Hey all,
So I have shared custody of my seven year old son, was never married to his mother and did not live with her when he was born, have always been present and a big part of his life, and have always struggled for more time with him. We were separated before his birth, but always maintained a friendly cooperation of parenting, and would spend time together nearly daily for his first five years. When he was old enough for school, she declared that she was moving towns, I was going to have him every second weekend, and it was not up for discussion or mediation. I took her to court and we agreed outside of court to mediate about it. A year ago, after a year and half of failed mediation and imminent trial, with my time having been cut back to every second weekend, she finally agreed to ten days a month with me. That is, ten days out of four weeks. We split holidays, which add up to roughly three months, or 90 days, per year. The way I do the math, that puts me at 142 days, or 39 point something percent.
I've recently written to her requesting that we move to a half time scenario, week on, week off, that it is simpler, more balanced, and fewer transitions for our son (we currently go every Thursday and every second weekend from Thursday after school through Monday morning). She flatly refused, without explanation (as is her style), I told her I would be talking to a mediator (as per our agreement), and she said "you have to do what you have to do".
The way I see it, is that she refuses to go to half time because she would compromise her child support payments, which she receives every month, table amount of $372/month. From my reading, it seems like this is a very common sticking point for time sharing issues, because a day or two can mean the difference of several hundred dollars per month. My understanding is that the standard for 40/60% or more is offsetting table amounts for child support, and our incomes are fairly similar, but I would likely still pay her some amount. She pays all his extra costs (school supplies, dental - though she may have a plan, activities, etc.) but I still have regular daily costs as well as clothing, recreation costs, toys and equipment. I would rather just split his extra costs and deal with his daily costs ourselves. Essentially how I see it is that I am covering most of his costs for her, as well as paying for my part. It's really not about the money for me, but it seems to me that it is affecting how she wants to share the time. She refuses to discuss either the child support or the time sharing, though we do have a agreement to seek mediation, which I am hoping she will follow through with. I really don't want to go to court, but it is the only way she will negotiate with me, if she sees that I am serious about it. She stonewalled me at three other mediation attempts, so I don't have much faith in that process. I've thought about settling with things as they are if she agrees to pay for post-secondary education, I don't really know how this is usually handled??
Any advice?? Thanks in advance!!
So I have shared custody of my seven year old son, was never married to his mother and did not live with her when he was born, have always been present and a big part of his life, and have always struggled for more time with him. We were separated before his birth, but always maintained a friendly cooperation of parenting, and would spend time together nearly daily for his first five years. When he was old enough for school, she declared that she was moving towns, I was going to have him every second weekend, and it was not up for discussion or mediation. I took her to court and we agreed outside of court to mediate about it. A year ago, after a year and half of failed mediation and imminent trial, with my time having been cut back to every second weekend, she finally agreed to ten days a month with me. That is, ten days out of four weeks. We split holidays, which add up to roughly three months, or 90 days, per year. The way I do the math, that puts me at 142 days, or 39 point something percent.
I've recently written to her requesting that we move to a half time scenario, week on, week off, that it is simpler, more balanced, and fewer transitions for our son (we currently go every Thursday and every second weekend from Thursday after school through Monday morning). She flatly refused, without explanation (as is her style), I told her I would be talking to a mediator (as per our agreement), and she said "you have to do what you have to do".
The way I see it, is that she refuses to go to half time because she would compromise her child support payments, which she receives every month, table amount of $372/month. From my reading, it seems like this is a very common sticking point for time sharing issues, because a day or two can mean the difference of several hundred dollars per month. My understanding is that the standard for 40/60% or more is offsetting table amounts for child support, and our incomes are fairly similar, but I would likely still pay her some amount. She pays all his extra costs (school supplies, dental - though she may have a plan, activities, etc.) but I still have regular daily costs as well as clothing, recreation costs, toys and equipment. I would rather just split his extra costs and deal with his daily costs ourselves. Essentially how I see it is that I am covering most of his costs for her, as well as paying for my part. It's really not about the money for me, but it seems to me that it is affecting how she wants to share the time. She refuses to discuss either the child support or the time sharing, though we do have a agreement to seek mediation, which I am hoping she will follow through with. I really don't want to go to court, but it is the only way she will negotiate with me, if she sees that I am serious about it. She stonewalled me at three other mediation attempts, so I don't have much faith in that process. I've thought about settling with things as they are if she agrees to pay for post-secondary education, I don't really know how this is usually handled??
Any advice?? Thanks in advance!!
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