Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 07-12-2010, 02:05 AM
Underdog Underdog is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 107
Underdog is on a distinguished road
Default High conflict in Custody Cases

It's not out of the ordinary to expect high conflict in Family court, but how much weight does a judge put on the fact that parents have a hard time communicating when trying to rule for or against joint custody ?

My daughter is living with my ex but we have yet to reach any kind of agreement. She constantly claims that we can't communicate and blows everything out of proportion, she also makes decisions regarding our daughter without consulting me, all for the obvious reason of gaining sole custody.... If I take her to court, will I be fighting an uphill losing battle on the basis that my ex has been caring for our daughter more than I and that we can't communicate ?
  #2  
Old 07-12-2010, 02:13 AM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,943
logicalvelocity has a spectacular aura aboutlogicalvelocity has a spectacular aura aboutlogicalvelocity has a spectacular aura about
Send a message via Yahoo to logicalvelocity
Default

Do you think that they might be deliberately trying to push your buttons by not consulting you? I'd be upset too. I think I would start reasonable communication in writing to show it's them that is not communicating.
  #3  
Old 07-12-2010, 02:30 AM
Underdog Underdog is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 107
Underdog is on a distinguished road
Default

Hello Logicalvelocity,

I asked for the reason why she only informed me that she is putting our 14 month old in a daycare the day before. No answer.

I research that daycare and found that the lady that runs it was not certified or had any formal education in the subject, just a stay at home mom that decided to run a daycare business. Asked for both of us to look for a suitable daycare until I move close to her area and take on the responsibilities of caring for our daughter (3 days a week), she refused.

After many settlement offers, she sends me one (without prejudice) that basically states she should have sole custody and that I will be paying my portion of the daycare expenses...

So yes, she is absolutely pushing my buttons...

The question is, if I don't do anything about this will my request for joint custody be weak ? or is it already weak by the fact that my daughter lives with an ex that doesn't want to communicate ?
  #4  
Old 07-12-2010, 02:58 AM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,943
logicalvelocity has a spectacular aura aboutlogicalvelocity has a spectacular aura aboutlogicalvelocity has a spectacular aura about
Send a message via Yahoo to logicalvelocity
Default

The question is, if I don't do anything about this will my request for joint custody be weak ? or is it already weak by the fact that my daughter lives with an ex that doesn't want to communicate ?

If you don't do anything, I think your position will diminish. I was in a similar situation which they alleged no historical communication and or co-operation. Fortunately, I did do something about it by way of resorting to communication in writing to them and to their lawyer. Many denials of information and contact occurred. Some was just plain mean spirited. Many decisions concerning our child were made without any of my input or knowledge. However thats water under the bridge. At the end of the day, the overwhelming written communication spoke for itself and I think the Judge actually listened to what I had to say. The outcome was joint custody.

How is it working to the benefit of our child now - wonderful. Strangely, we seldom communicate in writing anymore now as parents but actually have one on one respectable conversations.
  #5  
Old 07-12-2010, 02:59 AM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,943
logicalvelocity has a spectacular aura aboutlogicalvelocity has a spectacular aura aboutlogicalvelocity has a spectacular aura about
Send a message via Yahoo to logicalvelocity
Default

Quote:
The question is, if I don't do anything about this will my request for joint custody be weak ? or is it already weak by the fact that my daughter lives with an ex that doesn't want to communicate ?
If you don't do anything, I think your position will diminish. I was in a similar situation which they alleged no historical communication and or co-operation. Fortunately, I did do something about it by way of resorting to communication in writing to them and to their lawyer. Many denials of information and contact occurred. Some was just plain mean spirited. Many decisions concerning our child were made without any of my input or knowledge. However thats water under the bridge. At the end of the day, the overwhelming written communication spoke for itself and I think the Judge actually listened to what I had to say. The outcome was joint custody.

How is it working to the benefit of our child now - wonderful. Strangely, we seldom communicate in writing anymore now as parents but actually have one on one respectable conversations.
  #6  
Old 07-12-2010, 07:35 AM
Underdog Underdog is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 107
Underdog is on a distinguished road
Default

A statistic that is quoted often in this forum is that women get custody of kids in 90% of cases, especially when children are at a young age.

Would you say that you were lucky that the judge listened to you? That you were one of the few that succeeded?



(hmmm.... Come to think of it, if I don't act, the outcome will be the same - Sole Custody to her... At least if act I will have some chance regardless of how small it is...)
  #7  
Old 07-12-2010, 07:46 AM
Nadia Nadia is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 702
Nadia is on a distinguished road
Default

What you have here certainly does not sound like high conflict. Your ex is trying to make out there is no communication between the parties. But that does not amount to "high conflict."

Just because the parties are unable to communicate does not mean there is high conflict. The court will simply make your ex communicate.

If I was you, I would research some parenting sessions that you and your ex can attend. Families in Transition in Toronto offers great programs in how to support your child post Divorce. ROCK in Halton does the same. I think they also offer programs on how to communicate with ex post-divorce etc. If you can show that you are really committed to figuring out a way to communicate so that you can work together and make decisions jointly for your child that will put you in a good position. If your ex refuses, you should go ahead and attend by yourself.

You should also make sure you establish direct contact with all the health/educational professionals in your child's life. Regular contact is important so that you can demonstrate that you are just as involved as your ex.

Maintain communication via email so that there is written evidence. Even if your ex does not respond. Keep asking questions about the issues that affect your child. Any medical appointments, development, diet etc.


Sole custody should be the rare exception. The court should assume that it is in the child's best interest to have both parents jointly awarded custody.

The onus should be on your ex to provide evidence on how "joint custody" can not work.


I hope that this helps,
  #8  
Old 07-12-2010, 08:13 AM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,943
logicalvelocity has a spectacular aura aboutlogicalvelocity has a spectacular aura aboutlogicalvelocity has a spectacular aura about
Send a message via Yahoo to logicalvelocity
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Underdog View Post
A statistic that is quoted often in this forum is that women get custody of kids in 90% of cases, especially when children are at a young age.

Would you say that you were lucky that the judge listened to you? That you were one of the few that succeeded?



(hmmm.... Come to think of it, if I don't act, the outcome will be the same - Sole Custody to her... At least if act I will have some chance regardless of how small it is...)
Hello Underdog,

I think I was fortunate for the sake of our child that the Judge listened to me considering the prevailing Judge and their reputation -- My method was a success for me -- it may not be for you.

One thing about statistics is that they change and many cases are not reported or published. With much excluded, How can they be deemed to be accurate?

I don't know what your outcome will be but I do think if you sit around and do nothing it would acquired consent.
  #9  
Old 07-12-2010, 08:15 AM
Underdog Underdog is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 107
Underdog is on a distinguished road
Default

Great Nadia... I will seek the services of ROCK as they are local to me, as well as take my ex to court for joint custody at the same time.

Stats do change all the time, you're absolutely right Logicalvelocity, and in Family law they do seem to be changing to more equality between the sexes, and more involvement of child development experts who promote such equality for the best interest of the children, as you have noted in previous threads. Lets hope my judge is open to new trends in Family law.
  #10  
Old 07-12-2010, 08:38 AM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,943
logicalvelocity has a spectacular aura aboutlogicalvelocity has a spectacular aura aboutlogicalvelocity has a spectacular aura about
Send a message via Yahoo to logicalvelocity
Thumbs up

Yes, let's hope. Good Luck.
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
The Best Interests of Children: An Evidence- Based Approach WorkingDAD Divorce & Family Law 13 01-12-2013 09:15 PM
Joint Physical Custody: Smart Solution or Problematic Plan? WorkingDAD Parenting Issues 19 09-17-2012 06:38 AM
Toward the differentiation of high-conflict families: An analysis of social science WorkingDAD Parenting Issues 0 05-02-2011 02:25 PM
Joint custody - questions & answers (US) first timer Parenting Issues 0 03-20-2011 12:07 AM
Custody Disputed Decent Dad Political Issues 2 06-26-2006 09:05 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:19 AM.