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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 11-10-2021, 05:46 PM
helenj helenj is offline
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Default Mediation vs. Offer to Settle

Hi all,

I am making an offer to settle for Every Other weekend +50/50 holidays but my lawyers are pushing HARD for mediation BEFORE we make an offer to settle.

Their reasoning is that in case she rejects the offer to settle (which they admit is reasonable), it won't make sense to then offer mediation. But if we go forward with mediation first, we may end up with more 'creative' parenting plans.

I am unsure if this is a sound strategy. I do not want to waste more money than I have to. Would love your feedback. Thanks

Background:
-False domestic violence criminal charges have been stayed (withdrawn) after 2 years due to a technicality. We did go to trial but due to an unforeseen circumstance (not due to her credibility), it was dropped. Unfortunately, this may mean in Family court that I have not been proven innocent.

-In the meantime, young kids (under 11) have had supervised access with me for 2 years for once a week as per court's order. I was heavily involved in their lives prior to the false charges.

-We have a 8 day trial coming up ranging from parenting, custody, equalization, etc.
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Old 11-10-2021, 07:11 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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For me personally med/ arbitration has been a complete waste of time, money and energy. It has not yet resolved any of our issues to date.

I would only suggest it if you get along well with your ex, both are honest and have provided full disclosure and are both willing to compromise on your positions and come to a deal.

If you or your ex are high conflict then don’t waste your money or your breath. Just don’t do it.
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Old 11-10-2021, 07:19 PM
pinkHouses pinkHouses is offline
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I remember when $1000 was a lot of money for legal. Now it seems like nothing for that but I could have bought the kids and me a ton of stuff.

With mediation you get 2 kicks at the can, it will be the cheapest money you spend.

-Only you know how much more you might be able to squeeze out.
-A weekend can mean Friday - Monday 5pm....that is great for the summer if you do that stuff. It is great parenting time and could move you further forward.
-A weekend can mean Saturday morning to Sunday night (not as much fun)

-She still get's 60/40 if you get one or two nights a week so what does she care unless she is trying to keep you from the kids.

Your offer sounds very safe, what happens when you want to increase parenting time?

my 2 cents worth about 2 cents.
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Old 11-10-2021, 07:41 PM
helenj helenj is offline
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Interesting...so one person says waste of time and the other says it's worth it.

We are high conflict. As mentioned she had me falsely charged and withheld kids from me unreasonably.... trying to decide what to do...
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Old 11-10-2021, 09:27 PM
pinkHouses pinkHouses is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by helenj View Post
Interesting...so one person says waste of time and the other says it's worth it.

We are high conflict. As mentioned she had me falsely charged and withheld kids from me unreasonably.... trying to decide what to do...
It costs her money too so she is invested.
You can also talk with her directly if you can swing that.
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Old 11-10-2021, 11:52 PM
DHTO DHTO is offline
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Whoa! False charges = go to trial do not pass go, do not collect $200. How can you possibly expect to have a productive mediation session with someone who swore a criminal complaint against you that was a lie?

It's a good thing that in Canada you are presumed innocent until proven guilty. Section 11(d) of the Charter of Rights. You don't have to prove innocence. Make sure that any time they try to allude to the criminal charges that you object and have it stricken from the record.

I would put a structured offer, with individual clauses severable, so that you have the best chances for getting costs awarded to you. For example, if after the trial, your offer was better than the outcome on Custody and Equalization, but not on parenting time and support payments, you might get 50% of your full costs awarded.
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Old 11-11-2021, 10:03 AM
Kinso Kinso is offline
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Mediation may end up being a waste of time but it doesn't hurt to try.

If you want to save money go without your lawyer and insist on 'shuttle' mediation. In shuttle mediation you and your ex are not in the same room (or on the same screen if over zoom) and the mediator goes back and forth.
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Old 11-11-2021, 12:24 PM
helenj helenj is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DHTO View Post
Whoa! False charges = go to trial do not pass go, do not collect $200. How can you possibly expect to have a productive mediation session with someone who swore a criminal complaint against you that was a lie?

It's a good thing that in Canada you are presumed innocent until proven guilty. Section 11(d) of the Charter of Rights. You don't have to prove innocence. Make sure that any time they try to allude to the criminal charges that you object and have it stricken from the record.

I would put a structured offer, with individual clauses severable, so that you have the best chances for getting costs awarded to you. For example, if after the trial, your offer was better than the outcome on Custody and Equalization, but not on parenting time and support payments, you might get 50% of your full costs awarded.
I have been assumed guilty until proven innocent in family court. Even know they're saying I'm guilty and just because I'm not convicted, it doesn't mean I'm innocent. It's a sad state of affairs.

Good point on making it severable on individual clauses. And you're right, someone who tried to end my life, ow can I expect her to negotiate fairly?
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Old 11-11-2021, 01:13 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinso View Post
Mediation may end up being a waste of time but it doesn't hurt to try.

If you want to save money go without your lawyer and insist on 'shuttle' mediation. In shuttle mediation you and your ex are not in the same room (or on the same screen if over zoom) and the mediator goes back and forth.
This is assuming you can find a mediator who will work with the parties if there is alleged intimate partner violence.

We were turned down by two mediators at the beginning of my matter. I can't remember if shuttle mediation was suggested.
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  #10  
Old 11-11-2021, 01:46 PM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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People with restraining/protective orders still do meditation, by using the shuttle service. Very common.
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