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A Dad Success Story - lessons learned from 3 years of high conflict litigation

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  • #1
    You only won because your ex spared you. I got falsely accused of rape without any proof from her which resulted in 2 years of criminal litigation and her denying me access to my kids for over a year.

    Any dad claiming they won is solely dependent on how bad the mother wants to win. In my case, my ex wanted to win at any and all costs. I've met several other fathers who were falsely accused of rape so I know I am not an exception.

    Nevertheless, congrats.

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    • #2
      Originally posted by helenj View Post
      You only won because your ex spared you. I got falsely accused of rape without any proof from her which resulted in 2 years of criminal litigation and her denying me access to my kids for over a year.

      Any dad claiming they won is solely dependent on how bad the mother wants to win. In my case, my ex wanted to win at any and all costs. I've met several other fathers who were falsely accused of rape so I know I am not an exception.

      Nevertheless, congrats.

      Or he had a stronger case.

      And you were let off your charge because of a technicality. Take some responsibility and stop playing the victim.

      Comment


      • #3
        Agree about the dad having a harder time through the system, especially when you get the very old male judge, I had a much better experience with the 2 female judges which surprised me.
        Agree also that a lawyer is not as necessary as most think, especially with family provincial court stuff and even a trials involving putting together aphidavits with exhibits etc. Just follow basic rules with proof of service and a lot of patience!

        I had to prove I was the full time parent first 3 yrs in a row to revenue Canada, also first time dealing with the family maintence enforcement lady on the phone was rude and assumed I was the payor, became very friendly once she found out I was the payee, also judges giving the female the benefits in arguements when the judge was male, workplace not letting me get away with the same things as the female single parent(same job), and many other little issues I am sure you have experience with.

        Glad you made it through pretty good!
        Last edited by undersc0re; 07-06-2022, 12:52 AM.

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        • #4
          Originally posted by undersc0re View Post
          Agree about the dad having a harder time through the system, especially when you get the very old male judge, I had a much better experience with the 2 female judges which surprised me.
          Agree also that a lawyer is not as necessary as most think, especially with family provincial court stuff and even a trials involving putting together aphidavits with exhibits etc. Just follow basic rules with proof of service and a lot of patience!

          I had to prove I was the full time parent first 3 yrs in a row to revenue Canada, also first time dealing with the family maintence enforcement lady on the phone was rude and assumed I was the payor, became very friendly once she found out I was the payee, also judges giving the female the benefits in arguements when the judge was male, workplace not letting me get away with the same things as the female single parent(same job), and many other little issues I am sure you have experience with.

          Glad you made it through pretty good!

          You never know…a former poster on here had three judges before trial who all gave his ex grief for the stupidity of her claims (financial), their trial judge seemed confused and totally sympathetic to the ex. My husband’s motion judge was not having any of his ex’s stupidity and demands and when she started to cry he got a little empathetic but not totally as he then awarded significant costs to my husband.

          I think the strength of your case has a big part in it to. Courts are starting to change their tune but not quite fast enough.

          Comment


          • #5
            Originally posted by rockscan View Post
            I think the strength of your case has a big part in it to. Courts are starting to change their tune but not quite fast enough.
            Slight spin on your comment which I agree with but...

            "The strength of the case and how you present your case has a big part in it all."

            How you present your case really matters. Most male parents battle longer because they can't present their case properly. They react to every allegation wrong... This is where a great lawyer makes the difference. They can shape the theory of the case and present it with relevance.

            Comment


            • #6
              Originally posted by Bogdan View Post
              Feel for you HelenJ .. saw exactly what you mentioned with a colleague last year (though no kids)

              False accusation of rape, police involved including jail for a fee days until bail was posted.

              Months and 20k+ in legal fees to prove serious holes / inconsistencies in the accusation. Text messages ended up saving the day.

              Dude lost 20lbs+ in 3 months with the hanging stress of going to jail for a few years.

              Accuser ended up dropping the case, with ZERO repercussions.

              Heck she even admitted that things didn’t transpire as she originally claimed.

              Yes but in helenj’s case there was no recanting and the case was going forward with it ending on a technicality. The judge in his family matter determined enough family violence for that decision too.

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              • #7
                Congrats nonetheless Bogdan!!!!!!!!!

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                • #8
                  did you end up going to trial? Which city?

                  Congrats on your win.

                  Comment


                  • #9
                    Originally posted by Bogdan View Post
                    I have full joint 50/50 custody of my child (as a dad).

                    . . .

                    ..., income was comparable (though she made a bit more)
                    Is she paying you offset child support then?

                    Comment


                    • #10
                      Are you paying full table while you await the 2 year graduated schedule?

                      Comment


                      • #11
                        Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
                        3- Invest in yourself. You can mope and pout while the court proceedings go on, which can last for years. Its best revenge to live well. Hit the gym with a purpose. Show up to court 20 pounds lighter and in shape. It'll drive your ex that much more nuts :-).
                        This is true after everything is done too. My husband’s ex treated him like he was ugly, stupid and worthless. In the decade we have been together he had looked younger, healthier and happier. Hell even his kids can’t reconcile who he is now with who he was/what his ex said he was like. For his own well being it is nice to see.

                        As a child of a split I can also say you need to deal with your shit for your kids. My mom was terrified to date again and used us as her “reason for being” and it caused a lot of difficulty as she could not handle us growing up and leaving her. Don’t put any of that shit on your kids. Deal with your life changes in therapy to be a better person.

                        Comment


                        • #12
                          Everything Bogdan said was true BUT when making an agreement an educated lawyer that knows all the rules will take advantage of the party that does not. It can be unforgiving.


                          Many lawyers invent story lines attacking the other party via affidavits for their clients to and their clients sign them. There is something very wrong and criminal feeling about that and the establishment chooses not to use the given tools to remedy this.
                          The philosophy behind this is something I am unfamiliar with.

                          Comment


                          • #13
                            Congrats on the "victory". Or maybe I should say "congrats on limiting damages" because that's pretty much the only thing you can do. These people (BPD / NPDs) are relentless and I know it all too well. I'm now in year #4 of my divorce, with the next step being a trial which keeps getting delayed. It's incredibly frustrating. It's a huge waste of money but if you don't set your foot down they'll walk on you for the rest of your life or you'll never see your kids again. As you say, don't fight for stupid things but if it comes to the kids or not being able to have finality, definitely put your foot down.

                            Originally posted by Bogdan View Post
                            I had the stronger case and evidence to back it up .. my ex had nothing but decided to instead submitted pages and pages of unsubstantiated claims (he said she said) that meant NOTHING in the end. I guess that would be the other lesson learned … don’t sweat too much about claims being made that have zero evidence to back them up .. especially if “credibility” issues have already been brought up.
                            That sums it up well. You can come up with factual documentation / briefs with your lawyer yet end up receiving briefs from your ex that make you sick because they are so full of lies (such as sexual abuse and whatnot). All they have is a bunch of "emotional evidence" yet in their heads these are hard facts and their sense of entitlement leads them to believe that they deserve whatever they want.

                            What a nightmare these divorces are.

                            Comment


                            • #14
                              Congratulations on your custody journey and excellent right up. I also went through the same journey as you and everything you said is bullet points especially the part there is always on BPD/NPD involved.

                              I even got called by the police for child molestation. The investigation unit in my city concluded it was without merit. The investigating officer knew it was a custody case and told me, this is going to be a long road and if you stay the course it will work out. 4 years for me.

                              In the end, I have primary custody of my child.

                              One thing that you already mentioned in addition to tracking all communications but I will always remember is "Never interrupt your enemy when they are making a mistake" from Napoleon Bonaparte. I am sure you know what I mean!

                              And congrats again on the hard road.

                              Originally posted by Bogdan View Post
                              Yep .. sums it up. There is no winning ... is just about minimizing the blast radius.

                              From what I'm seeing, if it's a high conflict divorce then there's always at-least one BPD/NPD parent involved.

                              Civil parents without personality disorders (or abuse issues) don't litigate.

                              Good luck along journey !

                              Comment


                              • #15
                                Originally posted by Bogdan View Post
                                @Terryfyde ..

                                On “Many lawyers invent story lines attacking the other party via affidavits for their clients to and their clients sign them” … yes I had plenty of that. I had the stronger case and evidence to back it up .. my ex had nothing but decided to instead submitted pages and pages of unsubstantiated claims (he said she said) that meant NOTHING in the end. I guess that would be the other lesson learned … don’t sweat too much about claims being made that have zero evidence to back them up .. especially if “credibility” issues have already been brought up.
                                So true!! As my lawyer would say, "just cause she says it doesn't mean it's true". They don't realize they are shooting themselves in the foot every time they bring up baseless claims.

                                Comment

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