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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 07-08-2019, 09:25 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Default What's the deal with private school?

Offers being volleyed. Ex said he's willing to agree to sole custody, with a number of restrictions (side note- why the fuck can't his lawyer explain what sole custody means to him???)

In his offer he has requested consent for any school that costs over $1k a year....this would mean that I would have to go back and get his consent to keep her at her montessori this year and next.

I want to keep her at the montessori for kindergarten, as she's going through her allergy OIT treatment because of the smaller class sizes + her teachers that watch her like hawks (reduces chances of severe reactions). But I get that she could be going to public school...so I'm thinking- no need for consent from him, but I agree that I would need consent if I expected him to contribute his proportionate share?

Anyone know if private schools are section 7? If they are- wouldn't the same rule apply as other section 7s? I would need his consent to claim to ask for his proportionate share of the expense. I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is asking for his consent to enroll her in the first place.

If I have sole custody- I get that it's not fair for me to unilaterally decide on that expense...so I was thinking of just saying that if I decide on private school- I cover tuition completely. On the other hand- it seems stupid to just say he doesn't have to pay at all.

We agreed prior to separation that if we could afford it- we would like her to attend private/all girls school. If we were together- this would be the path we'd be taking for her education. But I know what someone is going to say "circumstances change, etc etc etc...."

Suggestions?
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Old 07-08-2019, 09:51 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Simply counter with consent for section 7 expenses.

You could also counter that she stay in Montessori until grade 1 at your cost.

What about having an item in that in the event of an impasse on education and medical you get final decision making.
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Old 07-08-2019, 10:00 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Simply counter with consent for section 7 expenses.
good suggestion. I will do that. It's my standard practice now to ask him before enrolling her in any activities. Which, I mean, she's 3- it's just swimming for now. But I'd like to start her in ballet or hip-hop (her requests- she wants to do both) in the fall. I've offered to split the activities with him- one of his choosing- he gets to take her (not necessarily on his time- whenever works with his schedule)- and one of my choosing on my time (not his).

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You could also counter that she stay in Montessori until grade 1 at your cost.

What about having an item in that in the event of an impasse on education and medical you get final decision making.
Thanks I will include that offer in my reply offer.


Here's what I've offered on health + education:

Sole custody + I must consult on any major medical decisions and school enrollment. Enrollment must stay in region unless consent is obtained (e.g. no boarding schools). Medical decisions include OIT and ongoing use of topical treatments for eczema. If we disagree- we agree to seek input from our parental coordinator (our current co-parent counsellor). If no resolution can be reached- I have final decision-making authority.
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Old 07-08-2019, 10:12 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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My husbands agreement says something about how she will consult with him on education, medical and religion but in the event of an impasse she will have final decision making authority. It also had something about her making day to day decisions. The section seven stuff listed what they were in for that year and then future stuff would require agreement in writing. In the end, she made all decisions and tried after to claim the money and he told her no.

Is he going to take you to court to take her out of a one year program you are paying for? He might try but in the end would waste his money.

He’s in the weeds and its a waste of time. His lawyer is simply milking him for more money. Too bad someone in his circle doesn’t say stop doing this.
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Old 07-08-2019, 02:42 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
Anyone know if private schools are section 7? If they are- wouldn't the same rule apply as other section 7s? I would need his consent to claim to ask for his proportionate share of the expense. I'm okay with that.
Judges have an unfortunate habit of mostly dispensing with consent if it can be shown that the expense is in the best interests of the child. Private schools are easily promoted by a parent as being better than private schools.

Whether or not he provides consent, he could easily find himself stuck paying a proportionate share of the expense.

I do not think he is being unreasonable there at all. I would prefer my kids were in private school, but I have made the decision that I cannot afford it (or more accurately, I feel I can get better value for the money bringing the kids on a vacation). My ex could certainly afford her proportionate share, so if she got to choose then my financial decisions would be overridden and irrelevant.

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What I'm not okay with is asking for his consent to enroll her in the first place.
You feel strongly about this, but are surprised that your ex also feels strongly? In my experience, the most complicated obstacle to a separation agreement tends to be education, it is often hard to compromise.

Quote:
so I was thinking of just saying that if I decide on private school- I cover tuition completely. On the other hand- it seems stupid to just say he doesn't have to pay at all.
I guess his fears are justified. You will in fact ping him for a cost, and likely one that he feels he can ill afford. No wonder he is fighting.

Quote:
We agreed prior to separation that if we could afford it- we would like her to attend private/all girls school. If we were together- this would be the path we'd be taking for her education. But I know what someone is going to say "circumstances change, etc etc etc...."
When he said that he was married to a presumably successful lawyer and consequently in a household that was among the wealthiest in Canada. Predicting my response does not make it any less accurate . I also had lots of plans that changed when my financial circumstances were dramatically altered by my divorce.

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Suggestions?
Offer to pay 100% of educational fees until grade 12, with the condition that you have sole decision making power over educational decisions.

This is a no-brainer Iona. Even if you won, this would set up a multi-decade fight with him constantly telling your kids how private school is a waste and how their elitist mother likes to piss away money because she is rich while he can't buy them things because mommy forces him to pay for some useless school. And you know what? He would be kinda right. Private school is a luxury, forcing him to pay for a luxury that only you want is wrong.
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Old 07-08-2019, 03:39 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
I do not think he is being unreasonable there at all. I would prefer my kids were in private school, but I have made the decision that I cannot afford it (or more accurately, I feel I can get better value for the money bringing the kids on a vacation). My ex could certainly afford her proportionate share, so if she got to choose then my financial decisions would be overridden and irrelevant.

...

You feel strongly about this, but are surprised that your ex also feels strongly? In my experience, the most complicated obstacle to a separation agreement tends to be education, it is often hard to compromise.
With anyone else but my ex- I wouldn't think they were being unreasonable . Or even setting up to be unreasonable. I'm also not surprised he feels strongly about this. What's hard to determine is how much of this is about being pinged for costs, or how much of it is him trying to force me into a conversation with him, control stuff.

You're thinking like a reasonable person protecting themselves from an acrimonious divorce.

I'm thinking like a person who's dealing with an abusive asshole with control issues. He wants me to beg, grovel, plead...the works.

So what I'm trying to do is anticipate and deal with this issue. I don't think it's unreasonable for him to share part of the costs. Which is why I'm okay with the wording that section 7s be on consent. What I'm not okay with is him saying that I have to ask his permission to enroll her.


Quote:
I guess his fears are justified. You will in fact ping him for a cost, and likely one that he feels he can ill afford. No wonder he is fighting.
He makes over $110k a year. He's living at home with his mom. He took 60k from me when we separated (under the guise of an account being joint). He also banked everything he was making for the 4 years we were married (>100k), and I paid all the expenses, unbeknownst to me. He can afford it. He should afford it. Our daughter shouldn't suffer because her dad is an asshole. The point of private school for her too is that smaller class size = safer conditions for her allergies. Now, if she completes OIT (something else he's balking on)- problem probably solved.

Quote:
When he said that he was married to a presumably successful lawyer and consequently in a household that was among the wealthiest in Canada. Predicting my response does not make it any less accurate . I also had lots of plans that changed when my financial circumstances were dramatically altered by my divorce.
his household on his own is still within the wealthiest range. There's no reason he shouldn't continue to keep progressing in his career. He has no other children. There's no moral or logical reason for him not to want to continue the same path for her education.

Quote:
Offer to pay 100% of educational fees until grade 12, with the condition that you have sole decision making power over educational decisions.

This is a no-brainer Iona. Even if you won, this would set up a multi-decade fight with him constantly telling your kids how private school is a waste and how their elitist mother likes to piss away money because she is rich while he can't buy them things because mommy forces him to pay for some useless school. And you know what? He would be kinda right. Private school is a luxury, forcing him to pay for a luxury that only you want is wrong.
I will consider this. I'm touring a school that I would like her to go to. I think I can swing the tuition alone if I make some sacrifices (renting instead of owning, etc etc)...I'm okay with that. I am working on a long term financial plan. If I can swing it- I will put it in the offer.

At the end of the day- if he lands himself in jail again cause he can't control his temper. Or under employs himself, etc...I'm not relying on him to take care of her. But if he has the means- yeah, I'm going to make sure our agreement has the provisions to ensure that D2 is provided for.
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