Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Homework coordination

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Homework coordination

    I am NCP with EOW (Fri after school to Sun 7pm) and Weds overnights.

    D6's 1st grade homework is starting. It is handed out Fridays, due Thursdays. It's minimal - maybe 10 minutes daily, or 1 hour in one sitting.

    I proposed that whoever picks D6 up for the weekend is responsible for the homework that week, so that D6 doesn't need to do homework twice.

    Mother disagrees, and demands that I must give the homework (completed or not) to her at handover on Sunday evenings so that she can review/complete.

    I disagree, since this takes away a day of available time for homework, and gives D6 the message that Mom is the homework authority.

    The kicker: the school (chosen by Mom) is French, and I have recently lost at trial a bid to move her to French Immersion, as my french is very basic. The judge said I can hire a tutor.

    I am willing to do whatever is necessary (no choice, really) to ensure D6 has appropriate support in her homework.

    I have a good relationship with the teacher, and other parents - very involved in the school (though due to language I am not allowed to be an official parent council member).

    Any thoughts on how to proceed?
    Last edited by dinkyface; 10-18-2013, 10:22 AM.

  • #2
    Originally posted by dinkyface View Post
    I am NCP with EOW (Fri after school to Sun 7pm) and Weds overnights.

    D6's 1st grade homework is starting. It is handed out Fridays, due Thursdays. It's minimal - maybe 10 minutes daily, or 1 hour in one sitting.

    I proposed that whoever picks D6 up for the weekend is responsible for the homework that week, so that D6 doesn't need to do homework twice.

    Mother disagrees, and demands that I must give the homework (completed or not) to her at handover on Sunday evenings so that she can review/complete.

    I disagree, since this takes away a day of available time for homework, and gives D6 the message that Mom is the homework authority.

    The kicker: the school (chosen by Mom) is French, and I have recently lost at trial a bid to move her to French Immersion, as my french is very basic. The judge said I can hire a tutor.

    I am willing to do whatever is necessary (no choice, really) to ensure D6 has appropriate support in her homework.

    I have a good relationship with the teacher, and other parents - very involved in the school (though due to language I am not allowed to be an official parent council member).

    Any thoughts on how to proceed?
    I'm unclear with what you're asking here - are you proposing keeping the homework when she comes to your house on the weekend and sending it back Wednesday night? That would be odd - but like I said, not clear on what you're proposing.

    Homework should stay with your daughter. If you want to do some of it on the weekend then for sure, do it. But make sure it's in her bag on Sunday night.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by HappyMomma View Post
      I'm unclear with what you're asking here - are you proposing keeping the homework when she comes to your house on the weekend and sending it back Wednesday night? That would be odd - but like I said, not clear on what you're proposing.

      Homework should stay with your daughter. If you want to do some of it on the weekend then for sure, do it. But make sure it's in her bag on Sunday night.
      I agree homework should stay with the child at all times. It's their homework not yours.

      Also start adding "some" responsibility for her in regards to her homework...time planning etc.

      Comment


      • #4
        I'd suggest that on your weekends, you make sure the child does at least 30m of homework (going by your 10m per day estimate) in those three days, and then after exchange, the mother can check the French and help her finish whatever isn't done during the rest of the week. That way, your daughter can do the easiest parts with you that might not need as much French knowledge for, and her mother can check the French afterwards. Your daughter learns that you consider homework to be just as important at your house as at her mother's. Wednesday nights before it is due, you can give it a once over (even if you don't fully understand it!).

        Even in an intact household, there are parents who are better at helping with homework and may be seen as the final authority in specific subjects or in general. As long as you emphasize that it needs doing diligently, I don't think it will matter that her mother is the one who can check it over best. If the Mom makes her repeat the homework, your daughter is going to know whose idea that is, and get better at the homework.

        And grade 1 homework is going to be pretty simple. Math is its own language, and she can read French books out loud to you and then explain what they are about in English. It will get her practice at analyzing what she is reading.

        Your daughter will be much better off with two parents who insist on homework, even if it involves repetition, than a child with two parents who each foist it off on the other and don't care.

        Comment


        • #5
          OK, so is the recommendation also that when I pick her up from school every Weds, mom should ensure that the homework travels with D6 (in her school bag) so that it can be reviewed/completed in our household before hand-in on Thursday mornings. Mom will not agree to that.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by dinkyface View Post
            OK, so is the recommendation also that when I pick her up from school every Weds, mom should ensure that the homework travels with D6 (in her school bag) so that it can be reviewed/completed in our household before hand-in on Thursday mornings. Mom will not agree to that.
            So what is mom's plan - is she going to run to the school in the morning and drop it off? It's due Thursday, it should be in her bag Wednesday night. Unless it was done early....

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by dinkyface View Post
              OK, so is the recommendation also that when I pick her up from school every Weds, mom should ensure that the homework travels with D6 (in her school bag) so that it can be reviewed/completed in our household before hand-in on Thursday mornings. Mom will not agree to that.
              If you are picking her up from school how would she not have her homework. Or does it only come home on Friday and returned on Thursday

              Do you drop her off at school Thursday morning? How would she get the homework back if mom kept it.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by dinkyface View Post
                I am NCP with EOW (Fri after school to Sun 7pm) and Weds overnights.

                D6's 1st grade homework is starting. It is handed out Fridays, due Thursdays. It's minimal - maybe 10 minutes daily, or 1 hour in one sitting.
                Yes I pick up from school on Weds and drop off to school on Thurs.

                I'm concerned that Mom would send the completed homework to school on Weds morning, and instruct D6 to hand it in that day instead of leaving it in the backpack to come home with D6 to us.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by dinkyface View Post
                  Yes I pick up from school on Weds and drop off to school on Thurs.

                  I'm concerned that Mom would send the completed homework to school on Weds morning, and instruct D6 to hand it in that day instead of leaving it in the backpack to come home with D6 to us.
                  I wouldn't worry about that. If it's done, it's done. Better early than late.

                  Just do what you can on your weekends to be involved and leave it at that.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by dinkyface View Post
                    Yes I pick up from school on Weds and drop off to school on Thurs.

                    I'm concerned that Mom would send the completed homework to school on Weds morning, and instruct D6 to hand it in that day instead of leaving it in the backpack to come home with D6 to us.
                    Oh now I understand the crux of the problem. It's not getting the child to do the homework, it's foiling a possible deliberate attempt to leave you out of the process.

                    Well, the homework pretty much HAS to go with the kid between houses. That backpack is going to change hands a lot. Then it goes to school on Wednesday, and the homework should probably be completed by then so the French mother has been able to review it with the child. So it's really all about getting it home that night instead of it being handed in early.

                    Why not just contact the teacher and ask her not to accept it until Thursday, so that you can review it on Wednesday evenings?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      So glad I asked! I see my original proposal doesn't work going forward (when homework load increases) because it halves the amount of time D6 has to do it.

                      I'll aim for
                      - homework travelling with D6
                      - doing a part of the homework on my time, and leaving some for Mom. Could be Math with us, reading/writing with mom.
                      - instilling a strong 'bit of homework every day' schedule, so that if mom decides to do it all and leave none for me, then D6 will get crabby at her.

                      So the main problem for me is figure out how to make the 'return of homework on weds evenings' happen.

                      More ideas welcome!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                        Why not just contact the teacher and ask her not to accept it until Thursday, so that you can review it on Wednesday evenings?
                        Because that would make you look like the problem.

                        Her instance will eventually die off over time. This isn't a hill I go to die on. To be honest, you both are being unreasonable. Her by being demanding and you by being defensive and believing this is an attempt to cut you out.

                        Do your best to remain involved and help with homework. Let the ex review it if she feels so inclined. You can't stop her from doing it, as the kid needs the homework with them as they may go over stuff in class at any time.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I remember those planning books. If I remember correctly the parent signed each day in order for quick notes to be passed between the parent/teacher as part of the communication process. Book reading was an important part in grade one with a separate list. When you have the book, you should also acknowledge those notes going back and forth in order to keep your communication open with the teacher.

                          While I'm thinking about it, you should also check to see if your on the emergency contact list as well.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Next year and maybe even later this year it will be daily homework. You will certainly get your chance to be a part of it.

                            I don't see any real issue here. The goal is for your daughter to get her homework done... It's really irrelevant how, what, where and when.

                            Do what you can with her and ignore the rest.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                              Oh now I understand the crux of the problem. It's not getting the child to do the homework, it's foiling a possible deliberate attempt to leave you out of the process.
                              Exactly. When D6 started school, mom instructed the JK teacher not to send any info home with D6 in her backpack. Happily the teacher refused. We have regular problems being informed of school info/events because of the language barrier. Google Translate is not reliable because most info comes via hardcopy, or PDF where the text is not copy-pastable.

                              The risk of being cut out of school work due to the language problem is going to get worse and worse as homework gets more involved, so I want to be vigilant from the start and work out a solution that works going forward.

                              Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                              Why not just contact the teacher and ask her not to accept it until Thursday, so that you can review it on Wednesday evenings?
                              We can alert the teacher to the plan, but I don't want D6 to be upset if she is instructed to hand it on on Weds. So Mom has to be on board.
                              Last edited by dinkyface; 10-18-2013, 11:45 AM.

                              Comment

                              Our Divorce Forums
                              Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                              Working...
                              X