Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #11  
Old 11-07-2020, 12:28 PM
Kevin12345 Kevin12345 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 23
Kevin12345 is on a distinguished road
Default

I don’t mind the opinions. That’s fine but to claim the mother was helping the child when the child willingly ran to him twice for comfort and then her pulling away is justified is ridiculous. Would you have the same opinion if she ran to the mother for comfort? Minus the pushing which I admit was wrong.

As well please provide references where witnessing abuse of a spouse leads directly to abuse of kids 100% of the time. They are separated now so it would not happen again

Again I’m admitting it was wrong but it was equally wrong for anyone to pull or yank their child from anyone when they are noticeably comforted by that person.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 11-07-2020, 12:35 PM
Kevin12345 Kevin12345 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 23
Kevin12345 is on a distinguished road
Default

Thank you so much Tayken for the reply. Exactly what I was looking for. Unprejudiced and unbiased. I’ll take your advice and remove the posts as it makes sense. Apologies to other if I come across rude or demonizing. I just don’t want him to lose his kids over this mistake.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 11-07-2020, 02:51 PM
Kevin12345 Kevin12345 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 23
Kevin12345 is on a distinguished road
Default

Can a moderator please remove this thread as I can’t find how to. Thx for the resources and opinions.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 11-07-2020, 04:13 PM
tilt tilt is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 377
tilt is on a distinguished road
Default

I don’t think threads are removed. Keep in mind that in addition to the $150,000 in legal fees your brother is looking at at least three years, possibly five, before trial. And during that time both sides get more entrenched and adversarial. Every flaw, every mistake is magnified and the kids are the ones caught in the middle (they will need to be interviewed multiple times, there will be tension in both houses, CAS will be called by somebody in the extended family, unwise words will be said in the children’s hearing, etc). Their relationship history will be re-hashed and recast as heavily abusive on both sides as courts like black and white, the grandparents will smack talk each other, access exchanges will be fraught and possibly recorded.

Your brother would be far better served by getting therapy, not talking about the case with you or anyone else in the family (you are waaaayyyy to involved and biased to be any help beyond recommending he get professionals other than lawyers involved), admitting to the mother he was wrong and will never be violent again now that he has insight to his behaviour, and both focusing on the future as co-parents in a positive way. They can seek out a seperation coach to be child-focused and much more likely to get closer to 50/50 for a lot cheaper - as long as he denies the abuse the mother will not be able to trust that he won’t repeat the behaviour. The financial stuff should be easy, if he is fighting her on that, it isn’t a good sign because it is basically a formula at this point. So fights over money tend to be fighting for the sake of fighting. Accept the marriage is over, move on into a future as co-parents who will be able to attend parent-teacher meetings together, buy a really nice Mother’s Day presents for the children to give their mother, and attend the child’s wedding with their future partners.

Lawyers make money off inflaming conflict, the courts don’t really care about the child’s best interest (but there is a stigma against parents with criminal charges of abuse), so it is up to the two co-parents to be the adults that take control of this situation *together*.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 11-07-2020, 04:17 PM
tilt tilt is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 377
tilt is on a distinguished road
Default

Also, because you seem to have missed it. Witnessing parental abuse IS the child abuse. The research is clear on how much trauma it causes a child to see a parent they love deliberately hurt another parent they love.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 11-07-2020, 05:16 PM
Kevin12345 Kevin12345 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 23
Kevin12345 is on a distinguished road
Default

Thx for the perspective tilt but I feel tayken has provided a better approach in his replies to me. Obviously we don’t know what actually happened but he pushed her back lightly as he was saying your hurting your daughter. There was no intent to push her or hurt her. It was reactive to protect the daughter as she was crying clenching her dad. As well, I asked to provide evidence or references where this situation or like it leads to child abuse in the future not if witnessing abuse is child abuse. They are working it out through their lawyers out of court so it’s not like nothing is happening. Please don’t make assumptions of what happened or my brother as tayken said I didn’t provide all the details. I just asked what effect in general does DV affect custody.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 11-08-2020, 02:34 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 662
Stillbreathing will become famous soon enough
Default

Domestic violence charges will have an instantaneous and immediate negative effect on access, resulting in either no contact with the children or supervised access if children are present during the alleged incident as in your brother’s case.

Yes it is possible to eventually achieve 50/50 after the charges are dismissed. However, as other posters have indicated the road to 50/50 is substantially longer , more expensive and more difficult than if there were no such charges.

In some cases were the domestic violence has deemed to be based on false allegations or as a devious unfounded litigation tactic, custody has actually been reversed.

It all depends on multiple factors. One thing you have to remember is that once parties relinquish control to a judge in a court, the outcome becomes an expensive crap shoot. Anything can happen.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 11-08-2020, 04:04 PM
Kevin12345 Kevin12345 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 23
Kevin12345 is on a distinguished road
Default

He does have supervised access now, however, he has been pushing for 3rd party supervision as right now it is set at their families house where they are recording and interfering when talking to his kids. They did not agree to supervision at our house. Wondering if this is acceptable or should be challenged?
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 11-08-2020, 04:57 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 662
Stillbreathing will become famous soon enough
Default

It’s best to have a 3rd party neutral supervisor such as a priest or minister or other neutral party (not a family member from either side). Yes it is possible to get an order for a member from his family to supervise.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 11-08-2020, 05:49 PM
pinkHouses pinkHouses is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 342
pinkHouses has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

If they are recording and interfering then that is not good for the child.
I suppose a judge signed off on that?
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Advice For Non-Canadian Needed LostKingdom Political Issues 6 09-02-2010 11:36 AM
My Daughter's Welfare: Much Needed Advice? pemachine Parenting Issues 24 01-27-2009 08:59 PM
Advice very much needed (long post, sorry) Kimberley Divorce & Family Law 9 02-06-2008 03:57 PM
Advice Needed Degagn Divorce & Family Law 1 10-10-2006 03:04 PM
Advice Needed Degagn Financial Issues 0 10-10-2006 02:22 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:23 PM.