High-Conflict Divorce: Who Gets Ahead?

[Pursuinghappiness]

Did you undergo or are you undergoing a divorce with a high-conflict ex?

How did it work out for the high-conflict person with regard to custody/financial issues?

1. Did it work out better than expected for the high-conflict ex-spouse?
2. Did it work out worse than expected for the high-conflict ex-spouse?
3. Did it work out about the same as expected?

(lol...Please don't answer the poll if YOU are the high-conflict ex because your response isn't reliable data)

[Learner]

No-one thinks they are the high conflict ex - it's always the other side

[Ace]

THE HIGH CONFLICT SPOUSE MADE OUT LIKE A BANDIT EXCEEDING HER EXPECTATIONS AS SHE GOT EVERYTHING. i LIKE TO SAY SHE KNOWS WHAT IS HALF BECAUSE SHE GOT HER HALF AND THEN MY HALF.
i NO LONGER WORRY ABOUT HOUSING PRICES OR THE STOCK MARKET. tHATS HER PROBLEM NOW.

[topooner]

THE HIGH CONFLICT SPOUSE MADE OUT LIKE A BANDIT EXCEEDING HER EXPECTATIONS AS SHE GOT EVERYTHING. i LIKE TO SAY SHE KNOWS WHAT IS HALF BECAUSE SHE GOT HER HALF AND THEN MY HALF.
i NO LONGER WORRY ABOUT HOUSING PRICES OR THE STOCK MARKET. tHATS HER PROBLEM NOW.

What a Beta male. You loser.

[Nadia]

In our case it worked out worse for the high-conflict ex. Over $25,000 in costs.
But it might still be too "early" to say, given that he continues to engage in high conflict.

High conflict people often do not recognise the error of their ways, and will keep doing the same stuff hoping for a different outcome.

In addition, the HCP never assumes any responsibility.

As my ex would state..."I wouldn't have to go to such lengths your honour...if only she did what I told her to do in the first place" Or "she made me contact the police" Or she has given me no choice but to "argue with the school and royally piss off the staff." She made me "call her 25 times, if only she had answered the phone, I wouldn't have to call her 24 times thereafter." In the end, "It was all her fault, everything is all her fault."

Apologies for the rant, but its been a difficult January and we are in court tomorrow morning. I do not often get sad, but after I finished writing up my affidavit and adding exhibits, I thought it was really sad that I was still doing this six years later.

[Ace]

Things are not always as they appear.
You are assuming that I am the high conflict spouse since I used capitals. Actually I am a pecker which means I type slow. Instead of retyping I submitted it as it was because I know what I meant and that is all that really matters. Sorry if I might have offended anyone. Note the 1st letter of each sentence is lower case.
Lots of hurt on this blog. Lets be kind to each other.
Thanks for the poll question pursuitinghappiness

[mcdreamy]

Things are not always as they appear.
You are assuming that I am the high conflict spouse since I used capitals. Actually I am a pecker which means I type slow. Instead of retyping I submitted it as it was because I know what I meant and that is all that really matters. Sorry if I might have offended anyone. Note the 1st letter of each sentence is lower case.
Lots of hurt on this blog. Lets be kind to each other.
Thanks for the poll question pursuitinghappiness

Actually, I'm assuming that you are the high conflict spouse because of your past posts on this site, coupled with with your group facebook page that you promote. I read your group page when you first posted, and occasionally still check it out. I thought you might have a movement to change FLA on that go that I could support. I remain hopeful.

Although crazy and high conflict is non-gender specific, I'm sure you know you do have some crazies on there.

eta: PH, I did not undergo a high conflict case, so won't vote. I made up my mind from the get-go that we would still raise our daughter together, and I was willing to concede certain financial aspects of the law to ensure conflict between the parents was minimized, so our child could enjoy each of us. For the most part, my initial decision has been successful.

[Berner_Faith]

Things are not always as they appear.
You are assuming that I am the high conflict spouse since I used capitals. Actually I am a pecker which means I type slow. Instead of retyping I submitted it as it was because I know what I meant and that is all that really matters. Sorry if I might have offended anyone. Note the 1st letter of each sentence is lower case.
Lots of hurt on this blog. Lets be kind to each other.
Thanks for the poll question pursuitinghappiness

Who said you were a high conflict person because you use capitals?

[caranna]

High conflict people often do not recognise the error of their ways, and will keep doing the same stuff hoping for a different outcome.

In addition, the HCP never assumes any responsibility.

As my ex would state..."I wouldn't have to go to such lengths your honour...if only she did what I told her to do in the first place" Or "she made me contact the police" Or she has given me no choice but to "argue with the school and royally piss off the staff." In the end, "It was all her fault, everything is all her fault."

Nadia, I believe that my stbx (hopefully "Soon") recognized what he was doing. He was extremely abusive...physically and emotionally, sometimes verbally. And also financially...especially after I left him.

Earlier today I read excerpts from George Simon Jr.'s Character Disturbance".

Points to consider:

"Trying to treat a disordered character with traditional psychotherapy is like a neurologist trying to perform delicate brain surgery with a dentist’s appliances.

Remember these important axioms:

They already “see,” they simply “disagree.”
How they feel is not nearly as important as how they think and act.
Change occurs in the here-and-now. Here’s how you know you are making headway with disturbed characters: If they’re wiling to make any changes in their thinking patterns and behavior at the very moment those problematic patterns appear, and you confront or challenge them about them.

Remember: position, position, position. Disturbed characters constantly jockey for advantage in all their encounters and the “fight” for maladaptive dominance often begins before they even enter the therapy room or engage with you. So it’s extremely important to set the “terms of engagement.”

Endorse and enforce values, principles and standards.
Know, honor and use the power of confrontation.
Don’t accept anything at face value.
Take charge and take charge quickly."

[murphyslaw]

Not everything is a mental issue .Some people are just A.H.s They are what they are.They do what they do because they found someone to dominate and subjugate successfully. When they lose control over their victim,they lash out.Not in any great psychologically marvellous way but rather like a brat that got their toy taken away for misbehaviour.They are high conflict because they are used to getting exactly what they want and why not?For years they have been pandered to because their spouse was afraid of their tantrums ,violence,verbal or/and emotional abuse.We helped grow these monsters by always cowering to their every demand.They do well initially at court but eventually truth starts getting in the way.

[Ace]

McDereamy FYI......The CFFLR (Canadians for Family Law Reform) is still active. We meet monthly. We do public picketing of the Sarnia court and several of the notorious lawyers who drag cases out for years until the money is gone. We were in the Canada day parade. We get press every time we speak out.

We abide by the law and we have both women and men even grandparents involved.

The group is in conflict with the legal establishment those who feed off the unfortunate families who just want a divorce and split the equity in a timely fashion.

Family court is a false economy that essentially bilks the money from the families into the legal professional pockets. It is a false economy because it produces nothing but heartache and bankruptcies. Cant eat that or drive it!

Please stay in touch. See us on facebook and on the web. If your interested in attending please come. Maybe you can start a group in your city.

[hadenough]

HC ex got off easily in some ways. But overall, he got labeled.

[mcdreamy]

Geesh, Ace, no more propaganda, please. Have you checked your FB page lately? You have one clearly antagonistic HCP posting every hour for the last week.

Here are my questions for you: You are in Sarnia, your kids are in Cambridge, and apparently have been for the last 8 years. Why are you not in Cambridge? Where have you been for your children? You were (still are?) unemployed, for several years, so we can count out job considerations or requirements. And frankly - you probably have a better chance of being employed in Cambridge, then in Sarnia.

You made a motion to vary CS in Sarnia (due to your unemployment), knowing full well that the CP and children reside in Cambridge. At the time of your motion, it was pointed out to you (by Tayken), that the judge would more than likely consider residence of children. And you were surprised the location was moved and want to play the unjust card? Stop blaming lawyers. It’s called common sense.

I could and would support a movement, to change FLA that is fair to to the children. In fact, I'm rather looking for one. But I have yet to see you post anything other than the contrary. Your posts are indicative of what you would like, solely to your benefit.

[hadenough]

Yes the truth eventually does get in the way!

"Lies have speed but the Truth has endurance."

[Ace]

Mc Dreamey your memory is good

Based on the last court decision to finally vary CS and to extinuish all of her allegations of Contempt I am proud to say the worm is beginning to turn. As hadenough says "truth has endurance".
Not all lawyers are bad but some are ambulance chasing and parasitic. They have lost there way and have no regard for the clients or the families.

Appreciate the advice on where to live. Jobs may be more plentiful in the KW area but my family of origin is in this little town.

Regarding the issue of Sarnia vs Kitchener I was advised by court staff to do it in the jurisdiction I live if it is finacial ONLY. If the application dealt with access then it should be where mommy lives.

Despite my failed marriage and failed attempts to reconnect with my kids I recieve community support because they know I am a good ladd from a good family always helping out. Best decision I made otherwise I might be one of those poor fellas up town Toronto others point at wondering how they got there.

I feel like I am in court defending my character against constant assaults from my x or her lawyer. Am I being overly defensive?