My turn to vent...

[tugofwar]

Just a thought, say things don't work out for you and your current husband, you have changed your child's name, what will it be then?
Honestly, I don't think your ex is totally off or out of line. Why not then have your current husband adopt your child? Im guessing your ex would not disagree there.

[InterprovincialParents]

The most he has ever increased access to was one week, once per year, at either my urging, or the urging of his mother, with whom I remain fairly close. I take my son to visit him any time he asks, as well as when I am in the city in which he lives, or at least ask him if he would like to see his son. Usually he says no. I also take him to visit his paternal grandmother once or twice a year, as well as his aunts and uncles on that side. (and before anyone attacks, yes, I moved...and yes, he was informed 65 days prior to the move, and he had no objection to it.)

Sole custody does give me the "rubber stamp", as you put it. I have a duty to notify him of the intent, and if he objects, he must file a motion with the court to restrict or prevent it.

He pays child support, through FRO, and went through the enforcement process, default hearing, and jail before paying any. Now, it is auto-garnisheed...

I am of the belief that he would not file a motion, as he simply does not care that much...He has already stated, after I asked, that he would consent to the adoption by my spouse instead.

[tugofwar]

Im sorry but if you change your child's name, do you still expect your ex to pay child support?
So what is stopping you then of having your current husband adopt?
I understand your frustrations but I don't think what you are asking for is fair if you are still considering having him pay.

So currently your child has your maiden name?

[representingself]

I'm not sure that sole custody gives you rubber stamp like rights to changing your child's name. If the father wants to continue this action, you will have a burden.

With regards to name changes... sole custody gives you the power to do as you please.

It is up to the NCP to challenge it....

Considering that he is not on the birth certificate, and was given the mothers maiden name (the child has never used the fathers name), he would have to argue to either retain the mothers maiden name or fight to have the childs name changed to his own.

If we are talking about a boy.... and the poster wants to change his last name to that of his step-father, and the father contests... she may be up a creek.... unless the child has assumed his step-dad's name and has been using it for some time and identifies himself as such.... then bio-dad may be out of luck.

[InterprovincialParents]

Just a thought, say things don't work out for you and your current husband, you have changed your child's name, what will it be then?
Honestly, I don't think your ex is totally off or out of line. Why not then have your current husband adopt your child? Im guessing your ex would not disagree there.

I am doing the name change, and then applying for the adoption...but am just not sure how to handle it with my son...as he is happy with the way we do things now, being a blended family...

If my marriage should fail, I would retain my married name, as I have had it throughout my professional career, and my son would then still have the same name as both parents-albeit his adoptive dad, I have been married for over 6 years, and am still in the honeymoon phase, so am not concerned that if it breaks down it would be any time soon. (husband beside me agrees)

[InterprovincialParents]

My son has known my husband since he was a toddler, and my husband has been the only father figure he has had with any stability. My son has been "known as" my married name for the last 6 years, in school records, sports, and all other activities.

[representingself]

Im sorry but if you change your child's name, do you still expect your ex to pay child support?
So what is stopping you then of having your current husband adopt?
I understand your frustrations but I don't think what you are asking for is fair if you are still considering having him pay.

Do you suggest that bio-dad should be relieved of his obligation to financially support his child because of his name?

[tugofwar]

I think he might have a case if he was to take it to court. The child is taking on the name and possible adoption of another parent so yes, I think he would have cause to do such.
Doesn't the new parent then take on the responsibility and that would include financially?

[blinkandimgone]

If you've already made your choice and don't care what biodad thinks or wants then I don't understand the issue. I can certainly understand why HE would be upset and irritated about it but given that you're going to do whatever you want and get what you want then where's the issue on your side?

[InterprovincialParents]

Yes, my son carries my maiden name legally. How is it that you feel it unfair? My son has never carried his father's name, so it is not minimizing his relationship with his father, merely making it easier for him in school, etc. as he would not have to have both last names (my maiden and my married surnames) on each record.

I could not care less about the child support. Both my husband and I have quite successful careers, and subsequently also enjoy a good wage...the $100 per month was what was granted when I first went to court, and while his father's income has gone up, I have never asked for more.

What stops me and has me hesitant on adoption is that I do not want my son to think (as I now do) that his father just really doesn't want to be his father. That is a very large and often destructive dent to a child's self-esteem and self-image.

Im sorry but if you change your child's name, do you still expect your ex to pay child support?
So what is stopping you then of having your current husband adopt?
I understand your frustrations but I don't think what you are asking for is fair if you are still considering having him pay.

So currently your child has your maiden name?

[tugofwar]

Blink, Read the title, said it's her turn to vent..... and that's what she did. She's entitled to it just like the title says

I just don't understand, he's kind of taken on his step father's lastname already as you mentioned in a previous post. Have you talked to your son about it? How old is he again? I would think if he's going to take on the new last name then taking it to the next step would not be that much different.
Im sure your child understands what is going on, Im sure if you explained it in a way he would understand then I don't see the problem. He will have two dads. He will see for himself what his bio dad is like and won't blame you or the father he's known all his life.
I just think since your changing the name, might as well do the adoption so maybe it will be alittle less confusing.

[InterprovincialParents]

Do you suggest that bio-dad should be relieved of his obligation to financially support his child because of his name?

If he hasn't, I will. I think his father has said he'll not agree to a name change, thinking my only option would then be adoption, freeing him from his obligation to his son. Sorry fellas....but there actually ARE deadbeats out there that would rather just not have kids...for me, I don't care about the $$. I'd rather he wanted to spend more time with, and would trade-off in child support if he did!

[InterprovincialParents]

If you've already made your choice and don't care what biodad thinks or wants then I don't understand the issue. I can certainly understand why HE would be upset and irritated about it but given that you're going to do whatever you want and get what you want then where's the issue on your side?

I do care, or I would not have asked if he had any issues with the issue...in emailing back and forth, he has stated that he would agree to adoption, but not to the name change.

And, so...I vent

[blinkandimgone]

But about what, really? I guess I just don't get how what dad said was wrong or unreasonable or affects her in any way.

And if the boy has already been using the step dad's ;ast name for so long then why do you think now would make a difference to have it legally changed. You could simply apply, have the paperwork done and not say anything to the kid until he's old enough to ask and understand. Then you don't have to worry about the self esteem issue at all.

[tugofwar]

.but there actually ARE deadbeats out there that would rather just not have kids...for me, I don't care about the $$. I'd rather he wanted to spend more time with, and would trade-off in child support if he did!

I don't disagree with you here, I am in a similar situation and fighting my ass off for full custody because of this and other things. I stopped trying to force them to have a relationship and in turn things have gotten alittle better.
As much as all of us want our child(ren) to have a relationship with the other parent, forcing such is just as damaging to both if that's not what they wanted.
My ex wanted an abortion too. Never wanted kids. Went as far as to say that and forgets that he was the one that came to me and said lets try.
He was aware I went off birth control, and when I say hey honey let's go at it Im ovulating wouldn't that send bells and whistles that someone is trying to conceive...