make things worse by engaging her. Move on!

                                b) Deal with your feelings, emotions and reactions to her.

                                My advice was to examine your own reactive behaviour and your worry that D4's entire school experience would be affected by your ex. The school will address attendance issue at an age when they feel it is important and relevant. Grade one/age 6.
                                Honestly, your the last person I need advice from. Sorry if you find that harsh..but I saw how you handled your own situation. Unfortunately you camp out on my threads jumping at any opportunity to call me names (catfish, dramatic, abuser, etc). Guess that's how you roll.

                                Comment

                                Our Divorce Forums
                                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                                Working...
                                X