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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 03-12-2019, 10:37 AM
YoungDad23 YoungDad23 is offline
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Exclamation Other Parent Wants to Revert to Exact Terms of Final Order Suddenly

Need urgent advice on how to respond and also how the court will view one parent demanding to revert to EXACT parenting schedule after 3+ years of it evolving to meet the child's needs and the life changes of both parents.

Final order issued 2015 after mediation, joint custody and mom having primary physical. Kid was 2 years old at the time.

Kid is now 5 1/2 and attends all day kindergarten. Over the years, both parties have agreed to change the weekly parenting schedule on an ongoing basis due to child starting school, one parent changing jobs, one parent moving.

Can one party (Mom) unilaterally demand that the status quo that has been in place for over two years be replaced by reverting to the letter of the final order with no notice, especially if it is blatant attempt to mess up the other party's life (Dad) with no regard to how it will affect the child's routine and life.

Do I have to immediately consent and jump to her command?

For reference, I work full time in a management position and have some flexibility in my hours but certainly not enough to go back to the schedule we had for a 2 year old when I had a completely different job that didn't require me to commute. Mom has never held a job since before child was born.

I replied to Mom's "EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY" email received yesterday asking to finish out March Break the way we had both agreed to before reverting but was told she would only follow the "Legally Binding" Final Order.

Here is the really strange part, despite being incredibly disruptive to Kid's life and inconvenient to me. Reverting to the final order increases my time with kid significantly (even with school taken into account). It adds an additional overnight to my parenting time, an overnight that she demanded be stopped when he started school in 2017.

Prior to this, mom has NEVER agreed to anything that would increase my parenting time with kid, in fact would only agree to changes requested by me if it decreased my time or kept it exactly the same.

I would be delighted to go back to the final order because it give me more parenting time but with some reasonable tweaks in pick up and drop off times as well as recognition of time child spends in school.

Am I totally off base in requesting that if we revert we do so with both the child's schedule and mine are taken into account in a way that doesn't impact mom's life in a major way?

For background info, Mom got married last fall and her new husband seems to be the source of several recent and escalating power plays and likely even this new demand.

When he appeared on the scene late last summer he appeared in the doorway with mom (usually standing in front of her) when kid was being picked up and dropped off and after they married, she disappeared and I've been left doing exchanges with her husband for several month. I have politely objected several times in writing and said that it was not appropriate, interfering with coparenting and confusing for kid, all to no effect.

There has NEVER been any drama, harsh words, or conflict during exchanges for the last 5 years. I'm left believing that this is a power play and meant to intimidate. A video camera has also been installed (kid pointed it out to me) pointing to where I park my care for pick ups and drop offs as well as the front porch.

Need advice and any insight to the game that is being played.

Thanks very much,
YD23

Last edited by YoungDad23; 03-12-2019 at 11:30 AM.
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  #2  
Old 03-12-2019, 10:49 AM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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You could argue the changes that were made over time have become status quo (depending on how long the changes have been in effect). And that it is not in the children's best interests to interrupt the current status quo.


That said, what impact does reverting back to the order have? Does it impact time with the kids? Drop offs? Etc.


There is limited information provided, so we can't help much.
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Old 03-12-2019, 11:21 AM
YoungDad23 YoungDad23 is offline
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Thanks HammerDad, I pressed send before I meant to. Have now edited post with pertinent details.
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Old 03-12-2019, 01:11 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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IMO, if reverting to the order gives you more time I would say HELL YES, subject to some reasonable alterations in pickup/dropoff times to accommodate school hours. I would leave out your schedule as part of the reason for the alteration of the times, simply because as soon as it becomes something that is a benefit for you they obviously won't agree. Just do what you can to negotiate the times that will work as best as they can for you, without saying it is for your benefit. If you need after school care to accommodate the new times, so be it and just make the arrangement.



Ignore the new spouse. Yes, they may be the source of the new power struggle, but there is nothing you can do about that. Sending letters about this and that only confirms that it bothers you and creates further animosity. Essentially you are telling them it bothers you, and gets them all pissed off and they do it more. Ignore them, they aren't worth your time.


If I were you, and this new schedule works around school, I would see if I could get all exchanges to be done at school ie. you drop off in the morning and they pick up at the end and vice versa.


Unfortunately for you, you didn't get the changes you and your ex had been working with in an order or written agreement form. So if they want to go back to the order, you are kinda screwed until you can either a) negotiate a new agreement or b) get a new order, one that is updated for the child's school schedule. If you have evidence of the ex agreeing to the prior changes in email or text etc., that would make some solid evidence that the changes were made and that her unilateral change back to the order was unwarranted.
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Old 03-12-2019, 02:18 PM
YoungDad23 YoungDad23 is offline
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Thanks for the solid advice Hammer Dad, much appreciated.

I do have years of evidence for the evolution of our agreement in both text and emails. Every change requested by either party was discussed, negotiated and agreed to in one form or the other.

Kid's mom and new husband (he writes the emails now as well) have been making veiled comments about how things are going to change very soon because they are married and she is expecting. I believe she is going to file a motion for sole with a bunch of cooked up false allegations and innuendos (as was her strategy during the over 2 year process to come to our first agreement).

She (they) even brought up the recent tragic death of Riya Rajkumar as a reason that they will be urgently requesting everyone to undergo a criminal background check that kid has contact with. This was disturbing but also ironic because it proves she wasn't paying attention in court the first time around and or is lying to her new husband.

Both my parents already did this as part of filing their own form 35.1 ordered by the judge so they could provide transportation and supervise my very early access with kid after she made ridiculous false allegations of DV against kid and then her to CAS and cops.

Each of 3 times she has made false allegations to CAS, there have been no findings and the files closed.

As a result of her false allegations to police, I was charged with historical DV when kid was a young infant. I vigorously defended myself with the help of a criminal lawyer and the charges were eventually withdrawn by the crown with no conditions. My file was expunged and my photos and prints destroyed.

I'm pretty sure they think this is an ace in the hole for their motion, she knows the charges were withdrawn but probably not the implications.

Again I would be thrilled to have criminal background checks for her, her mother and her spouse (she offered) if she follows through.

Am I correct in thinking that after all that I have been through at her hands, will have a clean background check if that is the only time in my life I have had contact with the police?
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Old 03-12-2019, 02:27 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YoungDad23 View Post
Each of 3 times she has made false allegations to CAS, there have been no findings and the files closed.
Get the CAS reports. Just because the files are closed doesn't mean the reports are necessarily favourable. My ex learned this the hard way- he claimed in his pleadings and told the OCL that CAS investigated our matter and closed our file. Yes they closed it- they ALWAYS close it unless there is an immediate risk to the child- however, the report was not favourable to him at all. It said they were closing it on the basis that the mom was leaving the dad and the child was only seeing the dad through supervision. There was a high risk assessment in the file that noted some things that were not good for dad. Now- is this CAS reported tested in court? Nope. So I don't know how it would hold up.

But my point is that you should request disclosure of those reports/notes to see what they say for yourself.
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Old 03-12-2019, 03:32 PM
YoungDad23 YoungDad23 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
Get the CAS reports. Just because the files are closed doesn't mean the reports are necessarily favourable. My ex learned this the hard way- he claimed in his pleadings and told the OCL that CAS investigated our matter and closed our file. Yes they closed it- they ALWAYS close it unless there is an immediate risk to the child- however, the report was not favourable to him at all. It said they were closing it on the basis that the mom was leaving the dad and the child was only seeing the dad through supervision. There was a high risk assessment in the file that noted some things that were not good for dad. Now- is this CAS reported tested in court? Nope. So I don't know how it would hold up.

But my point is that you should request disclosure of those reports/notes to see what they say for yourself.
Thanks iona,

It's a really good idea but I don't believe I would be successful in getting disclosure of the reports or notes from CAS.

I tried every way I knew how back in 2013-2015, direct requests, asked judge for order and nada.

If someone on here knows how to get successfully get CAS results in Ontario, I would be grateful for the info.

Every time I have been interviewed by CAS after false allegations have been made by kid's mom, they have in the end told me that she is out to get me come hell or high water, to keep on doing what I've been doing parenting kid and also to document, document, document everything that happens on an ongoing basis. (And I have).

Kid's mom was even reprimanded on the record by 2 different judges for making false allegations at very strategic timepoints in the process in order to try and derail my access to kid as a baby.

The second judges response was to immediately move all access visits out of her home and to mine with one of my parents attending (only until the false DV charges were withdrawn by crown).

For context, I am the applicant in our case, kid's mom is the respondent, she denied I was his father shortly after she found out she was expecting and avoided/evaded service of court documents requesting paternity testing for several months after he was born.

We were cased managed by the second judge and he was clearly not impressed with her behaviour several times in over 2 years and gave her a reality check more than once in open court.
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Old 03-12-2019, 03:42 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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You could try a freedom of information request. They may release a redacted copy.

I would also order transcripts from your previous matters to have on the record comments about the false allegations defended.

As part of your response I would also caution her that in light of the history of false accusations and the comments from the judges which you are ordering transcripts for, should she decide to take unnecessary steps to withhold your child, you will seek sole custody, child support and costs.

Just my two cents though. Shes got emotional back up from her new spouse so she is emboldened to pull this shit.
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  #9  
Old 03-12-2019, 04:27 PM
YoungDad23 YoungDad23 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
You could try a freedom of information request. They may release a redacted copy.

I would also order transcripts from your previous matters to have on the record comments about the false allegations defended.

As part of your response I would also caution her that in light of the history of false accusations and the comments from the judges which you are ordering transcripts for, should she decide to take unnecessary steps to withhold your child, you will seek sole custody, child support and costs.

Just my two cents though. Shes got emotional back up from her new spouse so she is emboldened to pull this shit.
Thanks rockscan, great suggestions and I will look into all of them.

I totally agree that her new spouse is drinking the Kool-Aid and his buy-in is emboldening her to take another shot at removing me or at least marginalizing me from our son's life and then she will have a tidy little nuclear family with her new spouse.

He better watch out since once he fails to toe the line and feed her ego, she and her enablers will turn their sights on him.
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Old 03-12-2019, 04:57 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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Just keep documenting everything.


I recall your history, and that you were somewhat methodical at keeping records as you learned from a very early point to keep everything to email/text and to keep your cool.


If they try to file a motion to change, I would simply file a motion to dismiss as there isn't a material change in circumstances. Her re-partnering and having another child isn't unforeseen, that would almost be expected. So I would argue hard that there isn't a material change and as such the original order on custody should stand, and if there is a change, that it be to the parenting time schedule to update it to be more age appropriate given the child is in school.


But don't worry about what they may try to pull. Yeah, you may believe they are going to file for custody. But until they do, there is no need to get worked up over it. That said, keep documenting your time and be a good parent.
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