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Section 30 Custody Assessments

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  • #16
    There was obviously a reason for increasing the time. More than likely based on interviews with the kids. They will tell you what you want to hear and that could include that they don’t want to spend more time with him. Meanwhile they tell the assessor they would like more time.

    A ten year old will have a difficult relationship as they are young and barely exposed to dad.

    Unless he is causing physical harm or is a danger to them he should see them. It should never be ok to restrict a parent’s time with their children especially when a trained professional recommends it.

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    • #17
      Thanks for your reply
      The assessor ignored important facts that I told him that I knew from my kids, their father was never part of their life before. The assessor could not provide any reason to justify his recommendations.
      I was hoping of find help to know what are the steps if I decide to reject the recommendations
      I know I might lose the sole custody, but most important I need to make sure that the kids interest

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      • #18
        Originally posted by rockscan View Post
        A ten year old will have a difficult relationship as they are young and barely exposed to dad.
        Not true. The less they see dad, they more they will miss him. It goes a something like quality over quantity. The only speedbump to this is the question of whether or not that relationship with the father is supported to full extent at the mother's home.

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        • #19
          Hi Ana Ana. Just to clarify, custody is decision making; access is just that. Is it possible for you to send an offer to settle implementing parallel parenting and gradual increased access? Parallel parenting gives each parent defined points such as health, dental, , religion, schooling, and which extracurricular activities the children should join to decide on. Our assessor recommended this type of decision making for my ex and me. Would something like this possibly work in your situation? If the assessor recommended continued and increased access, include in your offer a gradual increase even though your children are not littles anymore. It is best to show some kind of willingness to do what is best for the children. It should become evident very quickly whether or not your ex is serious or just yanking chains because he can. It sucks to be in this position but, if there is no abuse documented, work with them for a resolution, not agsinst.

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          • #20
            Successfuljourney, that's a huge issue in my case. The assessor was able to determine that I essentially do not exist in dad's home. Both dad and stepmom had a strip torm off them for doing just that. My kids had told me and the assessment confirmed, that one way to keep me out of the picture was their insistance that my (our) boys call her mom. The boys simply call her by her name but were (are still?) being yelled at and forced to call her mom.

            Take a big note, fathers do this too.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by cranberry View Post
              Successfuljourney, that's a huge issue in my case. The assessor was able to determine that I essentially do not exist in dad's home. Both dad and stepmom had a strip torm off them for doing just that. My kids had told me and the assessment confirmed, that one way to keep me out of the picture was their insistance that my (our) boys call her mom. The boys simply call her by her name but were (are still?) being yelled at and forced to call her mom.

              Take a big note, fathers do this too.

              But you are also a mother who made this comment earlier:


              Originally posted by cranberry View Post
              The man who tried to make me out to be a monster who was abusing our kids in every way possible, refuses to give his consent to this day.
              Perhaps you could tell us more about the times he raped your kids, and how many times he attempted murder on them ?

              Frankly, I don't envy him for ensuring you not exist at his home. I don't envy him one bit.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by sucessfuljourney View Post
                Not true. The less they see dad, they more they will miss him. It goes a something like quality over quantity. The only speedbump to this is the question of whether or not that relationship with the father is supported to full extent at the mother's home.


                Actually you are wrong and I know this from experience. Aside from what I learned in therapy, its heavily documented in books on divorce, custody and alienation. Kids get accustomed to a parent not being there and slowly accept their absence. Which is also why they recommend the maximum contact principle.

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                • #23
                  Successfuljourney, please take a class in reading comprehension. He has been accusing me of the abuse, not the other way around, all allegations proved malicious. And at no time, in no home, is it ever right to force a child(ren) to call their steparent mom or dad.

                  Nutshell -- he wants custody/access changed. I have never refused. I have been handing him what he wants in offers to settle for 4 years. He either ignores or pulls stunts like the assessment and is now ignoring all recommendations from the assessor, except those directed at me.

                  Yup, my kids should be taught I don't exist for sure 😂

                  Go garden as Arabian has suggested.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Ana Ana View Post
                    I am new in this forum, I don't know how to post a question, so I will do it here if you don't mind.

                    I want to reject the assessor recommendations, what will be the next step?

                    The assessor gave me sole custody for 15, 11 and 10 yrs children and therapy for the dad and youngest kid as they have bad relationships

                    Why I want to refuse it, the assessor increased their father access time, although the kids said they are happy of what they have now which every other weekends

                    Half of the breaks

                    2werks in summer and every other weekend

                    The assessor changed some facts, she ignored all my concerns about my kids safety at their dad’s so what do u think?

                    If I reject it. Do I have to go with the same assessor or I can change it?

                    Do I have to repeat the assessment?

                    Thanks in advance


                    Therapists increase time in hopes to help the situation. My kids said same thing. They are happy with the way it is. But... a social workers role is to help and make things better for the kids. So they suggest increasing time. Along with the therapy to help that extra time be better. Now I think it goes hand in hand. Which a social worker can’t enforce. Therapy and extra time. It’s sad when a parent won’t change to want to change or see how they are hurting their child with their actions. I have given my ex more time. Can’t force him to go to therapy. So the kids will just suffer more of the same they already suffer with what they had. I’m not sure you can refute an accessor ?? Just an ocl report. And that really doesn’t change any of the recommendations.


                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                    • #25
                      Wow that's awful what you have been through. I believe it's a bully tactic as my ex can afford a lot, and to deflect from the finances he is hiding. I don't think my ex should not see the child, but for shorter periods as the child wishes is requesting, and sadly he showed little to no interest until he was forced to pay child support a few months ago.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Freeasabird View Post
                        Wow that's awful what you have been through. I believe it's a bully tactic as my ex can afford a lot, and to deflect from the finances he is hiding. I don't think my ex should not see the child, but for shorter periods as the child wishes is requesting, and sadly he showed little to no interest until he was forced to pay child support a few months ago.
                        You never explained why child is afraid of dad?

                        I know it sucks when people use money as motivation to see the kid(s)....BUT- here's the thing, if your kid wants to see dad- it doesn't matter about dad's motivation- it matters what the kid wants. So facilitate that. And if there really isn't any safety issues with the kid- I would suggest working on helping child build a better relationship with dad.

                        My ex didn't pay CS for 10 months and was trying to use it as a bargaining chip to get a parenting schedule that he liked. He told me he wouldn't pay until he saw our D3 on his schedule. I told him early that she's not a bargaining chip, but I never restricted his access- and continued to increase it without getting CS.

                        My point is- even if your ex is using child support as a bargaining chip. You shouldn't.

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                        • #27
                          The child is afraid of Dad because he looses his temper in one second. Not only does he do this "behind closed doors", also on others and recently lost it (verbally) on a store employee with child present so bad they threatened to call 911 if he didn't leave. He was trying to return something, and they wouldn't return it. ($100 item) Child told me they left with no money back, and left the item. Child is in therapy, and still won't talk about incident it was so upsetting. After this incident child refused to see dad for over a week, until I needed the child to go there as I had an appointment. Dad has also thrown ice water in child's face at close range while in bed. I was beside the child and also was at the brunt of this. I would be completely fine with child being with Dad 50% if that's what the child wanted. I also have recorded several occasions where child has refused to go to dads even with my encouragement. I truly want child to have a healthy relationship with dad, but he is emotionally and mentally unstable. The child tells me they prefer shorter periods with dad. There are many other issues with dad including where child's, friend's mom came to me and told me he was drinking and driving with my child. He would often have empty beer cans behind his seat. When I called police to ask them about this they told me he has to be caught...there are more issues too.

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by Freeasabird View Post
                            The child is afraid of Dad because he looses his temper in one second. Not only does he do this "behind closed doors", also on others and recently lost it (verbally) on a store employee with child present so bad they threatened to call 911 if he didn't leave. He was trying to return something, and they wouldn't return it. ($100 item) Child told me they left with no money back, and left the item. Child is in therapy, and still won't talk about incident it was so upsetting. After this incident child refused to see dad for over a week, until I needed the child to go there as I had an appointment. Dad has also thrown ice water in child's face at close range while in bed. I was beside the child and also was at the brunt of this. I would be completely fine with child being with Dad 50% if that's what the child wanted. I also have recorded several occasions where child has refused to go to dads even with my encouragement. I truly want child to have a healthy relationship with dad, but he is emotionally and mentally unstable. The child tells me they prefer shorter periods with dad. There are many other issues with dad including where child's, friend's mom came to me and told me he was drinking and driving with my child. He would often have empty beer cans behind his seat. When I called police to ask them about this they told me he has to be caught...there are more issues too.
                            wow. I'm sorry your daughter has/had to go through that.

                            My ex also has pretty damn severe anger management issues- where he just loses it. So I know what a minefield it is being around a person like that.

                            I definitely think taking steps to support your daughter first is the right thing- but you have to be REALLY careful ever recording a kid. But when you say "recorded several occasions" - do you mean note them down somewhere (like an email to yourself)- or do you mean record with a (phone) camera your daughter saying she doesn't want to go? Because if it's the latter- you definitely should not be doing that.

                            Originally posted by Freeasabird View Post
                            Just looking for any insight from anyone who is had a section 30 private custody assessment done. What exactly do they do?...also wondering what did it end up costing?....Was it worth it?... and did you get the results that were best for the kids? My ex is pushing this ever since he has been forced to pay child support recently after being separated for over two years. For the previous 2 years before child support was ordered he rarely saw our child, and I was the one often asking him to take the child. (I have documentation/texts to prove this) The child also does not want to be with him half the time, who is 12 yrs old. The child says they are afraid of him, and resists going at times, and ex has quit calling as child would not answer the phone. My ex claims the child should have no choice. He has anger issues, documented through a therapist in a email I have and even admits this. Our child has witnessed some of these incidents, and is in therapy. There is so much more, and I would be completely supportive of the child being with him 50% as requested if was in the child's best interest. Is there another way to determine custody and reveal all the issues without doing all this. Any suggestions?
                            What is it that your ex wants? shared custody - or just more time with his kid?

                            Does your child's therapist speak with the parents? could they not suggest a course of action for your daughter? e.g. your ex do some of his own anger management work in therapy.

                            The OCL was really helpful in our case- but it does add so much time and expense to a matter. And it can also ramp up the conflict.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              I should have said I document issues etc., I do not record my child. The OCL has rejected us 3x. There is now a court order for a Section 30 assessment which will cost about $10,000/each. I am wondering if "Voice of the child" is a good alternative, but he likely will not agree. He's bullying me with all his money all through this divorce process, and says the child should not have a choice where they spend their time. As a reminder none of this was an issue until he recently was forced to pay child support after over 2 years of being separated. He's determined to have 50/50 even though I don't believe he actually wants the child that often. As a note, he has 2 older children that he has no interest in, even older daughter never had him walk her down the isle, and they estranged for years...and he admits he spent little time with them growing up. Often when he does have our child he gets a friend, therefore isn't actually spending ono on one time, and the child has even voiced this to me sadly.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by Freeasabird View Post
                                I also have recorded several occasions where child has refused to go to dads even with my encouragement.

                                Could you describe the circumstances of this recording?


                                Are you surreptitiously recording your child, or do you whip out your phone in the middle of this parenting conversation?


                                I truly want child to have a healthy relationship with dad
                                Presumably that is why you are making the recordings?

                                Comment

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