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  • Without an agreement, what now?

    I post this question for a client who i work with:


    he left, one year ago, no agreement is in place yet. She has been living FT with two preschool children. He visits weekends and once a week in their family home. He is living on his office floor.

    He sent a note today indicating that he has a house and now wants both children to do an every other day schedule.

    What are her rights? What can she do?

    She has a lawyer but his lawyer is stalling and playing games.

  • #2
    Every other day is a lot of shuffling around for the kids. Perhaps she could put together an arrangement she thinks would be suitable and see if he agrees?

    Comment


    • #3
      That aside, can the dad simply start coming to get the children every other day? I think she is exhausted and just can't imagine the fight.

      I like the idea of presenting an agreement and i do believe that is legally underway with significant stalling from his lawyer's side

      Comment


      • #4
        Without an agreement or court order stating otherwise, both parents are entitled to custody of the kids equally. She sat on her hands when she should have filed for custody.

        So yeah, dad can see his kids more then he was. However every other day is a bit much. If I were her I would reply with reasonable offers of custody/parenting time.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Magpie View Post
          That aside, can the dad simply start coming to get the children every other day? I think she is exhausted and just can't imagine the fight.

          I like the idea of presenting an agreement and i do believe that is legally underway with significant stalling from his lawyer's side
          I think that there should be a schedule that works for with mom and dad and equally. Day on day off might be a little hectic. I would suggest a split. Mon & Tues/ wed & Thurs and eow. Fridays would be for the the parent that has the weekend. Solved! It maybe a little tuff at first...but the children will adapt. Guaranteed. The parents need to make it work...children will follow.

          Comment


          • #6
            Tons of options here. Every other day will be too disruptive and I can't see it flying in court.

            Week about, or 2/2/3 split, or 3/4 split are more viable, though it really depends on the age of the children. Your client is EXTRAORDINARILY lucky that his wife is a dumbass.

            She SHOULD have filed for custody, support and exclusive access to the marital home the second he left. He would have been BONED. Since she sat and did nothing, he has a much better outlook.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by NBDad View Post
              Tons of options here. Every other day will be too disruptive and I can't see it flying in court.

              Week about, or 2/2/3 split, or 3/4 split are more viable, though it really depends on the age of the children. Your client is EXTRAORDINARILY lucky that his wife is a dumbass.

              She SHOULD have filed for custody, support and exclusive access to the marital home the second he left. He would have been BONED. Since she sat and did nothing, he has a much better outlook.
              Amazing system we have. She is dumb so he won't get screwed. I guess we men need to find dumb women so that we don't get screwed if we break up.

              I know...this maybe crazy but how about a system where no one can get screwed! Won't fly because its men that mainly get screwed, multibillion dollar family law industry lots of highly paid lawyers would be out of a job if we had a fair system where no one got bent over the table.

              Maybe there is hope though. Now that woman are starting to get a taste of what we're going through. Maybe now someone will listen as to just how screwed up the system is.

              Comment


              • #8
                When my separation started that was one of my early thoughts. Here is a multi billion dollar industry dedicated to destroying families and making sure people split up and hate each other forever. Where's the industry that helps people work together and deal with their issues?

                There's just no money in happiness I guess.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by NBDad View Post
                  Tons of options here. Every other day will be too disruptive and I can't see it flying in court.

                  Week about, or 2/2/3 split, or 3/4 split are more viable, though it really depends on the age of the children. Your client is EXTRAORDINARILY lucky that his wife is a dumbass.

                  She SHOULD have filed for custody, support and exclusive access to the marital home the second he left. He would have been BONED. Since she sat and did nothing, he has a much better outlook.
                  Hey! why would you say that she is dumbass? May be she just one of thous who actually smart enough to not do what most would (would be called smart by you)

                  If she would do that do you think their relationship would be better by now? what about kids?

                  common man... try to think outside the box...

                  I knew and mom knew that we will not live together even before she got pregnant. She knew that for sure after she got pregnant. I did not file for custody right after child was born. We had a mutual agreement that we will have 50/50. I have to move out (to reduce conflict) when kid was 4 month old but take care about him (and mom too to some extend) and did not file to custody too.

                  Why? You probably would write that I am dumbass too. To be honest when mom put everything upside down and file application with a court I was thinking that about myself too.

                  Maybe from outside it looks like dumb but my priority #1 was a kid. I tried really hard to make his first year of life as less destructive as possible. Mom was breastfeeding what probably would not be possible bring we application to the court... Knowing know what a hell this Family court is I do not think I would change my priority ... Of course I would do a lot of things differently but my priority #1 still would be kid.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Wow this thread turned into a woman bashing one pretty quick.

                    She does not have to be dumb to not want to screw him. Maybe she is just a normal person that is reasonable, like most are.

                    It is only the loud minority that hang around here - it is not representative of how most people handle things.

                    Sounds like her lawyer is screwing things up. If he can go over to his previous home and be there that much, he should be able to setup a shared access/custody arrangement with the mom. Don't wait for an agreement to be made, push for equal access today (and by push I mean don't accept anything else).

                    It seems clear by opinion that every other day is not a good idea, however whatever works for them is what is important.

                    Sounds like a good guy - sacrificed his home etc while he figured things out, continued reasonable access with his kids given the living arrangements, and now wants equal access.

                    He should work with her and forget the letters - main goal is to get access going asap.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Thanks BILM
                      wow, i lost the thread and can't believe the bottom feeding that just happened in 24 hours. Holy crap.

                      Reality is, dad did the cliche folks... lied, affair, lied again, didn't tell her what was really happening. Reality is, he wasn't living on his office floor, he was living with his mistress (now you can use the verb boning -- okay).

                      Mom was nursing a 4 month old and home with a 2 year old. Head spinning.

                      And yes, thank you to those thoughtful (not bitter and angry folks) she did NOT want to go for the jugular and sure as sh&^% even a year later, can barely breathe let alone FIGHT with lawyers... she isn't made of that and bless her for it. She wants to talk to her guy, talk about truth, talk about why? she can't breathe. she still thinks she might be in a dream.. and a really bad one.

                      then i tell her i can get answers on the Forum and she reads the thread and she sees you calling her a DUMBASS. and the disenchantment is further deepened. instead of writing hateful mean (egodriven) comments like that perhaps a little breathing yourself might help the rest of us.

                      we are not going to get anywhere in this process if everything is read through the lens of "women are stupid greedy cows and men are d-bags and victims of these SGC women)

                      we need support and kindness. it kinda makes me feel ill that members need punching bags bad enough (still) to use strangers as their targets.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        If support and kindness is what you want, it can be found here, but it will come alongside a hearty helping of vitriol and bitterness too. There are some hateful, spiteful people here who post prolifically. Many of them even have great information, but it comes in a mean and angry little package sometimes. That's the hard reality - divorce isn't for sissies, and neither is this forum.

                        Calling her a dumbass isn't helpful. The same message can also be much more constructively phrased as "naive". However, she does need to grow a pair and step up or she is going to get bulldozed. It's awfully hash to tell someone who is reeling from having just watched her life implode to 'toughen up', but she has to. The message is easier to hear if it's expressed gently, but part of toughening up is recognizing good advice when it is packaged as insulting abuse.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          i will never think it necessary to "help" with the vehicle of insults and abuse.

                          bad karma lotus flower

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Magpie View Post
                            i will never think it necessary to "help" with the vehicle of insults and abuse.

                            bad karma lotus flower
                            Amen, couldn't have said it better myself!!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Magpie View Post
                              Thanks BILM
                              wow, i lost the thread and can't believe the bottom feeding that just happened in 24 hours. Holy crap.

                              Reality is, dad did the cliche folks... lied, affair, lied again, didn't tell her what was really happening. Reality is, he wasn't living on his office floor, he was living with his mistress (now you can use the verb boning -- okay).

                              Mom was nursing a 4 month old and home with a 2 year old. Head spinning.

                              And yes, thank you to those thoughtful (not bitter and angry folks) she did NOT want to go for the jugular and sure as sh&^% even a year later, can barely breathe let alone FIGHT with lawyers... she isn't made of that and bless her for it. She wants to talk to her guy, talk about truth, talk about why? she can't breathe. she still thinks she might be in a dream.. and a really bad one.

                              then i tell her i can get answers on the Forum and she reads the thread and she sees you calling her a DUMBASS. and the disenchantment is further deepened. instead of writing hateful mean (egodriven) comments like that perhaps a little breathing yourself might help the rest of us.

                              we are not going to get anywhere in this process if everything is read through the lens of "women are stupid greedy cows and men are d-bags and victims of these SGC women)

                              we need support and kindness. it kinda makes me feel ill that members need punching bags bad enough (still) to use strangers as their targets.
                              Isn't that what you're kind of doing now about him? Kind of looks that way. Reality is affairs ect have no consideration in courts anymore. Well not supposed to anyway, man or woman. So when anyone throws that info out there about an ex its either about venting, slanting or gaining support or sympathy and usually has nothing to do with whether court will allow cs or access etc. We are human and sometimes i guess we all need to get it off our chests so to speak.

                              Comment

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