In April 2011—over sixteen months ago—I packed my car and drove from Alberta to Ontario with our 2 small kids to be with my family for support. My abusive, narcissistic STBX knew about this. I was in a desperate situation as he started drinking heavily, had been violent in the past where police were involved, and was increasing in aggressiveness towards me and the kids. I was becoming scared for our safety, and needed a break to think about our relationship.
When I got here, and after thinking long and hard, I wrote him a heartfelt letter how I wanted our family together (don't feel this way now!), but I couldn't consider living in the same house with him until he received professional help for his drinking and anger. HIS response was that he wanted a divorce... that was 16 1/2 months ago.
After being here a few months, I told him I wanted to stay in Ontario permanently with the kids. I even talked about my idea to register our daughter into French Immersion and he supported it. Over the months he mailed several items of the kids that I couldn't fit in the car. There was no custody order in place.
It wasn't until October 15th—exactly six months after living here—when I started asking for child support that he said once the house sells he wants "joint" custody. (Which is pretty much impossible due to the distance, and a concern for me anyway due to his drinking) He didn't even put the house on the market until February 2012 (ten months after separation), which sold three months later. In February, I also went to Alberta to move all our things, including our kids possessions. He still plans to send items I missed.
Now he has filed for divorce through the court (which was kind of a shock since we agreed to start a negotiation process) and he wants "joint" custody, which I find odd as he has shown little interest in the kids and has made little effort to see them. For example, he was supposed to see them at Christmas, but decided to work instead.
I feel like he's messing with me (behaviour not uncommon for him). My brother-in-law thinks it could be a bargaining chip.
Just in case he's serious, what are the chances are he'd be granted joint custody and we have to move back? The kids (now aged 4 and 6) are long established here and have a good—safe—home!
When I got here, and after thinking long and hard, I wrote him a heartfelt letter how I wanted our family together (don't feel this way now!), but I couldn't consider living in the same house with him until he received professional help for his drinking and anger. HIS response was that he wanted a divorce... that was 16 1/2 months ago.
After being here a few months, I told him I wanted to stay in Ontario permanently with the kids. I even talked about my idea to register our daughter into French Immersion and he supported it. Over the months he mailed several items of the kids that I couldn't fit in the car. There was no custody order in place.
It wasn't until October 15th—exactly six months after living here—when I started asking for child support that he said once the house sells he wants "joint" custody. (Which is pretty much impossible due to the distance, and a concern for me anyway due to his drinking) He didn't even put the house on the market until February 2012 (ten months after separation), which sold three months later. In February, I also went to Alberta to move all our things, including our kids possessions. He still plans to send items I missed.
Now he has filed for divorce through the court (which was kind of a shock since we agreed to start a negotiation process) and he wants "joint" custody, which I find odd as he has shown little interest in the kids and has made little effort to see them. For example, he was supposed to see them at Christmas, but decided to work instead.
I feel like he's messing with me (behaviour not uncommon for him). My brother-in-law thinks it could be a bargaining chip.
Just in case he's serious, what are the chances are he'd be granted joint custody and we have to move back? The kids (now aged 4 and 6) are long established here and have a good—safe—home!
Comment