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  • Staying in the Home

    A friend asks:
    Married 23 years. I became stay at home Mom and did several part-time jobs to contribute financially. He was 62 and I am 60 at the time of separation 3.5 years ago. My husband took care of finances and sadly unbeknown to me liquidated any equity in our home. I had no idea he had other bank accounts and credit cards. I love my home as it is originally my parent's home and I want to keep it. I work part-time. I tried to qualify for the mortgage with a cosigner but cosigner had too many income properties and we moved onto a mortgage broker. I almost qualified for a mortgage when final inspection from lender exposed moisture problem under the house impacting foundation and beams. At that point, everything came to halt as I was told I can't sell the house until the problem is fixed. I got a professional crawl space investigation and quote and it was close to $40K. Which I do not have funds for. My husband's lawyer is now threatening to get a court order to force me to sell my home if I can not prove that I can qualify for the mortgage on my own. As there is no equity in the house and I'm forced to sell we would have no home but still have a mortgage. We have been separated 3.5 years and I've also had to reshingle the roof and spent $7K. Also, certain things needed to be fixed for the mortgage broker another $3K.
    Question... Is my husband responsible for any or all of these costs? All the repairs needed existing many years before the husband moved out.
    Note: I have looked at renting unsuccessfully and my mortgage payment is less than rent. I have not found anything I like and my joy is living here. How can I keep my home? I knew nothing about divorce or what my rights were or what I am entitled too.
    Help please, any information would be greatly appreciated.

  • #2
    Question: Is ex who lives outside the matrimonial home responsible for major repairs needed in order to sell the home?

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by moremiles View Post
      Question: Is ex who lives outside the matrimonial home responsible for major repairs needed in order to sell the home?
      I am thinking the ex who doesnt live there can counter that the person living there allowed it to fall into a state of disrepair.

      Comment


      • #4
        I have a few questions.

        How did your husband deplete equity in the home without your signature/knowledge? You indicate it was a home previously owned by family member. Was it transferred to your husband's name only? If so, why?

        How do you know there is no equity in the home? If that is the case why would your husband's lawyer want to sell the home? This tells me that the home is in both of your names. Correct?

        End of marriage typically means that both parties have to reduce their standard of living. Exception to this is if you have mega bucks. You indicate that you only work part time and are in your mid-60's? Your husband is now over 65. Is he still employed?

        You need to hire a lawyer. You need to do what is called "equalization" and exchange financials.

        I wouldn't waste any more time on getting estimates for home repair unless you know that you can afford to pay for it.

        Living beyond one's means is what it sounds like you are doing now. You need to scale down your aspirations and face reality. Your lawyer will help you do that. Sadly, any equity in the home (if there is any) will end up going to lawyers. If your husband is currently still employed you may be able to establish entitlement to Spousal Support.

        Comment


        • #5
          Would it be possible for my ex's name to remain on the mortgage but be removed from the deed using a quit claim? My main focus is on remaining in my home since I have managed to carry it for 3.5 years on my own, it is cheaper than rent and I'm trying to figure out a way to do that. Any advice would be appreciated.

          Comment


          • #6
            You may have made the payments on the mortgage for the past 3 years but you can't afford the upkeep. What about the property taxes and utilities - are you current on those?

            You are trying to skip steps. Assuming the home is in both of your names, the equity in the home would be divided. Sometimes you can negotiate to waive ex's spousal support liability in exchange for home equity. You and your husband both need to have independent legal advice. Even if your ex agreed to do this, there is no guarantee the bank/mortgage company would go along with this. Your age and income would come into play. You also will need a bank appraisal on the property.

            You said in your first post that your husband liquidated any equity in home. If that is indeed true then you have to face the fact that you cannot afford this home anymore.

            Comment


            • #7
              Property taxes are included in mortgage and I have been paying those as well as utilities for 3.5 years. I am receiving $1000. in support from ex and work part-time at several jobs to make up the rest. I put a new roof on the house right after ex left with my RRSP funds and am willing to forego foundation repairs in order to stay here until I am ready to move on. My problem is that I don't qualify for a mortgage but am looking for an alternative to a co-signer. I read a post on here last year where a judge ordered ex to keep name on mortgage so spouse could continue to pay mortgage and live in matrimonial home but his name was removed from the deed. I'm wondering if this is a likely outcome when we go to court or if even a possibility?

              Comment


              • #8
                The short answer is no. You live there and he pays you spousal support to cover your expenses. You choose to live in a location that has more expenses than your income. A judge is more likely to order the house sold rather than having an ex sign the mortgage. If you can’t find someone to cover it, you will be ordered to sell it.

                You also say that he depleted all your assets and there is no equity. Have you done an equalization that shows this? Have you had the house appraised? If he is pushing to sell it there is either equity you refuse to accept or he wants to reduce spousal support.

                Its a house. Why are you so tied to it when it is only causing turmoil? Yes you put money into it but that should mean there IS equity you could get. Do you have a value before the work you put in?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by arabian View Post
                  I have a few questions.

                  How did your husband deplete equity in the home without your signature/knowledge? You indicate it was a home previously owned by family member. Was it transferred to your husband's name only? If so, why?

                  How do you know there is no equity in the home? If that is the case why would your husband's lawyer want to sell the home? This tells me that the home is in both of your names. Correct?

                  End of marriage typically means that both parties have to reduce their standard of living. Exception to this is if you have mega bucks. You indicate that you only work part time and are in your mid-60's? Your husband is now over 65. Is he still employed?

                  You need to hire a lawyer. You need to do what is called "equalization" and exchange financials.

                  I wouldn't waste any more time on getting estimates for home repair unless you know that you can afford to pay for it.

                  Living beyond one's means is what it sounds like you are doing now. You need to scale down your aspirations and face reality. Your lawyer will help you do that. Sadly, any equity in the home (if there is any) will end up going to lawyers. If your husband is currently still employed you may be able to establish entitlement to Spousal Support.
                  Yes I did sign for refinancing mortgage. My husband had only computer in home and I trusted that he was taking care of things. I did try and use the computer but everytime I did the computer would lock up and after several attempts I finally just let him take care of the banking as I was busy taking care of the family including his father and wife. I am now more computer savy but only have a cell phone to work with. I found out he had other credit cards and bank accounts after he left. When I tried qualifying for mortgage I had home appraisals done. It came in 20k more than what we owed on it. So because of the repairs needed I believe there will be no equity in the home. Yes both our names on mortgage.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    The reason I am so tied to my home is it's unique special location. I live next to a beautiful lake. I utilize for kayaking, swimming and enjoy outstanding beauty of sunsets etc. My back yard is up against a beautiful forest with trails for snowshoeing and xcountry skiing. The quality of life here is outstanding.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Yet you can’t afford it or get someone to cosign it. You are living outside your means and expecting your ex to pay for it. Wise up, you can either sell it and move on or hold on and pay his legal bills when he wins.

                      You’re being unrealistic.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        The reshingling of roof evident of dire repair long before ex left, i have pictures... People would say when are you going to fix your roof? my ex tried to convince me it was fine. Same for crawl space, but crawl space hard to access 3ft high under house I never went under as it is dark and hard to manoeuvre. Since ex left I have braved the journey under was able to see for myself and take pictures. Also have inspection report with estimate which my ex bulked at and is in denial of the reality cost.
                        My ex now lives in his dad's home for free (his dad now lives with his girlfriend and his home was unoccupied) my ex will inherit his Dad's home which is mortgage free plus a huge inheritance. My ex is still working but will probably retire as soon as his inheritance happens or at age 65 what ever comes first. His dad is 90 years old. So here's another question. If my ex claims he has no assets to pay support and he receives his inheritance could that be considered an asset and could ex at least give support payments then.
                        Ex says he only plans on giving me support til 2023. When I turn 65. Support payments came 1.5 year after ex left when his lawyer strongly suggested to him to start support immediately and they decided what amount I should receive. I have not signed anything, but been accepting support payments as they deem and I've been accepting as I needed it to survive. Before support payments made we remained our status quo staying in our mutual bank accounts. Again once he retained a lawyer coached him to get his own bank accounts. Which I have also. However his support payment is paid into our still exsisting joint bank account that the mortgage payment comes out of. The mortgage payment is only $900.00 including taxes. (I cant rent a place for $900.00) His support pays the mortgage. I make enough to pay all the remaining house bills, but not much left over. I'm willing to forgo foundation repair for now as it is impacting mostly one corner of the foundation and I simply just dont use that room. I dont anticipate further damage as I've had a second sump pump put in and crawl space hopefully wont flood anymore during the spring thaw. This spring will tell. It all gets complicated, I hope this information is helpful giving more insight to my situation. There is not many options to relocate in my community. And many of the options available more expensive than what I'm paying now. Thank you in advance for listening and your time in coaching uneducated person see and understand my options.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          You may want to get a lawyer to give you advice. Your ex can say a lot of stuff to get you to do what he wants, it doesnt mean its legal. Based on your age and length of marriage you are more than likely entitled to ongoing long term spousal support. Even if he stops working he will still be obligated to pay.

                          Again, you may need to look at other options. A house like you have described is unsustainable both in a repair approach and in your aging. Remember you will not be as mobile as you are now or able to work as you are now. Your house will still require repair and maintenance and what happens when you are on old age security?

                          You need to start approaching this realistically. There probably are other options in your community as many communities across Canada are introducing affordable housing especially for seniors. If not, you need to give serious thought to moving into a community that is affordable and geared to seniors. how you would manage in your 70s and 80s?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Thank you for response. I have been looking at living else where especially with the senior community. Waiting list are very long and I've added my name to. Iam grateful for excellent health and have been able to do all the yard work and snow shovelling etc. Not sure if you read reason I hang on. I live in very unique location.
                            People who win lotteries want to live here.
                            Beautiful lake on one side...my passion Kayaking, swimming and unbelievable sunsets year round. A forest out my back door providing miles of trails for hiking, snowshoeing and X country skiing. Plus this was my parents home I spent a big part of my life here and returned because I wanted my family to enjoy this quality of life.
                            If only I hadn't trust my husband to take care of the finances I dont think I'd be in this position. I know lots of seniors who live on our road well into their 80's. I know I can manage for along time yet. If you saw where I live you'd understand why I want to stay as long as possible.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by moremiles View Post
                              I have been looking at living else where especially with the senior community. Waiting list are very long and I've added my name to.
                              I’m not saying senior homes or retirement communities, I’m saying affordable housing like townhomes, condos and apartments. I live in a higher priced community that has now approved a number of “adult focused, affordable” housing developments. They are aimed at seniors looking to downsize. I am sure there are options you just don’t want to consider anything but what you have now.

                              I live in very unique location.
                              People who win lotteries want to live here. Beautiful lake on one side...my passion Kayaking, swimming and unbelievable sunsets year round. A forest out my back door providing miles of trails for hiking, snowshoeing and X country skiing.
                              Are you a lottery winner? Its great you have all that but you can’t afford it nor is it sustainable. Everyone would love to live in cottage country with all these amenities around them but the reality is not many can. You are getting divorced. Your household income has been split and you can barely make ends meet with several part time jobs. There are plenty of communities that offer amenities to people who live in affordable accommodations. Time to wake up.

                              Plus this was my parents home I spent a big part of my life here and returned because I wanted my family to enjoy this quality of life.
                              Life changes, your parents lived in a different time, costs have increased and home values have skyrocketed. Nostalgia does nothing for you. Memories don’t pay the bills.

                              I know lots of seniors who live on our road well into their 80's. I know I can manage for along time yet. If you saw where I live you'd understand why I want to stay as long as possible.

                              Good for them. Do they have great retirement income? A reverse mortgage? A paid off house? Shared income?

                              As awful as what Im saying sounds you need a reality check. I would love to live in a bigger home on a lake with lots of amenities. I can’t afford it. I would also love to travel more, have a fancy car and wear expensive clothes. I can’t afford it. I live within my means. When my parents split my mother insisted on living in a house we couldn’t afford and it almost destroyed us emotionally and her financially. It’s a house. It isn’t crucial for your survival. You won’t die if you move. You can still use trails, lakes and forests from another home. You are being really ridiculous. What if you fell and injured yourself so severely you couldn’t take care of the house or work for six months? What if he died and you no longer got support? What if the lake flooded and destroyed your house? Give your head a shake. Your ex can pay you spousal if you are in a different city. You can afford a home that isn’t in mansion cottage land. You should be thinking long term survival financially.

                              Comment

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