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  • Breaking separation agreement and move

    Hi everyone

    The mother of my two young children has stated that she IS moving 1500KM away at the start of July. Unfortunately the seperation agreement i signed 2 years ago stated that if i moved from the Toronto area she was free to move anywhere in Canada.

    I moved 1 hour away from their current home a year ago for a new job but still continue to see my boys every other weekend and once a week for dinner. I drive nearly 50,000KM a year seeing them so much and want to remain part of their lives. I realize that i was silly to sign such an agreement but i was being black mailed at the time as she had me arrested with bogus assault charges.

    My ex wife knew that i might be fired if i had a criminal record and used this in our negotiations. It was obviously blackmail but i wanted to be able to pick up my kids without supervision, get on with life and keep my job - So i agreed to her unfair terms. Sure enough she contacted the crown attorney and told them she would like the charges dropped - they informed her they cannot drop the charges but after a week of her pressuring them they did indeed drop the charges and issue a peace bond for one year. Now 2 years later she wants to move and i am wondering about what the courts would decide?

    Does the separation agreement trump whats in the kids best interests? Right now she wants to move 1500KM away where she would have NO job and no family.

    I am seeing a NEW lawyer this week but any advice would be appreciated.

    Thanks

  • #2
    Originally posted by honkytonkman View Post
    Does the separation agreement trump whats in the kids best interests? Right now she wants to move 1500KM away where she would have NO job and no family.

    I am seeing a NEW lawyer this week but any advice would be appreciated.

    Thanks
    Write a formal letter to her sending it by email and registered mail, stating that you don't agree that she should be removing the children from their familiar residence and you don't consent to the move as it is not in the childrens best interests.

    If she puts up any resistance, you get a lawyer and file for a restraining order to prevent her from leaving ASAP.

    On a side note, has she informed you of what she plans on doing to ensure your access? Is she going to pay for the flights so you can see your kids? Are you getting the entire summer or at least 1/2 and every March break? Is she willing to reduce your child support so that you are able to exercise your parenting time? If she has no plan on how she is going to ensure your continued involvement with the children, then she won't look good in court.

    But you need to move fast and formally advise her that you don't agree/consent to this move and feel it is detrimental to the children. Or you could say she is free to move all she wants, but the kids are staying with you.

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks for the advice HammerDad

      I just sent off the formal letters and will await her response. I havent heard any plans from her regarding new visitation schedules, shared costs for plane rides or anything else of that nature. She seems to be content that my children might see me 2 times a year....

      My main worry is that she might be able to get away with this as i did sign an agreement stating this was acceptable.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by honkytonkman View Post
        My main worry is that she might be able to get away with this as i did sign an agreement stating this was acceptable.
        State that you did agree at that time, but did not foresee her moving such a distance. Further, as she has not provided you with any details about how she is going to facilitate your regular parenting time or provided you with any details of how the move is in the best interests of the children, you cannot agree to the move at this time.

        If she says she has a job paying her 2x as much, all her family live out there and she is willing to pay to fly the kids out 1 time per month and for 1/2 the summer. And in the mean time reduce your child support so you can fly out that way every other month and to cover the costs of long distance telephone charges. And she also provides the kids and you with designated times for you to video conference through skype, then she has a better argument.

        But to move with no job prospects to a place with no family ties, she will probably have a huge up hill battle. IMO, she has probably met some guy over the internet and has decided to go live near him. An unreasonable decision given your regular (you do see your kids every scheduled time I hope?!?) involvement with the children.

        What you need to do also is to document every minute that you spend with your kids in a journal. Pickups, drop-offs, meals etc. Call their teacher to be involved if haven't been. Attend their activities, just be an involved dad.

        Comment


        • #5
          good advice from Hammerdad. The main point is to express (in writing) that you do not consent to the move.

          Was your separation agreement registered in the court? Is it an order? If it wasn't and she has no valid reasons for the move (that will benefit the kids) then you have a good chance of stopping it.

          When you moved it was for work purposes? You might need to argue that your move was beneficial to the kids (increased wage-increased ability to support, no loss in access time etc) as she is likely to say "you moved away first". Get your ducks in a row now...something here is fishy...

          Comment


          • #6
            Thanks everyone - good advice!

            My separation agreement wasnt registered in court. We never went to trial so i guess it was an easy divorce. I believe her reasons for moving are for the following:

            1- Her family is 4 hours away from where she wants to take the kids too but 4 hours is still long drive.
            2- House prices are cheaper but it will be hard for her to get job in small city

            When i moved it was a promotion for work and to be honest, I couldnt afford to stay in Toronto after 40 percent of my paycheck was taken every month. I still see my boys a lot but not as much as outlined in the agreement. For instance it says overnights on wed, well i cant really do that when i live an hour away, so i just take them out for dinner and fun.

            Much appreciated....

            Comment


            • #7
              so she is moving without having a secured job, and there is no family nearby (4 hours drive is NOT nearby). Sounds pretty selfish to me....

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by honkytonkman View Post
                2- House prices are cheaper but it will be hard for her to get job in small city
                Yeah, toronto is expensive. But Hamilton, Oshawa, Bowmanville, Stouffville, Georgetown and various other areas are still cheap to reasonable. Cost of housing shouldn't be a factor when you have comparable markets within 45 minutes of Toronto Centre.

                Comment


                • #9
                  If she has told you she is moving the start of July, that is 1 month, she has probably already given notice to move out of her old place and very likely would have found a place to move into already.

                  If you don't get a response from her immediately, I would find a lawyer right away and get an emergency motion stopping the move. Otherwise she will just go ahead and move. If you find out she's packing one week before July 1st, what are you going to be able to do about it, and to be fair (to the kids at least) where are they going to live if they can't move into the place they arranged?

                  Deal with it now in a final manner, don't just wait weeks for her non-response.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by honkytonkman View Post
                    Thanks everyone - good advice!

                    My separation agreement wasnt registered in court. We never went to trial so i guess it was an easy divorce. I believe her reasons for moving are for the following:

                    1- Her family is 4 hours away from where she wants to take the kids too but 4 hours is still long drive.
                    2- House prices are cheaper but it will be hard for her to get job in small city

                    When i moved it was a promotion for work and to be honest, I couldnt afford to stay in Toronto after 40 percent of my paycheck was taken every month. I still see my boys a lot but not as much as outlined in the agreement. For instance it says overnights on wed, well i cant really do that when i live an hour away, so i just take them out for dinner and fun.

                    Much appreciated....
                    Just to clarify, did you have a 'legal' separation agreement or was it something just the two of you put together?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      The agreement was created with the assitance of our two lawyers, going back and forth for several months. The lawyers signed it and we have used it as a guideline for child support, extraordinary expenses etc....

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                      • #12
                        then it's legal. Can you contact your old lawyer?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by billiechic View Post
                          then it's legal. Can you contact your old lawyer?
                          Yes i could but i feel that lawyer put me in the situation i am currently in. I wouldnt recommend her to anyone. The agreement was very one sided. I have an appointment with a new lawyer this thursday.

                          Thanks

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            good luck then!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              You have some cause to claim that you were under duress and that it should be overturned on that basis.

                              It helps that it is a very one-sided and unfair arrangement, if this was just over a few dollars a duress claim has less weight.

                              Comment

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