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  • CS not used on kids

    I know you aren’t supposed to question how CS is utilized and trust your ex to use it to provide for the kids. I regularly pay CS and am happy to provide it as I see it as belonging to the kids. However there is something going on that I wouldn’t mind the forums insight...

    But what if the CS isn’t used on kids? No, it’s not used on feeding a drug habit so it’s not like I can go running to court. What is going on is that the CS is straight up going into my ex’s RRSPs and personal bank account. It’s certainly not being used on the kids. I am not seen as a parent, but rather a source of income. My ex wanted to maintain as though she is a 2 income family, which must be nice, all while I struggle. I pick up the kids and they are in raggedy clothes, whereby I return them in decent clothes which I had to purchase. Very noticeable. I ask ex to pack their swimsuits so that I can take them swimming, and am told they don’t own swimsuits as she doesn’t take them swimming. So guess who’s on the hook buying swimsuits? Seems like I am buying LOTS of things that they “should” have....given the monthly CS I provide is nothing to sneeze at! She figures I’ll buy all the extra stuff so why should she bother...

    Pursue unjust enrichment? It’s hard to prove and I don’t think judges want their courts clogged with stuff like that. Plus it would cost more in legal fees to pursue than what it’s worth. And my top focus was custody and access in court to keep it straight forward for as quick of resolution as possible. My lawyer is aware of her pursuit of CS as a monthly windfall and his best advice is to keep all receipts should she ever try to re-open custody and access.

    Any advice would be appreciated! Oh yeah, having an “open conversation” about the subject would open the largest can of junk imaginable as my ex is impossible and irrational.

  • #2
    There are plenty of threads on this topic and you will get plenty of people telling you that it sucks which does nothing. You can’t control what happens to the cs you pay and getting upset does nothing.

    Stop sending the kids home with the stuff you buy. When you send them home, send them exactly how you got them. Raggedy and gross clothes and all.

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks for the advice. The system is messed up.

      My ex gets rich while I struggle. She knew what she was doing though. Knew that CS would eventually be offset so stretched to get CS for as long as she could. Played her cards right knowing the timeline to trial.

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      • #4
        This is a common refrain including in my house where he paid cs while unemployed while she was making six figures. It sucks but there is not much you can do. The kids live with her therefore you pay. Don’t pay more by sending new clothes home. Keep those for yourself.

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        • #5
          Thanks for the advice! It is unbelievable how some people are so shameless out there. Clearly just want the $$ and CCB as though it’s lottery. Want kids to themselves and keep father out of kids lives, going out to say that EOW is ‘suffice’ when both kids and dad want 50/50. Wish the courts would just shut this down when they come across blatant stories such as mine, instead of making me “do the court dance” where years and thousands were wasted when the proper outcome should’ve occurred from the moment we stepped into the courtroom.

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          • #6
            Isn’t there anything I can do regarding unjust enrichment? I mean, it was VERY evident she tried to delay 50/50 for as long as she could, over a large number of phases, with a lame excuse that she thinks it’s better for the kids. It is REALLY not fair how much I lost financially and how much she gained financially. We signed Minutes of Settlement but haven’t updated our financial statements. Since the last financial statement, she has been banking all the CS into RRSPs.

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            • #7
              I've been at it since 2013. Nothing in family court makes sense and the honest, stable, hard working parent is the one that gets screwed over btpy the system. Zero accountability! I've easily lost by now 150,000 in my song and dance. I don't have any positive advice for you but just wanted to let you know you are in good company.

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              • #8
                reading this thread and I'm curious.... how do you know for sure what your ex is doing with the CS?

                If she is banking everything then that would mean that she is using HER money to pay household and child expenses. If she takes money that you pay and buys RESPs (thus gaining tax relief and resources for kid's secondary education) then she is pretty smart. Also, if she knows that if she sends kids to your place in crappy old clothes KNOWING that you will spring for new ones, sounds money-wise to me.

                I don't believe your ex is getting "rich" - raising kids is expensive.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
                  Isn’t there anything I can do regarding unjust enrichment? I mean, it was VERY evident she tried to delay 50/50 for as long as she could, over a large number of phases, with a lame excuse that she thinks it’s better for the kids. It is REALLY not fair how much I lost financially and how much she gained financially. We signed Minutes of Settlement but haven’t updated our financial statements. Since the last financial statement, she has been banking all the CS into RRSPs.


                  You don’t know that. She could be saving her money that she would have spent on food/housing for the kids because you are paying that. It’s no different than my husband’s ex saying that he doesn’t have housing or food costs because of my income so he should pay more cs.

                  Stop focusing on this. Its not worth the energy!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thanks for all the support, it is very appreciated!

                    With regards to pocketing all the CS, she actually told me that she opened an RRSP account and my CS is going in there. Yes, she is using HER money for food and rent. As I am using my money for same. BUT, it should have been 50/50 in 6 months from now if we went with OCL recommendations, but she planted her feet and said cried ‘no’ to 50/50 until 2 years from now, knowing it would cost me thousands in legal fees to continue with court proceedings (doing the dance of atleast 1 more SC, a trial schedule conference, and trial management conference), so I had to stop the bleeding.

                    Why does she get a monthly lottery win when the issue is that the system allows someone to jockey for maximum profit? Knowing that I had to stop the bleeding of legal fees and endless settlement conferences, and agreed to a deal that gives her CS for 1.5 years more than she should receive? If I would’ve stuck to my guns, the battle would’ve bankrupt me...it’s simply not right for someone to shamelessly mooch off of their ex. We were married for VERY short period (almost comically) and she fled immediately after getting pregnant and was hoping to keep child for herself while winning monthly lottery for 20 years...it’s troubling how there are people like that out there.

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                    • #11
                      Did you ever stop to think that she tells you this because she knows it gets to you? It is obvious she plays games with you.

                      Plus she has costs to have the kids full time which you pay for.

                      GET OVER IT!

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by arabian View Post
                        reading this thread and I'm curious.... how do you know for sure what your ex is doing with the CS?

                        If she is banking everything then that would mean that she is using HER money to pay household and child expenses. If she takes money that you pay and buys RESPs (thus gaining tax relief and resources for kid's secondary education) then she is pretty smart. Also, if she knows that if she sends kids to your place in crappy old clothes KNOWING that you will spring for new ones, sounds money-wise to me.

                        I don't believe your ex is getting "rich" - raising kids is expensive.
                        This ^^^^!

                        Its a numbers game. The transfers are electronic. They get mixed into a big pool on her side. Do you want the magnetic dots that you sent her representing the kids money to be sorted differently in the magenetic dots representing her money? Proof of bytes?

                        The one thing to consider is that in most cases CS is not forever. There are no able-bodied 25-year-olds getting CS. CS is time-limited. Unless your child has a disability and then CS is for life.

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                        • #13
                          Appreciate the feedback.

                          I think the point is being missed. 50/50 should’ve occurred in near future, so it would be fair game. I have my salary, you have yours, and we do week on/week off, have a nice life.

                          Instead, the system allows her to play it, and be stubborn by playing the court game, get slammed by judges but who cares because it’s only a SC (we had 4 which each cost me $5k), delaying 50/50 as long as possible to optimize the duration of CS payments, knowing full well it would cost me far more at a trial in 2 years. And even if costs are awarded, it’s a fraction of what is paid in legal fees, so it goes to lawyer anyway.

                          Either way I would have gotten 50/50....either through trial but the court is clogged so it wouldn’t be until 2 years from now, or via settlement which sees her delaying 50/50 for 2 years. Either way she gets CS for 2 years because she played the game to her advantage. Play hardball and fight for 50/50 now? Won’t get a trial for 2 years. Arrive at settlement to avoid trial? She holds all the cards because she knows the timeline and costs involved of pursuing a trial.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
                            I think the point is being missed.
                            Point is being missed but, not by those responding but, by you.

                            Originally posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
                            50/50 should’ve occurred in near future, so it would be fair game. I have my salary, you have yours, and we do week on/week off, have a nice life.
                            Should have, could have, ... You have an agreement. You have to pay CS based on the agreement made on consent. You don't like how the CS game works write a letter to your MP. You have to pay.

                            Originally posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
                            Instead, the system allows her to play it, and be stubborn by playing the court game, get slammed by judges but who cares because it’s only a SC (we had 4 which each cost me $5k), delaying 50/50 as long as possible to optimize the duration of CS payments, knowing full well it would cost me far more at a trial in 2 years.
                            At any time you could have brought a motion to resolve these issues. You didn't. You went into the endless loop of Settlement Conferences. Nothing stopped you from bringing a motion to resolve all or some of these issues.

                            Originally posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
                            And even if costs are awarded, it’s a fraction of what is paid in legal fees, so it goes to lawyer anyway.
                            On top of that costs, awards at SC are even rarer! Yet, you went to 4 of them! At your first one, your lawyer should have advised you that SC's are a waste that you are not close to the issues and recommended bringing a motion.

                            Originally posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
                            Either way I would have gotten 50/50....either through trial but the court is clogged so it wouldn’t be until 2 years from now, or via settlement which sees her delaying 50/50 for 2 years.
                            You became pound wise. Good for you. Most people do not and the 2 years actually turns into 5 and 150,000 in legal fees that, as you pointed out, never get ordered!

                            Originally posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
                            Either way she gets CS for 2 years because she played the game to her advantage. Play hardball and fight for 50/50 now? Won’t get a trial for 2 years.
                            Actually, if you had a good lawyer and you brought a motion properly you could have moved to a long motion hearing and then a trial faster. But, see this is the things that good lawyers know how to do. They can progress cases to trial faster. Difference between a barrister and a solicitor. More than likely you had a "solicitor" and not a "barrister". Barristers litigate... Solicitors "solicit" for solutions.

                            Originally posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
                            Arrive at settlement to avoid trial? She holds all the cards because she knows the timeline and costs involved of pursuing a trial.
                            You knew the costs too! You admitted to it above! 2 years of CS isn't awful. There are parents here paying 20 years of CS. Don't be focused on CS. It will grind your life to a halt if you go down the spiral.

                            CS doesn't bankrupt parents. Living beyond their means does.

                            Comment

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