I am not sure how many people are still reading this subgroup, but I am looking for opinions for my family situation. My ex has left apt with our 3 kids, initially for a short vacation, to never come back, 3 years later. I've asked family members, cousins, brothers to persuade her to come back; I traveled to our home country to go see her parent, asking them for their cooperation, but nothing has changed her mind; she never came back! I will have to say that I wasn't perfect in our marriage, I made lot of mistakes, trying to control her life from ignorant point of views....I worked on myself to better version of myself, which I am sure still have tons on work in that area.
Back to the present, the kids is growing and she seems to be struggling to look after them. They also are not able to stop asking about me, even though we speak on facetime every night, doing homework, or talking about what we will do next when I am there. (they live in the US, and I am here in Canada). Recently I have even decided to look for a job there, but immigration is a hurdle in my case...anyway that is still in process.
We have talked about divorce a lot, at the height of the conflict, in the sense that we must get over our relationship since we are so incompatible, but we never started the process, partially because I was away for some time. Later, I starting thinking about filing for separation, instead hoping that I might custody, which could be faster. But she has always reiterated that she will not be separated from HER kids...
Now, when we speak I can feel that she listens more now, and that she is considerate toward me and my suggestions when we talk about kids. She has started asking where we are and I feel conflicted....I want to remain in touch with the kids, maybe even continue to ask her for more time with them, but I feel like I don't want to spend the rest of my life with her anymore. The last 10 years has been just fight, long distance relationship, constant moving country to country, huge expense here and there, messing everything that someone of my age could generally take for granted...
Probably I am afraid of moving again, or maybe because I am just avoiding my responsibilities...If you feel any of these, please let me know....
Often I wonder what if she has changed, and that I also have changed, but this same transformation has made me realized that she actually might not be the best person for me, for the life of people I care about, such as my kids...and for her own sanity because of our differences in how we see life?
You might already realize we most likely have started on the wrong foot. I agree, but we try to make it work (I believe). I think the kids will keep asking, and that she might want me to move there...But what do you think I should do? What similar situation have you, or maybe a friend, experienced?
In addition to that, what if I have met someone who sort of see me as who am, and likes me I despite all the challenges that I am facing now in my life....I don't know if she(ex) is dating anyone, but I felt pretty awkward about dating until I met this person 7 months ago....How would that affect my options? I have exited other relationship opportunities in the past because I feel unable to tell the other person my situation, because of how it might impact them...I am not sure if I should pursuit this as a new chance to be a better person or move to a new city at 42 with huge financial liabilities.
How do you see it?
Back to the present, the kids is growing and she seems to be struggling to look after them. They also are not able to stop asking about me, even though we speak on facetime every night, doing homework, or talking about what we will do next when I am there. (they live in the US, and I am here in Canada). Recently I have even decided to look for a job there, but immigration is a hurdle in my case...anyway that is still in process.
We have talked about divorce a lot, at the height of the conflict, in the sense that we must get over our relationship since we are so incompatible, but we never started the process, partially because I was away for some time. Later, I starting thinking about filing for separation, instead hoping that I might custody, which could be faster. But she has always reiterated that she will not be separated from HER kids...
Now, when we speak I can feel that she listens more now, and that she is considerate toward me and my suggestions when we talk about kids. She has started asking where we are and I feel conflicted....I want to remain in touch with the kids, maybe even continue to ask her for more time with them, but I feel like I don't want to spend the rest of my life with her anymore. The last 10 years has been just fight, long distance relationship, constant moving country to country, huge expense here and there, messing everything that someone of my age could generally take for granted...
Probably I am afraid of moving again, or maybe because I am just avoiding my responsibilities...If you feel any of these, please let me know....
Often I wonder what if she has changed, and that I also have changed, but this same transformation has made me realized that she actually might not be the best person for me, for the life of people I care about, such as my kids...and for her own sanity because of our differences in how we see life?
You might already realize we most likely have started on the wrong foot. I agree, but we try to make it work (I believe). I think the kids will keep asking, and that she might want me to move there...But what do you think I should do? What similar situation have you, or maybe a friend, experienced?
In addition to that, what if I have met someone who sort of see me as who am, and likes me I despite all the challenges that I am facing now in my life....I don't know if she(ex) is dating anyone, but I felt pretty awkward about dating until I met this person 7 months ago....How would that affect my options? I have exited other relationship opportunities in the past because I feel unable to tell the other person my situation, because of how it might impact them...I am not sure if I should pursuit this as a new chance to be a better person or move to a new city at 42 with huge financial liabilities.
How do you see it?
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