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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21  
Old 11-05-2021, 03:00 PM
Kkc Kkc is offline
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How did that all play out for him and the kids
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  #22  
Old 11-05-2021, 04:22 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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How did that all play out for him and the kids

Are you asking me?

They both stopped speaking to him several years ago. Once they hit 18 his ex pulled the I cant force them to speak to you argument and he responded that it was her responsibility to encourage a relationship. He would send her emails too. Initially she would argue the computer wasnt working, the phone wasnt working or they had other activities. He reminded her the agreement outlined that she would make them available, provide all technology necessary and facilitate any access. After that he would get an email from her every time he called saying I advised kid you called and played the vm for them and then they both went away to school and had cell phones but his ex said they were adults and she had no say. She also pulled the entitled to their privacy argument but his lawyer shut that shit down quick. He was sort of on speaking terms with his oldest but then his ex filed a motion claiming he owed more than 80 grand in back support and expenses. (He owed 5 and it was because she refused to update and accept what he was obligated to pay). That led to kid stopping communications because he wanted to bankrupt their mother. Even after he won a motion she filed and said to kid he won because what she was doing was illegal, it was the judge felt sorry for you. And yes he tried all the this is between your mother and I and please stop getting involved and what goes on between your mother and I is not your business responses. Even saw a therapist to manage his alienation. Problem was mom gave them too much power and was adept at playing the victim and the kids were over 18. Now there is no communication. He reaches out every now and then but when your kids are in their mid 20s, are spoiled and self entitled and entirely brainwashed by their mother, its a lost cause. I am ok with it because I got sick of watching them abuse him and also have him suck up the abuse because at least they were in his life. It is truly heartbreaking to see how kids are used. I saw a meme once that said I love my kids but hate my ex more. Totally true!
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  #23  
Old 11-05-2021, 04:54 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
What�s that phrase me love here?

Not the hill to die on.

Seriously. If you are going to be forced to buy them just suck it up and do it. Your kids are warm. One winter my sister had to buy three pairs of snow pants as her kid insisted on crawling and sliding through the gravel lot. She then resorted to sewing patches on the damn things. Kid wailed and my sister told her either quit playing like an animal or suck it up.
towards the end of the season- I will use coloured ducktape (if I have it...if not- grey). My kid, luckily, doesn't care. (yet).
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  #24  
Old 11-05-2021, 05:02 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
Thanks Iona for your example. I appreciate how frustrating it is. I will carry on and simply keep the receipts if ever needed to make a point.

It goes to show how much of a pos our exes can be. Her court briefs were laced with how much she loves our kids and how in her view it was critical she had them to herself and render me a visitor-dad, etc. Yet when it comes time to forking over money for winter clothes or extracurriculars for the kids she claimed to love so much, she is nowhere to be found.

She delays the purchase of essential things to the point where I cave and just buy them myself. Or worse, at times she agrees to collaborate on purchasing things or extracurriculars jointly, and suggests I pay and she'll reimburse me her share. Yet never does. A true show of class.
My unsolicited advice is to try to learn to deal iwth your anger towards your ex. Your posts fairly drip with resentment towards your ex- and I get that...but also, sometimes it's just easier to let that anger go- especially for the sake of your kid(s).

My ex did really horribly shitty things to me. Which is why he's my ex.

HOWEVER, he's also my daughter's dad. And part of her is him- and will forever be. I don't want her to think I dislike part of her....so I'm working on finding some ways to actually kinda feel some good feelings towards him again.

I mean- this is my schtick...everyone has their own feelings. But kids are smart and intuitive. They will know when you hate their other parent.
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  #25  
Old 11-05-2021, 06:03 PM
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But kids are smart and intuitive. They will know when you hate their other parent.
And they grow up and get really annoyed that two grown ass adults behaved the way they did towards each other over everything including at an important event 25 years AFTER they split.
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  #26  
Old 11-05-2021, 10:15 PM
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I am so sorry that you had to witness all.of that

This is the exact reason I am fighting so hard for my kids.
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  #27  
Old 11-06-2021, 10:20 AM
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I am so sorry that you had to witness all.of that

This is the exact reason I am fighting so hard for my kids.

The thing though was my dad took off and resurfaced once we were all done school. My mom tried to protect us. It was all so ridiculous.

Its a fine line people walk. My husband did everything right, his ex had better time to turn the kids and she was a petty vindictive a-hole.
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  #28  
Old 11-06-2021, 09:12 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Story time:

I offered to split winter clothing with my ex. She insisted that we each needed to have our own entire winter clothing set.

Fine.

Three years later, it started to snow one day when the kids were with her. She had to send them to school with her precious winter clothes and the kids were coming to my house after. The horror!

She emailed me, saying she forgot the clothes at her parents house. I recommended that she go get the clothes from her parents house.

Then she emails me saying that the kids have asked to wear my winter clothes the next day. I say that her clothes are just fine.

A few hours later she emails me saying that we have to split the cost of winter clothes, so she needs access to mine. I of course have the email from three years earlier where I offered to split and she refused.

The next day she sends the kids with snow clothes that were years old and barely fit. I ended up cutting the snow pants off of my son because it was easier than trying to get them off. I have no idea how the teacher put them on at the school

The lesson here: If a parent is determined to be an asshole, not much you can do to stop them.
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  #29  
Old 11-08-2021, 10:59 AM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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The lesson here: If a parent is determined to be an asshole, not much you can do to stop them.
My ex has definitely shown her true colours since separation. She claims to love the kids SO much and fought hard in court to try to keep them to herself, however when it comes to expenditures on our kids, she could not be more shamelessly indifferent. She feels she "lost" in court by the judge granting 50/50 and so she has completely detached herself when it comes to anything financial-related.

I think I know the answer, but I will ask. If it was agreed to split the expenditures and the ex is not repaying their share, can you simply take out their share from the CS payment?
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  #30  
Old 11-08-2021, 05:33 PM
pinkHouses pinkHouses is offline
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Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
I think I know the answer, but I will ask. If it was agreed to split the expenditures and the ex is not repaying their share, can you simply take out their share from the CS payment?
No, you can't. You are letting your ex get to you.
Keep your receipts, all of them for the stuff you bought and ask for it in your yearly child support motion.
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