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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11  
Old 08-24-2019, 03:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
... once the child is in your position. She'll go fucking bananas.
There is no need for that; she is already "bananas".

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Actually, make her start sharing the drives while you're at it. Child will be available for your pickup at my house at these times.
The court order determines who delivers the children to whom. If it didn't, it would be ambiguous and unenforceable by means of a contempt motion.
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  #12  
Old 08-24-2019, 06:26 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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I'm not sure what it is you are trying to do or get accomplished here then.

It's good that you want to be mature and take high road though I'll give you that! I don't tend to play nice when my parenting times get screwed around with and for good reason! Ex doesn't screw around anymore... She knows I don't just lay there and allow her to walk all over me. The cause and effect experience has been well embrained in her thought process for her to make better choices in the future.

If she tries to find you in contempt for not "delivering" the child then you fire back and find her in contempt for withholding access.

Last edited by tunnelight; 08-24-2019 at 06:33 PM.
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  #13  
Old 08-24-2019, 07:34 PM
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Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
I'm not sure what it is you are trying to do or get accomplished here then.
2 objectives:

1) Putting out a call to people to explain to me what the point of a parenting coordinator is. I liken it to a while ago when the US gov't put out a call for clinical evidence of the benefits of flossing. No evidence was found in favor of flossing or PC's. I'll keep flossing though because floss is $3/pack whereas PC's are like $300/hr and the floss does have some iffy evidence behind it.

2) Thinking about this PT denial so that more serious future PT denials can be prevented or dealt with. Since the courts have worked for me so far, I don't think a tug-of-war with the kids is the right way to go.

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I don't tend to play nice when my parenting times get screwed around with and for good reason! Ex doesn't screw around anymore... She knows I don't just lay there and allow her to walk all over me.
Standing up for yourself is fundamentally the right thing to do and the right example to demonstrate for your child (girl or boy). A huge chunk of issues faced by separating fathers are caused by either failing to stand up for themselves, or the highly related problem of entering bad agreements.
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  #14  
Old 08-25-2019, 03:22 PM
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Originally Posted by CoolGuy41 View Post
2 objectives:



1) Putting out a call to people to explain to me what the point of a parenting coordinator is. I liken it to a while ago when the US gov't put out a call for clinical evidence of the benefits of flossing. No evidence was found in favor of flossing or PC's. I'll keep flossing though because floss is $3/pack whereas PC's are like $300/hr and the floss does have some iffy evidence behind it.



2) Thinking about this PT denial so that more serious future PT denials can be prevented or dealt with. Since the courts have worked for me so far, I don't think a tug-of-war with the kids is the right way to go.





It really depends on your ex, whether it will be effective. Is she the type that will listen to an outside party? Also- part of the whole PC thing is about being strategic. It makes you look reasonable.
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  #15  
Old 08-26-2019, 11:02 AM
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Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
Also- part of the whole PC thing is about being strategic. It makes you look reasonable.
...assuming you are actually reasonable
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  #16  
Old 08-26-2019, 02:42 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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...assuming you are actually reasonable
Parents who view or approach any form of counselling, mediation, parenting coordination as a weapon in their court disputes are not reasonable.

It's like going to a doctor crying stress to get a "stress leave" off work and then flying out to Spain for a week when you're out of vacation days.

You have to approach these services with genuine and clear intentions to resolve the issues. Otherwise, you're just gaming the system and wasting everyone's time.

Last edited by tunnelight; 08-26-2019 at 02:46 PM.
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  #17  
Old 08-26-2019, 03:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Janus View Post
...assuming you are actually reasonable
If you're not...somehow- it always comes out in the wash.

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Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
Parents who view or approach any form of counselling, mediation, parenting coordination as a weapon in their court disputes are not reasonable.

It's like going to a doctor crying stress to get a "stress leave" off work and then flying out to Spain for a week when you're out of vacation days.

You have to approach these services with genuine and clear intentions to resolve the issues. Otherwise, you're just gaming the system and wasting everyone's time.
It can be both.

You can approach it with a genuine purpose of trying to find some common ground and come to a resolution. I did. I listened to what our PC had to say. Like CoolGuy said- I was going to consent to certain things anyway. But it helps when there is a neutral third party who genuinely just cares about the kid(s)- and can steer you in the right direction for the sake of the sake of the kid(s). Also our PC had a social work background with child protection. If she said we should proceed in a certain manner- it meant something coming from her. So I listened.

You can also use it strategically. It was strategy on my part to see if someone else could talk some sense into my ex so we could save the financial devastation that is a custody trial. It was also strategic because I realized after our first session that he can't hide his over the top temper tantrums, and bullying abusive behaviour. He can for a while- but it always creeps back out. Those are sophisticated high conflict people. They can try for a bit- but somehow- something always sets them off. Mostly cause they're not as smart as they think they are.

Like I said- it's strategy. Doesn't mean I didn't go into it with genuine efforts of trying to find common ground for the sake of my kid. And it worked for the most part. We're not spending a 100k each on trial, and we have a plan moving forward and have a strategy when we hit the next milestone to reassess.

Last edited by iona6656; 08-26-2019 at 03:56 PM.
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  #18  
Old 08-27-2019, 01:20 AM
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Originally Posted by CoolGuy41 View Post
...

In my case the amount of parenting time withheld was small (< 24 hours). ...

Can't comment on a parenting coordinator. Seems like it may not be useful with your situation.


"Contempt" is a waste of time given it's only been the one instance that you mention, which is probably why your lawyer steered you away from that?


If you are being denied your parenting time, on an on-going basis, you need to *document* it, and document your requests for make-up time, to show you don't agree with the other parent denying your time. (emails are good).


Then, if it keeps happening, and the other parent is not following the agreement, that's when you can seek some remedy from court if needed, with your documented instances.


One time disagreement over time, of less than 24 hours. Document it, but move on. When it keeps happening, with no reasonable compromise from the other parent, that's when you can look at getting it remedied via court or whatnot.


Document it. And keep said documentation of discussions civil from your end - business-like.
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