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  • Crazy Ex Taking me Back to Court....Again

    My wife and I have interim 50/50 access and joint custody of our 2 boys. We split in July, 2010, sold the marital home and each own a town home in different parts of the city. I bought my home in our old neighborhood as my ex and I verbally agreed that we shouldn't uproot the kids. As soon as I purchased my home my ex bought a place about 20 minutes away and now denies ever intending to live in our old neighborhood. My ex is extremely bitter that I left her after her second affair and I know that her move was done to spite me.

    Our interim agreement expires in December and my ex now wants full custody and a lot of money from me. My ex also wants to move the children's school to her new neighborhood. My wife works full time shift work and plans on having her 72 year old mother watch the boys while my ex is at work.....essentially using her mother to replace my role in the boys lives. My ex makes roughly 52k and I make 77k yearly. I have always been a very involved father and have now shelled out close to $15,000 in legal fees as last September my wife continually denied access to the kids, had me falsely arrested (I was cleared of all wrong doing), accused a family member of molesting one of my sons, accused me of being a child abuser, alcoholic, spousal abuser, and "potential drug addict". Bottom line is I am tired of constantly fighting and paying money to a lawyer just to see my kids. I am a great father and deserve to see my kids.
    I have reference letters from our old neighbors, my son's day care, friends, co-workers etc etc stating my role in the kids lives.

    My ex recently filed a motion against me stating that I am essentially the living breathing devil....she wants full custody, $1159 a month in child support, spousal support and 60% of day care costs and section 7 expenses.

    I know I shouldn't worry as her affidavit is full of lies and unproven accusations but I still worry.

    I don't know where my ex is getting money for this battle but I think she is trying to financially drain me so that I can't battle any longer. We live in the exact same model of home from the same builder, we drive cars of similar value, I currently pay her offset child support and 60% of day care costs.....thing is, I barely make ends meet but she always has money. She claims in her affidavit that she needs all that money from me so that the life style in both homes is the same......to me it sounds like she bought the house with the expectation that I would lose in court. My ex also hides the fact that her boyfriend lives with her and then makes a huge deal of the fact that my girlfriend lives with me.

    I see so many holes in her case and wonder....would a judge throw away my current joint parenting arrangement based on unproven claims of child abuse, alcoholism etc etc etc.....or will most judges view her as money hungry?

    I don't know, sorry for the rant. Just needed to get it out so I can concentrate on work for once.
    Last edited by Teddie; 08-05-2011, 02:20 PM. Reason: spelling mistakes

  • #2
    Just document your involvement with the child and get affidavits/references from your kids service providers (teachers/daycare/dr's etc) that you are regularly involved with the kids.

    Keep a stable head about you, don't allow yourself to be dragged into an conflict with the ex and be the best dad you can be.

    But document, document and document. The onus is on her that status quo isn't working. Be as co-operative as you can be (by "as you can be" I mean, don't sweat the little stuff, but be involved and be a parent. Don't back down on anything that interferes with your job as a parent).

    Don't stoop to her level. Focus all your arguments on the best interests of the children and why your continued arrangement is/has been successful and how you plan on continuing it.

    For her argument to change schools, I would find out which school is the higher ranking school in terms of quality of education. If her school is better, you can agree to allowing the kids to switch as it is in their best interests. If it is not, you argue that they should remain in the higher ranking school and that they also benefit in maintaining their existing peer group and friends.

    As for her accusations. Re Drinking/Drugs - Your Honor, outside of claims from [ex] I have never been accused or charged with any drug or drinking related offence. Further, I have never been intoxicated in the childrens presense. As such, I feel her accusations are baseless and without merit. However, if the court should so determine, I would happily submit myself to a drug test to absolve any of [ex]'s or the courts concerns.

    But focus on the kids and let her look like the psycho.

    Comment


    • #3
      I agree with that and I have had my doctor perform a drug test just so I have it ready should he need it.

      In mediation and in talks between lawyers I have been willing to allow the change of school because it works better with her work schedule. All I asked for was that she would finalize the current custody and access arrangement and she said "no". This is all about the money....in an offset arrangement she gets $349/month for CS, no entitlement for spousal and I pay 60% of all section 7 expenses.....in a sole custody 80/20 she get a whole lot more.

      This woman has shown my oldest the court application and tells him I am an alcoholic among many other things. I hope she gets what she deserves in court.

      Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
      Just document your involvement with the child and get affidavits/references from your kids service providers (teachers/daycare/dr's etc) that you are regularly involved with the kids.

      Keep a stable head about you, don't allow yourself to be dragged into an conflict with the ex and be the best dad you can be.

      But document, document and document. The onus is on her that status quo isn't working. Be as co-operative as you can be (by "as you can be" I mean, don't sweat the little stuff, but be involved and be a parent. Don't back down on anything that interferes with your job as a parent).

      Don't stoop to her level. Focus all your arguments on the best interests of the children and why your continued arrangement is/has been successful and how you plan on continuing it.

      For her argument to change schools, I would find out which school is the higher ranking school in terms of quality of education. If her school is better, you can agree to allowing the kids to switch as it is in their best interests. If it is not, you argue that they should remain in the higher ranking school and that they also benefit in maintaining their existing peer group and friends.

      As for her accusations. Re Drinking/Drugs - Your Honor, outside of claims from [ex] I have never been accused or charged with any drug or drinking related offence. Further, I have never been intoxicated in the childrens presense. As such, I feel her accusations are baseless and without merit. However, if the court should so determine, I would happily submit myself to a drug test to absolve any of [ex]'s or the courts concerns.

      But focus on the kids and let her look like the psycho.

      Comment


      • #4
        You should worry.
        In the sense that something very important is happening with respect to your kids and your time with them.
        Take it very seriously.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by wretchedotis View Post
          You should worry.
          In the sense that something very important is happening with respect to your kids and your time with them.
          Take it very seriously.
          Yes, I worry about the impact her parental alienation is having on the kids. I still don't talk bad about their mom to them and I wish she would do the same. I don't see that either child believes what she says about me but I do see that it stresses them out a little. The last time the kids saw me they seemed scared to hug me when their mother was around....the minute she left they were all over me. Clearly they get reprimanded for showing any positive emotion towards me.

          Comment


          • #6
            Fight the good fight.
            Always maintain your calm as best you can.
            Argue facts and logic in court, not emotion or lies.
            Be the best damn DAD you can be given the circumstance, win or lose.

            This last one I'm not so sure about - but everyone tells me its true (including CAS)

            Your kid(s) will figure it out on their own one day. Whether you or the ex is an ass or an angel. They'll form their own opinion about the matter eventually.

            Comment


            • #7
              Another worry of mine is that my ex's boyfriend has apparently been arrested in front of her house on several occassions. A mutual friend of ours called the police on him for harrassment and he was arrested in front of her home. When officers arrived they discovered he had an outstanding warrant for his arrest.

              I called the police to try and get information regarding his criminal record and they won't release any details. I am hoping that my lawyer can obtain a copy (don't know if that is possible). Things are a mess on her end of things.

              Comment


              • #8
                I went through a similar situation - separated in 2007 (had our kids 50% of the time) - asked to put our access agreement in writing in 2008 - she flipped, went and got a lawyer and offered me less time than I had already established as status quo, as you can guess I said no - took until 2009 to get a formal separation agreement finalized - I got an agreement with shared parenting/residence/custody - 50/50 access schedule; but it was not an easy road even though I only wanted what I already had; I avoided the route of you bash me, I bash you; instead I focused on my role as a parent and what I provided to our children; my ex did not take the same path unfortunately and came across as a selfish and absorbed person who could not and would not put our kids needs before her own; mind you it was hard not to bite on alot of the crap that was thrown at me; but fortunately I didn't and it worked out for me in the end; and yes it cost me close to 25000 dollars to get to the end; my best advice is to maintain your status quo of access/custody and document all of your involvement with your kids and the people in your kids lives (doctors, teachers, sitters, etc); point out what you provide to your kids; its you that lives in their school district and chose to do so when she did not; she does not have the right to take away your rights as a parent and vice versa;

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by wretchedotis View Post
                  Fight the good fight.
                  Always maintain your calm as best you can.
                  Argue facts and logic in court, not emotion or lies.
                  Be the best damn DAD you can be given the circumstance, win or lose.

                  This last one I'm not so sure about - but everyone tells me its true (including CAS)

                  Your kid(s) will figure it out on their own one day. Whether you or the ex is an ass or an angel. They'll form their own opinion about the matter eventually.

                  Love this!! Too true!

                  Comment

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