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  • PD Days

    So my ex and agreed early on that we would cut down the amount we use our sitter to save money.

    This involves her dropping the kids off to me in the morning which is fine.

    The only concern she had was on PD days we would have no care. We agreed that I would arrange care with my mom on all pd days.

    This Friday is a pd day. I have arranged for the kids to go to my moms. This morning she started going on about how she will be here to pick the kids up on Friday at 3:00. I told her that was not possible. I work till 4 and my mom works until 5:30. I told her she could go pick them up at my moms/my grandmothers (They live together in Mississauga). She said that was unacceptable.

    I received the following email after not answering her 12 phone calls.

    Dear xxxxxxxxx

    I am finsished working at 2:30 on friday I pick the children up no later then 3:30 from school on my access days. Driving to your mothers work is not an acceptable location to pick the children up on my access day. You took it apon yourself to let our babysitter go! Leaving PD days your responsibillty to organize children care. I am not required to sit around and wait at your convinience to pick up our children for my access weekend. You stated that if your mother bring them to your house they will not be available until 7 pm. on friday. This time is not acceptable. I will be at your house by 2:45pm. to pick up the children. If the children are not there you are responsible to bring them to me in orangeville! If you are unable to do so then you are responsible to keep them for the night. I will then pick them up from hockey on saturday morning. <babysitter> is not an option for child care on PD days. She has too many children in her care to provide safe child care for our children. She doesn't take any more children on PD days you were aware of this when you made the decision to provide child care on PD days. So callling her like you suggested is not an option. Have a nice day!


    Kind regards,
    xxxxxxxx
    Here is my planned response.

    Dear XXXXXXX,

    As agreed I have arranged childcare for our children on this Friday's PD Day.

    Just to clarify, in your email you stated my Mom's work, that is not accurate the kids will be at XXXXX <my grandmothers> the whole day and are not going to work with my mom.

    I'm sorry you do not like my chosen childcare provider but it really is our only option. So you have three options

    1. Pick the kids up at XXXXXX <my grandmothers> after you are done work in Mississauga.
    2. Wait for my Mom to bring them to my house after she gets off work.
    3. Leave them with my Mom for the night as I have to Ref on Friday night.

    Please let me know which you have chosen so I can inform them of your intentions.

    Thanks

    Best Dad Ever.
    Suggestions.

  • #2
    Why don't you keep the children over night then?

    I think that her picking up the children at the grandmother sounds reasonable.

    If you don't want the kids overnight, I would correct her that the children will be at grandmothers and she can pick them up there any time.

    She sounds high conflict. The kids being at grandmothers is better than a daycare etc.

    Drop the 'Dear' crap - just start with 'hi'

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by billm View Post
      Why don't you keep the children over night then?

      I think that her picking up the children at the grandmother sounds reasonable.

      If you don't want the kids overnight, I would correct her that the children will be at grandmothers and she can pick them up there any time.

      Drop the 'Dear' crap - just start with 'hi'
      Her access weekend starts Friday after work. Because it was not my access weekend, I made myself available to referee hockey that night. I ref from 6:15 until 11:00 pm. I also work my "real" job from 8:30 - 4:30 on Friday

      I would have no issue keeping the kids overnight but I am not available. However, my mom is certainly willing to keep them overnight.

      I completely see this as her choice. I've done as I promised to do which was to find care for the children on a pd day.

      I'll drop the Dear: lol.

      Comment


      • #4
        I'd just keep them overnight, why go through the hassle? It was her suggestion. And if your mom is happy to have them overnight since you are unavailable, then go that route. I know my kids ALWAYS loved sleepovers with gramma - nothing better than ice cream waffle sandwiches for breakfast!

        Comment


        • #5
          FB:

          You don't have to get her approval on your choice of babysitter on days that you have access time. If she deems the children are in danger, she's free to call CAS...otherwise, her input isn't required.

          However, I would agree with her that it is your responsibility to have the children at the designated pick-up spot at the agreed upon time. My ex tried dropping my kid off all over town...even on days that I was available and offered to take her..and then would send me an email of where I could pick her up. I ended that pretty quickly. It sounds in your case like this isn't a regular event though so she's probably being unreasonable...she's very high conflict.

          Perhaps you could have the children dropped off by whomever is babysitting them to wait for your ex in your driveway.

          If that isn't an option, then by all means...arrange whatever childcare you must for the entire evening.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
            FB:

            You don't have to get her approval on your choice of babysitter on days that you have access time. If she deems the children are in danger, she's free to call CAS...otherwise, her input isn't required.

            However, I would agree with her that it is your responsibility to have the children at the designated pick-up spot at the agreed upon time. My ex tried dropping my kid off all over town...even on days that I was available and offered to take her..and then would send me an email of where I could pick her up. I ended that pretty quickly. It sounds in your case like this isn't a regular event though so she's probably being unreasonable...she's very high conflict.

            Perhaps you could have the children dropped off by whomever is babysitting them to wait for your ex in your driveway.

            If that isn't an option, then by all means...arrange whatever childcare you must for the entire evening.
            She wants them at my house at 2:45

            My mom works until 5 then has to drive across the city so 7 or 7:30 at the earliest.

            I work until 4:30 then I'm off to my second job.

            Comment


            • #7
              Ah yes, the PD Day saga. My parents used to help out my ex on PD Days and got some dedicated time with the kids, now they are not allowed and any time I ask for a PD Day even with being off work right now, she comes up with an excuse to leave them with an unpaid third party.

              The children want to spend more time with their Dad and I the same, but it's her time with the kids and she chooses for them to be with anyone other than myself or my parents.

              I wonder if my parents have a case in regards to grandparent rights?

              Comment


              • #8
                Sounds like you should just arrange for overnight care then per what Billm and Blink said.

                I'm sure once you send her the note saying so, you'll get a very angry, amusing response.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thanks everyone for your input.

                  I have responded similar to above giving her the three options.

                  I also stated if I don't hear back from her or she doesn't pick one of the options then option 3 will be what occurs and she can pick the kids up at hockey Saturday morning.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I have responded similar to above giving her the three options.
                    lol, can't wait to hear what the response is...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                      lol, can't wait to hear what the response is...
                      You don't have to wait long

                      Actually its not fair that the children stay with your mother on my access night! I have talked to my lawyer about this issue. You can't change the location of their pick up to bring convenience to you! I am getting quite sick of you changing things to meet your schedule. The children will remain with me on my access night. After talking with my lawyer and realizing I am not willing to give up my access night with my children its not fair to them especially since you won't be with them on friday night either! The children need to be at your house by my pick up time which will be 2:45 or 3:30 which ever can work into your scheule better. If they are not there you are in violation of my access weekend. I don't have to drive all the way to mississaugua to pick up the children for my access weekend. If you are unable to have the children at your house for my pick up time. You are responsible to have the children driven to me in orangeville! I am not waiting nor should be expected to remain in brampton until 7:00 pm when you are suggesting the children will be back at your house. We need to solve this matter immediately will you be bringing the children to orangeville friday night or will they be back at your house in a reasonable time before 3:30 to begin my access weekend!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Actually, FB, I kind of see her point. The problem with your situation is the distances involved between the 3 locations - your house, your mom's house, and the ex house.

                        On a regular access night, she picks up at your house, correct, as she works in that city? When she agreed to PD days at your mom's house, was it clear that your mother worked until 5-530?
                        Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by mcdreamy View Post
                          Actually, FB, I kind of see her point. The problem with your situation is the distances involved between the 3 locations - your house, your mom's house, and the ex house.

                          On a regular access night, she picks up at your house, correct, as she works in that city? When she agreed to PD days at your mom's house, was it clear that your mother worked until 5-530?
                          She picks the kids up at the school on a normal day.

                          She lives in Orangeville and works in Brampton

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            She is right on this. It is her night, and the regular pickup time is 2:45. However, as I've mentioned in other posts, being right and being reasonable aren't always the same thing.

                            I would respond to the ex that you've arranged child care that you believed to be in the kids best interests. If she doesn't agree, that she is free to come up with alternative child care in your vicinity that you will drop the kids off to and she can pickup. That such caregiver will need to be close enough for you to maintain your regular schedule with the kids.

                            Outside of that, you will have to drop them off. She shouldn't lose parenting time simply due to a PD day and vice versa when the situation arises on your parenting time.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Actually, FB, I kind of see her point. The problem with your situation is the distances involved between the 3 locations - your house, your mom's house, and the ex house.
                              As I stated earlier, my ex tried this stuff regularly. Would drop my kid off all over the place..even on days that I offered to babysit since I was off of work for the Canadian holiday (he works in the US)...he'd, of course, decline then send me a note of where I could pick my kid up. Sometimes it was completely inconvenient. I put a stop to this...I will only do pick-ups in front of his house.

                              However, this doesn't sound like a regular case...its a case of what happens during PD days only. So while she has a point, she's also being unreasonable. I find it amusing that she had to put a call into her lawyer to figure out that she wants her access time. Pathetic.

                              Anyway, your ex's job isn't to decimate what babysitting plans you come up with...its to help to provide reasonable care for the children. So if she doesn't like the solutions that you've provided her for child care...then guess what?...she needs to come up with one of her own. If you've exhausted all alternatives and truly can't figure something out here...ie, someone else to drive them to the pick-up location...leaving work for an hour to do it yourself...etc, etc...then she needs to figure out a solution that works for her. Its completely ridiculous that she simply states none of these works for me while she does nothing to provide care.

                              More importantly, going forward, you need to address PD days specifically in your parenting plan.

                              Comment

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