For the Sake of the Children - Marathon of Hope

[representingself]

Now this is a person, who is actually doing something to call attention to the unjust family law system in this country and he needs our support!!!

Please take a moment to look at his website and sign the petition, (and maybe even run by his side when he is in your area!!)

On June 1st, 2010, Dave Nash will attempt to break the Guinness World Record for the Fastest Crossing of Canada on Foot (Male).

He is attempting to break the World Record for the Fastest Crossing of Canada on Foot to help get your support as a Canadian Citizen, for an Equal Shared Parenting Private Members Bill, Bill C-422, that was introduced before Parliament on June 16th, 2009, by MP, Maurice Vellacott of Saskatoon.

"I am running across Canada in protest of the current system, and in protest of the Canadian Governments refusal to do the right thing, and reform the Divorce Act for the sake of our children".

He is currently in SK... and running at this very moment.... Check out his website, petition, FB page....

http://www.crosscanadarun4thechildren.com/

http://www.petitiononline.com/killian/petition.html

[susiecanoe]

I admire what he is doing, but I will never support a guaranteed imposing of equal shared parenting. I believe children do require equal access to both parents, but shared parenting only works if the couple can communicate and agree, otherwise, it is quagmire of more conflict the children get caught in the middle of. No laws or court orders can enforce that parents cooperate, so when you have high conflict cases where one parent uses the shared parenting arrangement to sabotage the other parent, the kids end up getting hurt far more then they would if one parent had the primary care and control. That one parent could be a mother or a father, but whoever it is they must be totally committed to ensuring the best interests of the children are maintained, that the children have access to both parents and that no sabotaging of the other parent be tolerated or condoned. Sorry, you won't get my vote for an imposed equal shared parenting until there are some safeguards in place to protect children from hostile aggressive parenting tactics often used in such parenting agreements. Been there, done that, my kids are paying a high price for it.

[LostFather]

Now this is a person, who is actually doing something to call attention to the unjust family law system in this country and he needs our support!!!

Please take a moment to look at his website and sign the petition, (and maybe even run by his side when he is in your area!!)

On June 1st, 2010, Dave Nash will attempt to break the Guinness World Record for the Fastest Crossing of Canada on Foot (Male).

He is attempting to break the World Record for the Fastest Crossing of Canada on Foot to help get your support as a Canadian Citizen, for an Equal Shared Parenting Private Members Bill, Bill C-422, that was introduced before Parliament on June 16th, 2009, by MP, Maurice Vellacott of Saskatoon.

"I am running across Canada in protest of the current system, and in protest of the Canadian Governments refusal to do the right thing, and reform the Divorce Act for the sake of our children".

He is currently in SK... and running at this very moment.... Check out his website, petition, FB page....

http://www.crosscanadarun4thechildren.com/

http://www.petitiononline.com/killian/petition.html

I've sent many emails and signed the petitions, we need to find other ways that we can help and not let Dave fight this battle on his own.

[LostFather]

I admire what he is doing, but I will never support a guaranteed imposing of equal shared parenting. I believe children do require equal access to both parents, but shared parenting only works if the couple can communicate and agree, otherwise, it is quagmire of more conflict the children get caught in the middle of. No laws or court orders can enforce that parents cooperate, so when you have high conflict cases where one parent uses the shared parenting arrangement to sabotage the other parent, the kids end up getting hurt far more then they would if one parent had the primary care and control. That one parent could be a mother or a father, but whoever it is they must be totally committed to ensuring the best interests of the children are maintained, that the children have access to both parents and that no sabotaging of the other parent be tolerated or condoned. Sorry, you won't get my vote for an imposed equal shared parenting until there are some safeguards in place to protect children from hostile aggressive parenting tactics often used in such parenting agreements. Been there, done that, my kids are paying a high price for it.

But that is the whole problem and a tactic of parents that want sole custody! Make it as impossible as they can to work with the other parent, and then whine to the court that the parents can't get along so joint custody won't work.. And I hate to say it but if the shoe fits, it's usually mothers, and it's a tactic of gaining sole custody period!

[blinkandimgone]

And I hate to say it but if the shoe fits....

I suppose that all depends on how big your mouth is. Open mouth, insert foot.

[susiecanoe]

What is that supposed to mean? Open mouth, insert foot? I am entitled to my opinion. In fact I pushed for shared parenting only to have it backfire when I could not even get my ex to agree to counselling for my kids. This forum is an avenue to express our own thoughts and our own experiences.

[susiecanoe]

And, I never said I thought sole custody was the answer. I did however state that there must be something that ensures the parents will cooperate in the best interests of the children. Be careful what you imply without all of the facts. This is not about mothers versus fathers, it is about what is best for the children. If shared parenting means that one parent can withhold agreement out of spite, tell me how that serves the children?

[baldclub]

I did

It is very important for me, this means a lot. I never, ever thought my ex would pull some of the stuff to get sole custody as she is doing now. I know parenting is a dual responsibility and I want to keep being the great father I have been, within a fair system where the priority are the kids.

What Dave Nash is doing is amazing. For the first time for me, I sent a petition link to everyone I knew.

[blinkandimgone]

What is that supposed to mean? Open mouth, insert foot? I am entitled to my opinion. In fact I pushed for shared parenting only to have it backfire when I could not even get my ex to agree to counselling for my kids. This forum is an avenue to express our own thoughts and our own experiences.

You're 'entitled' to whatever you want, express away. The person whose post I quoted did, as did I in my response. I don't require the 'facts' of your particular situation to respond to another poster. Thanks, though.

[LostFather]

I suppose that all depends on how big your mouth is. Open mouth, insert foot.

Ummm, I don't think so, it's no secret, it's fathers (vast majority) that do not have custody or equal access, and it's no secrete either and a commonly used tactic if it can be shown that the parents can't get along, even if its one person, then custody goes to mom. Show me wrong, and I'd be happy to admit it, otherwise, I'll call it how I see it, and lived it.

[Elvis]

What happens if you prove to the court that 1 parent avoids being cooperative on purpose?

[Elvis]

Let me rephrase this question because my ex communication with me has come to minimum compared to until a few months ago when she would call and even come for coffee, and I know she thinks she is in the driver's seat and will make a major decision for the child despite what I think. (She don't call first anymore unless she needs to, she hid her cell # from me, when I call she makes the calls short, but I know her family makes an impact on her, however the weird thing is every time she sees me when she is alone she hugs me, sometimes kiss in the cheek) "Yes weird but her mom holds the strings". Anyway,

I wonder what would happen if a parent who is proven in court to cause conflict and lack of cooperation for his/her own benefit but not for the BIC, especially if the cooperation and communication was good in the past, how would a judge react?

[Elvis]

Ummm, I don't think so, it's no secret, it's fathers (vast majority) that do not have custody or equal access, and it's no secrete either and a commonly used tactic if it can be shown that the parents can't get along, even if its one person, then custody goes to mom. Show me wrong, and I'd be happy to admit it, otherwise, I'll call it how I see it, and lived it.

In some cases, if both parents are proved to be fit and caring, a parallel parenting may be ordered. At least until the "bad" parent cools off.

[LostFather]

What happens if you prove to the court that 1 parent avoids being cooperative on purpose?

Yeah, it can be done, I've heard of it being done....but do it. My ex switched 8-10 different daycare providers, all of which she did not consult, and many times would not tell me, so I would show up at the current provider to pick up my children, no children. I would have to make phone calls or ask the last daycare provider if they knew here my children were. My ex admitted to this practice at trial, the judge did not bat an eye.

Going away for a week at a time and stick the children with a babysitter or acquaintances, anyone other than me, oh and I would not know of my children's whereabouts. This she admitted to. Judge says nothing about it.

Then when finally on one specific year (because she went away for either business or personal or reasons) we proved that I had the children almost 45% of the time, then she reverted to babysitters. When crossed by my lawyer, her quote was "yeah, and I made sure that doesn't happen again"

This was in reference to me having the children almost 50% of the time, and that if I was to gain 50% access she would lose her CS payments; she makes 10-15K more a year more a year than I do. She would stick the children in hotels and let staff "check in on them from time to time".

The court ordered telephone access, she would not let me speak to the children 10 out of 25 phone calls, many weeks I would go a week at a time with no contact with my children (I know there are worse cases out there) but to me it was disturbing that someone would withhold access whether it be by phone or other.

Anyway, this all went ignored by the judge. Oh, and all of these issues started at onset of separation. No history before. Her layer stated 1 month into separation "the parties can not get alone so joint custody will not work". My lawyer told me this a a comon tactic used by mothers wanting joint custody. His words not mine.

This is just the tip of the iceberg of issues raised.

[LostFather]

In some cases, if both parents are proved to be fit and caring, a parallel parenting may be ordered. At least until the "bad" parent cools off.

OCL recommended Parallel Parenting, joint custody, equal access. the judge ignored it.