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  • Would you get married again?

    After going through the perils of divorce/family law, would you take the leap of faith and ever get married again? Rant all you want .... lol!

    Personally I would have to say NO! being single can be lonely at times, but the loneliness of a relationship gone bad is even worse. Makes me laugh when people claim that they are looking for a "long-term" relationship - what ever happened to 'till death do us part'.

    Do you feel that your divorce experience has taught you how to be a better spouse in the future - or has it made you fearful of ever trusting again?

    Inquiring minds want to know?

    Jan

  • #2
    At my age I don't see it happening but one never knows. I have no life savings to risk (that was decimated by ex) so I don't have to worry about someone marrying me for money that's for sure. My biggest worry would be that Mr. Wonderful was merely looking for a nurse/laundress/cook.

    I admire people who grow old together. How nice to have someone in your life in the twilight years. I do miss the company of men but I can improve that part by getting out and golfing more.

    However, it is really very nice to watch what I want on TV, eat what I want etc. I particularly enjoy not being blamed for someone's day-to-day ups and downs.
    After reading people's experiences on here about dealing with their partner's ex's though it does make me shudder a tad. I've had more than my share of drama. Mr. Wonderful would definitely need to have his life sorted out before I got seriously involved.

    Would I be a better spouse in the future? Perhaps. I've certainly had enough time to reflect on past mistakes I've made.
    Last edited by arabian; 05-16-2015, 06:10 PM.

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    • #3
      S'weird, in the beginning I was truly lost - after a 27 year marriage you get used to having a spouse by your side 7 days a week, even a bad one ... now I actually enjoy living like a 'monk' and have learned to appreciate my own company.

      Less drama for sure and that is so welcome.

      If ever I did lose my mind and get hitched again lol, I would certainly put more effort into keeping things real with the old man by not letting things fester ....
      Small problems have a way of growing out of control when ignored. That's what I've learned.

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      • #4
        I will never get married again, I will not attempt a serious relationship until my youngest is almost finished high school. I guess a lot of people say that....

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        • #5
          ^^^Not surprising - just look at some of the horror stories in here concerning ex spouses VS new spouses with children.
          Often it's the kids themselves who resent the perceived "intruder", especially if Ex is intent on making your new life miserable. It's like walking a tight rope .... trying to keep two families happy and financially secure? I don't know how people manage it.

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          • #6
            It would have to be a truly awesome man to lead me down that garden path again. I'm sure they're quite challenging to find, and since I'm not actively looking, it seems unlikely verging on impossible that I would do so.

            I've learned a lot about myself, and I think I've improved as a person and as a potential partner from my disastrous marriage, but I'll just have to do my best to impart those lessons onto my kids somehow instead.

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            • #7
              Yes, I would.

              I did not date for almost three years post separation. I wanted to make sure that I did not bring the baggage from my ex and foist it on someone else.

              Trying to look at the past now, I see that the reasons I initially chose my ex are more reflective on who I was and what my issues were. He was who he was. I just didn't see it. It was my young and in love rose coloured glasses that made me choose a husband who had differing priorities.

              I feel like I have a better handle on who I am and what I want a relationship to be like. I know what I bring to the table and have been waiting for the right person. My mom introduced me to the man I am dating. I still believe in committing yourself to someone but I am not rushing into either.

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              • #8
                I would have to say it's virtually impossible. Thirty years ago my priorities were very superficial - he was handsome, had a nice car, good job and wanted to marry me. That was my standard then - a recipe for disaster.

                Nowadays I would put more effort into understanding what (potential spouse) really wants out of life, are we intellectually, spiritually, morally suited. That narrows it down to slim pickings ..... Same as you, I hope that my son will put a little more thought than I did when choosing a life partner.

                Many of his friends (in their early 20's) have already had a taste of family court, alimony and custody battles. He's in no hurry to run down the isle.

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                • #9
                  I could have written that myself sadandtired.

                  I also didn't date for about 3 years post separation, and had no intention to start.

                  But you can't help when you meet a person and fall in love. Or reconnect in my case. <3

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                  • #10
                    As for marriage, it's not as important to me as it once was, after going through a cheating spouse and then divorce, I saw the vows we took were very breakable. When I said them I meant it, for better or for worse, but it takes two to keep that promise.
                    Even though I was way way way happier after he left, I still see hurt in my oldest child that his parents are not together, and that's a deep hurt for me, to see what my young children are put through now because of divorce.
                    What's important to me now is the love that we have and the commitment we share. And that's enough for me, I don't feel like I need a piece a paper to have a forever with my man.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by OntarioMomma View Post
                      When I said them I meant it, for better or for worse, but it takes two to keep that promise.
                      I agree OM, there really is no point in exchanging rings or signing a piece of paper, especially when commitment means different things to different people. Loyalty is a rare virtue nowadays ...

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                      • #12
                        My partner said never again. But he also said he would never love another woman. He tells me almost daily "how did you trick me into loving you?" As a joke of course. He was very young when he married and they both had many different ideas of what they wanted from marriage. I never wanted to get married and still have that feeling. If anything it would be for the "legality" of it (har har) because I worry how protected we both are if anything happened to him and that his ex does not agree with us living in sin and projects that onto the kids. He says he just likes the "us" part of it without all the drama, legal stuff, judgement, labels and the like. I have to admit I agree

                        Good people shouldnt hold themselves back from love though. If you guys were to meet someone who loved you and made you happy, dont let what your exes did stop that. If my partner had turned me away I would have missed out on the man I have been waiting my life for.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by rockscan View Post

                          Good people shouldnt hold themselves back from love though. If you guys were to meet someone who loved you and made you happy, dont let what your exes did stop that. If my partner had turned me away I would have missed out on the man I have been waiting my life for.
                          Beautifully written ... though I don't think it's a matter of holding back - maybe overly cautious? Many of us in here have been somewhat traumatized by how the Ex's have treated us, followed by the legal BS adding insult to injury. The fear of going through that again can be overwhelming ...

                          They say love conquers all .... I hope so?

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                          • #14
                            It's funny, I am not saying never again because of fear. I am saying "highly unlikely" because of extreme lack of opportunity paired with being particularly selective.

                            It's Drake's Equation when you get right down to it.

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                            • #15
                              I too feel it is "highly unlikely" as I am extremely selective. Since separation in 2009 I think I have met (1) individual who turned my head. Turns out the guy is single, never married and no kids and probably intends to keep it that way. We had contemplated getting together for golf and some bridge but nothing came of it. Apres divorce litigation kept me from being in the mind-set to even consider a date with anyone. Perhaps the future will have something in store for me. I'm not actively looking for anyone. I suspect eligible men my age are married to their TV's or interested in younger women.

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