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  • #16
    I went next door talked to the babysitter. She has agreed to watch them for the pd day rate. Which I fine.

    I've replied to my ex saying the sitter is now watching the kids, no more problems, pick them up from her as you see fit.

    My mom has been our pd day sitter for years. This is nothing new. When we were together my ex would pick the kids up from there after school.

    I don't like arguing. I come up with alternatives and do whats best.

    It was simple and easy. Can't wait to see what she says now.

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    • #17
      While I agree it may be inconvenient for her, I think she's being ridiculous. It's one day. Deal with it.

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      • #18
        I'm a very solutions oriented person....probably why I'm a computer programmer. Anyway if it doesn't work fix it. Don't bitch about it. Bitching solves nothing.

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        • #19
          She's been on a conflict mission for a week now. I've said it before it's her cocaine. I've done very well at ignoring her. I wonder if it has anything to do with me signing the divorce papers last Wednesday.

          Would they be served on her?

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          • #20
            Originally posted by oink View Post
            Really....Pascal, C, C++, Java? This is becoming weirder and weirder FB_

            The similarities are scary...I worked for a few companies in the GTA doing this stuff as a Civilain

            So...have you thought about what you are getting her for Xmas?
            COBOL

            EDIT: If I said about the gift I might get myself in trouble.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by FB_ View Post
              So my ex and agreed early on that we would cut down the amount we use our sitter to save money.

              This involves her dropping the kids off to me in the morning which is fine.

              The only concern she had was on PD days we would have no care. We agreed that I would arrange care with my mom on all pd days.

              This Friday is a pd day. I have arranged for the kids to go to my moms. This morning she started going on about how she will be here to pick the kids up on Friday at 3:00. I told her that was not possible. I work till 4 and my mom works until 5:30. I told her she could go pick them up at my moms/my grandmothers (They live together in Mississauga). She said that was unacceptable.

              I received the following email after not answering her 12 phone calls.



              Here is my planned response.
              Dear XXXXXXX,

              As agreed I have arranged childcare for our children on this Friday's PD Day.

              Just to clarify, in your email you stated my Mom's work, that is not accurate the kids will be at XXXXX <my grandmothers> the whole day and are not going to work with my mom.

              I'm sorry you do not like my chosen childcare provider but it really is our only option. So you have three options

              1. Pick the kids up at XXXXXX <my grandmothers> after you are done work in Mississauga.
              2. Wait for my Mom to bring them to my house after she gets off work.
              3. Leave them with my Mom for the night as I have to Ref on Friday night.

              Please let me know which you have chosen so I can inform them of your intentions.

              Thanks

              Best Dad Ever.
              Suggestions.
              I guess it's a bit late now, but I will offer my suggestions anyway for help with future situations that may arise.

              Write it very collaboratively. I'm sure you tried hard, but you are still coming across kind of bossy and antagonistic.

              Maybe something like this:
              I have realized that Friday is the first PD day of the year, and we haven't got much time to figure out how we will handle it. We agreed to try to avoid using the babysitter to save money when possible and have them to go my mom's so they could spend the day with their great-grandmother. Unfortunately, that is going to cause issues with pickup for you as they won't be at my house at 2:45pm and I am reffing till 11pm that night.

              Here are some of the ways I think we can handle it:
              1. You could pick the kids up at my grandmother's after you are done work.
              2. You could wait for my Mom to bring them to my house after she gets off work.
              3. They could spend the night with my Mom.

              Do you have any other ideas, or a preference? I guess we have to rush through this one, and then figure out what to arrange for future PD days to avoid last minute scrambles like this.
              This acknowledges that you know it's a rush arrangement, that it isn't intended to set a precedent, that you clearly cannot be involved in the arrangements as you are working and invites her ideas instead of just forcing one of yours on her.
              Last edited by Rioe; 10-09-2013, 08:30 PM.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                I guess it's a bit late now, but I will offer my suggestions anyway for help with future situations that may arise.

                Write it very collaboratively. I'm sure you tried hard, but you are still coming across kind of bossy and antagonistic.

                Maybe something like this:
                This acknowledges that you know it's a rush arrangement, that it isn't intended to set a precedent, that you clearly cannot be involved in the arrangements as you are working and invites her ideas instead of just forcing one of yours on her.
                I have tried this method many times. It does not work. She cannot and will not make decisions. She will just tell me to figure it out. So when it became clear she was not interested in any of those options. I did exactly what our agreement said, which is for the childcare provider to provide the care. End of discussion. The funny thing was I gave her that suggestion in person when she dropped the kids off and she said the sitter couldn't watch them an also confirmed that in the email. I walked next door asked her if it was an issue. She said she had bought crafts for all the kids to do on that day and wasn't expecting our kids. She said she could go grab some more supplies and watch the kids.

                The whole point of this is she found something to argue over, took full advantage of it. I have zero problems being flexible but I know that I have the agreement to fall back on, which is exactly what I did. End of the conflict.

                Comment

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