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  • Results of my OCL Disclosure Meeting

    Well everyone, I had the OCL disclosure meeting today.

    I basically got what I wanted but I just have to wait 3 months for it.

    As many of you know I am seeking unsupervised, extended and holiday access with my daughter. Access was supervised in the first place because of a drug problem I had. I have now been clean and sober for almost 20 months. My daughter has never been alone with me, never been to my home and never been with me under the supervision of someone other than my ex, her mother, or recently, the staff at a Supervised Access Center. She is 7 yrs old.

    Today the OCL recommended that my access remain supervised for a period of three months. The file will remain open for this period. The immediate change is that the access will now take place in MY HOME (Yayyy!) supervised by my parents who are retired and live about a 10 minute drive away. After 3 months, the same OCL guy will re-assess the situation and if everything goes as it has been going, unsupervised, EOW and split of holidays will follow.

    The OCL praised my being clean and sober for more than a year and a half. However, given how powerfully addictive crystal meth (the drug I used) is, he would feel more confortable if we see how the 3 months goes first.

    He also gave me independent direct access to my daughter's school and medical information and that I be allowed to attend parent-eacher meetings.

    My ex was pissed as hell. I mean she was almost crying she was so upset - and for what? because I get a typical access regime of EOW and split holidays??? C'mon lady, do you hate me that much? Get over yourself. My God.

    Anyways, we'll be sending her an Offer that reproduces the OCL recommendations. I do not believe she'll accept. I don't know what happens in the event she doesn't want to follow the recommendations.

    All in all, I feel good. I have been through alot to get clean and sober and I have worked hard to build a new life as a responsible adult. I think the 3 month waiting period is just fine with me. I can appreciate the investigator's concerns given my drug history and if he thinks that 3 more months is what it takes for him to be comfortable, then I accept that proudly.

    At least my daughter will finally get to be with me in my own home which something I've wanted her see for years. And I'll have supervisors (my parents) that won't be so biased against me.

    BTW, the Access Center observation reports helped me a great deal. The OCL read all of them since February and he said not a single report disclosed anything other than a loving, affectionate and attentive relationship with me and my little girl.

    I know there's a ways to go yet, but I'm happy about this OCL investigation.

    Thanks everyone!

  • #2
    Congrats on staying sober, really, that is great!! things can only get better for you and your daughter

    Comment


    • #3
      This is great news!! Have been following your posts and am happy for you and your daughter, and the OCL assessment outcome Good luck with the offer!!

      Comment


      • #4
        very good for you.

        I know you may not want to hear this but maybe your ex was so upset because of your addiction and fears you may go back to the meth?? Put yourself in her shoes, would you be so happy if she was a meth-head?? Give her a chance to get use to the idea. I dont know your whole story so this is just based on this post.

        Comment


        • #5
          Congrats on getting yourself clean and sober, I imagine that was not easy to do, well done!

          As for the OCL outcome, good for you, kids need both their parents in their life!

          Angie

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Access Dad View Post
            Well everyone, I had the OCL disclosure meeting today.

            I basically got what I wanted but I just have to wait 3 months for it.

            As many of you know I am seeking unsupervised, extended and holiday access with my daughter. Access was supervised in the first place because of a drug problem I had. I have now been clean and sober for almost 20 months. My daughter has never been alone with me, never been to my home and never been with me under the supervision of someone other than my ex, her mother, or recently, the staff at a Supervised Access Center. She is 7 yrs old.

            Today the OCL recommended that my access remain supervised for a period of three months. The file will remain open for this period. The immediate change is that the access will now take place in MY HOME (Yayyy!) supervised by my parents who are retired and live about a 10 minute drive away. After 3 months, the same OCL guy will re-assess the situation and if everything goes as it has been going, unsupervised, EOW and split of holidays will follow.

            The OCL praised my being clean and sober for more than a year and a half. However, given how powerfully addictive crystal meth (the drug I used) is, he would feel more confortable if we see how the 3 months goes first.

            He also gave me independent direct access to my daughter's school and medical information and that I be allowed to attend parent-eacher meetings.
            Congrats. Well deserved outcome considering the efforts.

            My ex was pissed as hell. I mean she was almost crying she was so upset - and for what? because I get a typical access regime of EOW and split holidays??? C'mon lady, do you hate me that much? Get over yourself. My God.

            Anyways, we'll be sending her an Offer that reproduces the OCL recommendations. I do not believe she'll accept. I don't know what happens in the event she doesn't want to follow the recommendations.
            do not forget to add cost clause to allow them to accept offer without cost consequences. Keep in mind that it recommendations and they still can go to trial.

            All in all, I feel good. I have been through alot to get clean and sober and I have worked hard to build a new life as a responsible adult. I think the 3 month waiting period is just fine with me. I can appreciate the investigator's concerns given my drug history and if he thinks that 3 more months is what it takes for him to be comfortable, then I accept that proudly.

            At least my daughter will finally get to be with me in my own home which something I've wanted her see for years. And I'll have supervisors (my parents) that won't be so biased against me.

            BTW, the Access Center observation reports helped me a great deal. The OCL read all of them since February and he said not a single report disclosed anything other than a loving, affectionate and attentive relationship with me and my little girl.

            I know there's a ways to go yet, but I'm happy about this OCL investigation.

            Thanks everyone!
            Yes there is and thouse 3 month will be even more important that all year before. Other party will try to use anything what they can against you so make sure you stay out of any possibilities for them to screw up. Also keep in mind that voice recording devises are come in very small sizes those days if you know what I meant...

            Make sure other party provide clear position regarding OCL. And if they do not agree request report from OCL. Do not wait while they will do it. And yes if offer not accepted withing 2 weeks period - bring motion for temporary access according to OCL pending trial.

            Good luck.

            Comment


            • #7
              Bravo & congratulations!!

              Best wishes!!

              Comment


              • #8
                Congrats!!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                  very good for you.

                  I know you may not want to hear this but maybe your ex was so upset because of your addiction and fears you may go back to the meth?? Put yourself in her shoes, would you be so happy if she was a meth-head?? Give her a chance to get use to the idea. I dont know your whole story so this is just based on this post.

                  Could be but often times I think it is more about power and control. She probably feels hurt because in her mind she lost. Really she should be happy her daughters father is well enough to be a positive role in her life.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    You are a wonderful father for trying and doing your best. I am happy for you. I hope for your ex's sake, she at least agrees and doesn't get costs awarded against her. Enough is enough right?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      My hat is off, dude. Keep it up.

                      Cheers!

                      Gary

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                        very good for you.

                        I know you may not want to hear this but maybe your ex was so upset because of your addiction and fears you may go back to the meth?? Put yourself in her shoes, would you be so happy if she was a meth-head??
                        I'm sorry but you're wrong. My ex was upset because she perceives herself to have "lost." She perceives herself to have lost because she simply doesn't want me to have any type of interaction with my own child that is not in her total control. She has some fear that my rehabilitation will somehow kick-start a process that will see me try to always get more and more and finally try to take my daughter away from her. She's got that "never let him get his foot in the door" mentality. As long as I continued to have a drug problem she was just fine and let me see my daughter whenever I pleased. She always gave me encouraging words to try and get clean, and when I finally did, she reduced my visits to a rigid schedule of bi-weekly visits (when I was used to seeing her twice a week), she wouldn't even tell me the name of her school; she all of a sudden changed the visits to an Access Center and began treating me differently.

                        For one, I am no longer a "meth-head";

                        Two: if the shoe was on the other foot and my ex had 20 months clean and sober, completed treatment, attended aftercare faithfully till this day, provided me with hair tests that show over 13 months of completely negative results for any drugs or alcohol, gained steady employment, paid child support faithfully, completed anger management and a parenting class on her own intiative and at her own expense, had her treatment facility call me personally and tell me what a remarkable turn around she has made, and that they considered her to be one of the very few 300 or so clients about whom they have no concerns, and showed me Access Center notes from February - present that show nothing other than a healthy, happy and loving parent who has never shown any signs of being under the influence, then yes, I would HAPPILY agree to my daughter having unsupervised access to her mother. I would be HAPPY FOR and PROUD OF my ex for the incredible dedication and love she has demonstrated she has for our daughter.

                        It would have been my duty, my pleasure and my honour to help my child in way I can to finally have a normal and healthy relationship with her mother.

                        I also would have realized that the only way out of addiction is to behave your way out of addiction, and I would've recognized that someone who has worked this hard to change his life and overcome this much all to be with his daughter in a normal, healthy and meaningful way is someone I can definitely trust to take good care of her.

                        But that's just me.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by WorkingDAD View Post
                          Congrats. Well deserved outcome considering the efforts.



                          do not forget to add cost clause to allow them to accept offer without cost consequences. Keep in mind that it recommendations and they still can go to trial.



                          Yes there is and thouse 3 month will be even more important that all year before. Other party will try to use anything what they can against you so make sure you stay out of any possibilities for them to screw up. Also keep in mind that voice recording devises are come in very small sizes those days if you know what I meant...

                          Make sure other party provide clear position regarding OCL. And if they do not agree request report from OCL. Do not wait while they will do it. And yes if offer not accepted withing 2 weeks period - bring motion for temporary access according to OCL pending trial.

                          Good luck.
                          Thanks WD. Duly noted.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Gary M View Post
                            My hat is off, dude. Keep it up.

                            Cheers!

                            Gary
                            Thank you Gary. Means alot

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Tinkbug View Post
                              You are a wonderful father for trying and doing your best. I am happy for you. I hope for your ex's sake, she at least agrees and doesn't get costs awarded against her. Enough is enough right?
                              Thank you so much and yes enough is enough

                              Comment

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