So this is relation to the finances.
When it comes to custody- I will do everything I can to ensure our daughter is safe. I don't care if I spend every last dime and ounce of my energy fighting. But I actually think that that is moving in the right direction...so it's really finances which is what we're about to start fighting for.
My ex basically screwed me over SO hard....lied about joint accounts. Took money I was transferring him and paid all the bills- used his money to build his retirement fund. I paid 100% of the household expenses. I paid all of our daughter's expenses. This story isn't new- the only twist is usually it's usually the woman who is the stay-at-home mom or lower income earner getting screwed and left financially decimated. In this case- surprise!- it's the wife because I was the breadwinner. I trusted my husband. I shouldn't have. I wanted to avoid conflict and getting yelled at. It's a HARD lesson to learn...but learned it, I did.
To be clear though- we both earn very good salaries- I just earn significantly more.
Now- our house has finally sold- and the equity in it is okay- nothing to write home about. ..so I'm left with this question:
I can fight to get a fair equalization payment. Realistically I will likely get anywhere between 30-60k. But I'll spend 20K doing it.
OR I could just cut my losses and start again. I'm 38, I have time to keep building. I have a great job. I just made a major move in my career and the prospects are good. I could build again.
Anger was fueling me before because of the indignity of what he did to me financially. I still can't admit the full extent to anyone in my life- I feel SO ashamed.
BUT...anger is hard to sustain. It's tiring as fuck.
What have you guys done?
What fueled you to push ahead in the finance department? I'm not talking custody or access here- because it's a totally separate issue...
I'm just torn as to what to do. Fight? Or just take my lumps and keep it moving.
When it comes to custody- I will do everything I can to ensure our daughter is safe. I don't care if I spend every last dime and ounce of my energy fighting. But I actually think that that is moving in the right direction...so it's really finances which is what we're about to start fighting for.
My ex basically screwed me over SO hard....lied about joint accounts. Took money I was transferring him and paid all the bills- used his money to build his retirement fund. I paid 100% of the household expenses. I paid all of our daughter's expenses. This story isn't new- the only twist is usually it's usually the woman who is the stay-at-home mom or lower income earner getting screwed and left financially decimated. In this case- surprise!- it's the wife because I was the breadwinner. I trusted my husband. I shouldn't have. I wanted to avoid conflict and getting yelled at. It's a HARD lesson to learn...but learned it, I did.
To be clear though- we both earn very good salaries- I just earn significantly more.
Now- our house has finally sold- and the equity in it is okay- nothing to write home about. ..so I'm left with this question:
I can fight to get a fair equalization payment. Realistically I will likely get anywhere between 30-60k. But I'll spend 20K doing it.
OR I could just cut my losses and start again. I'm 38, I have time to keep building. I have a great job. I just made a major move in my career and the prospects are good. I could build again.
Anger was fueling me before because of the indignity of what he did to me financially. I still can't admit the full extent to anyone in my life- I feel SO ashamed.
BUT...anger is hard to sustain. It's tiring as fuck.
What have you guys done?
What fueled you to push ahead in the finance department? I'm not talking custody or access here- because it's a totally separate issue...
I'm just torn as to what to do. Fight? Or just take my lumps and keep it moving.
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