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  • Spiritual Divorce

    The Seven Spiritual Laws of Divorce:

    Spiritual Divorce - Beliefnet.com
    I found this article to be very helpful in dealing with the vulnerability and sense of loss associated with the divorce process.



    The Seven Spiritual Laws of Divorce
    (go to website for in depth version)

    It is important to know that the breakdown of your relationship is for a greater purpose. Understanding some of the basic spiritual laws of the Universe will help you to discover that there is a reason you're going through this pain. These laws will guide you through the process of healing and bring you back to a place deep inside that is filled with wisdom, knowledge, and compassion for the human experience.

    1= The Law of Acceptance: everything is as it should be.

    2= The Law of Surrender: When we stop resisting and surrender to the situation exactly as it is, things begin to change.

    3= The Law of Divine Guidance: God will do for you what you cannot do for yourself.

    4 = The Law of Responsibility: With divine guidance, we can look at exactly how we participated in and co-created our divorce drama.

    5 = The Law of Choice: Having taken responsibility, we can choose new interpretations that empower us.

    6 = The Law of Forgiveness: After we have cut the karmic cord, we will be able to ask God to forgive us.

    7 = The Law of Creation: Experiencing the freedom of forgiveness opens up the gates to new realities.

  • #2
    for me forgiveness was a very big step in recovering from divorce

    thanks for the post

    Comment


    • #3
      I'm still working on the forgiveness part towards the Ex and myself. I won't allow bitterness to poison my life so I keep reminding myself that he's crazy and that's all there is to it! It may be a simplification but it's my story and I'm sticking to it.

      Comment


      • #4
        I read one of the late Debbie Ford's books, "Spiritual Divorce" shortly after separating. I could barely relate. As I recall, she was married for 7 years, had no children, and divorced because she and her husband didn't get along.

        I agree that separation and divorce should not leave one bitter and one should learn for the experience. I have done that and find life so much better and peaceful after separating. Before separating, I was married to an extremely angry man who severely abused me, physically, mentally and emotionally. We were married for 42 years before separating.

        Back to the book...I found it maudlin and overly sentimental. Her advice had a mystical and touchy-feely tone to it. Although the basic premise was good, the author made it sound like if you did not forgive and go about your life similar to what she had done, there was something wrong with you. I would not recommend this book. It was one of the worst books I have ever read on separation/divorce, and I've read "tons".

        Comment


        • #5
          I'll forgive him once he decides to fuck the fuck off and leave me the fuck alone.

          Er....too strong?

          Just kidding. I forgave him a very long time ago for not being the partner I needed him to be. I don't believe I ever shared that with him, but it wasn't something I did for him anyways

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          • #6
            Yes, I believe forgiveness is something you do for ourself. I've done that but now and then I admit to some anger, but nowhere near as strong as in the early days!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by oink View Post
              So saying "fuck" "fuck" "fuck" on a public forum is not crass / impolite / vulgar then, and perhaps allowed on here..perhaps it's just that ol separate rules thing
              You are such a victim! How do you cope?

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                I'll forgive him once he decides to fuck the fuck off and leave me the fuck alone.

                Er....too strong?

                Just kidding. I forgave him a very long time ago for not being the partner I needed him to be. I don't believe I ever shared that with him, but it wasn't something I did for him anyways
                I'm not claiming to be Zen about any of this, I'm just 'trying' to be lol! I also have my I'll forgive him once he decides to fuck the fuck off and leave me the fuck alone moments every now and then!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Humour helps, a lot I've been perfecting my sarcastic side

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                    I'll forgive him once he decides to fuck the fuck off and leave me the fuck alone.
                    I second that.

                    How does one know if you've forgiven the ex? I haven't really thought about it. Maybe I need too.

                    How do you forgive someone when they're a constantly a dick? Do you forgive them for being a dick during the relationship and just try to ignore the new constant dickness? Or do you forgive them for each and every dick move as it occurs?

                    Not trying to be silly here - genuinely considering how this would work.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by HappyMomma View Post
                      I second that.

                      How does one know if you've forgiven the ex? I haven't really thought about it. Maybe I need too.

                      How do you forgive someone when they're a constantly a dick? Do you forgive them for being a dick during the relationship and just try to ignore the new constant dickness? Or do you forgive them for each and every dick move as it occurs?

                      Not trying to be silly here - genuinely considering how this would work.
                      My ex told me she forgave me at one point and then waited for me to return the favour, which I did to keep peace. But her later actions showed otherwise. She was as deceptive and slippery as ever.

                      I think forgiveness comes by acknowledging that we are all human and imperfect, and at times we get caught up in things and emotions rule instead of logic. I can forgive because I can acknowledge that both of us were responsible for the relationship, both of us played a role in its demise, neither of us were blameless. It is much easier to forgive when both parties have come to that point and both take responsibility, but it isn't absolutely necessary.

                      Forgiveness takes a great weight off your shoulders. It is at the same time selfless and selfish. And it is the key to moving forward with your life, because until you can forgive, you aren't finished with that relationship, and you can't devote yourself to a new one with all your heart.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by oink View Post
                        Oldest trick in the book, can't belive you didn't see that coming DTD? You got pawnd bruv'er
                        Of course I saw it coming. It was entirely consistent with her behaviour over many years, and she is mentally ill. But the issues she messed me up with were ones she had control over anyway.

                        1) Proceeds of the house - as the sole income earner (not willingly) all the debts were in my name, and I asked for the money to be split 50/50 upon close so I could pay off the debts. She agreed in email, then two days before close, the RE lawyer informed me it would be held in trust as per her instructions. She then stated it would stay in trust until we had a signed agreement(something we had been working on for 9 months). But really either party can direct the lawyer to do that, there is nothing to stop them. I didn't expect that, but I did expect tricks, and pressure to concede some items on the SA.

                        2) FRO. The agreement stated that we would not use FRO unless I was in arrears by 60 days. Two weeks after the agreement was signed, she sent it to FRO(where it took them 90 days to contact me). With someone that tricky, it might actually be better to be with FRO - it seemed to have helped when my son moved out of her place and in with me that FRO called her, found her unco-operative and ruled for me in the space of 6 weeks, probably faster than the courts would have. Again, if one party submits to FRO, there is nothing the other party can do to stop it.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by HappyMomma View Post
                          I second that.

                          How does one know if you've forgiven the ex? I haven't really thought about it. Maybe I need too.

                          How do you forgive someone when they're a constantly a dick? Do you forgive them for being a dick during the relationship and just try to ignore the new constant dickness? Or do you forgive them for each and every dick move as it occurs?

                          Not trying to be silly here - genuinely considering how this would work.
                          It took me awhile to learn this, but when I did, my focus changed from having almost obsessive thoughts about his horrendous abuse to just letting go of the past. If I give energy to the past and keep alive the all hurtful things, it simply weakens whatever resolve I have to work towards a better future. Maybe this means I have forgiven him.

                          I let go. It was one of the most freeing things that ever happened. To let go of the past also meant to let go of striving to be "perfect", which meant letting go of trivial details that were hindering the present.

                          So even though he throws some really nasty stuff at me, I have learned to deal with them differently, with less emotion and more practicality.
                          Last edited by caranna; 11-05-2013, 12:28 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by oink View Post
                            I personally think we should start naming and shaming these crazies, so that someone else doesn't fall to their antics

                            Talk about being a calculating xxxxxx. It will always be better to deal 3rd parties and financial institutions, than we an EX who is loco about money
                            Well I wouldn't name her and shame her, it might not be in my best interests, as she is engaged, and that might hinder her upcoming nuptuals.

                            There is the slightest possiblity that she may have decided to turn over a new leaf with the new guy, so who am I to say anything. I wouldn't lie to him, but I wouldn't share anything either, if it ever came up.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by caranna View Post
                              .

                              So even though he throws some really nasty stuff at me, I have learned to deal with them differently, with less emotion and more practicality.
                              I've learned to expect nastyness, lies and BS from my ex and so has my lawyer. In the beginning I was very upset at not having the benefit of mediation - now I'm thankful for it. Zero contact means zero chance of him playing with my nerves.

                              If by some miracle of fate, he does a 360 and starts behaving in an honorable straightforward way, THAT would be a shock to me

                              Comment

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