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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 04-28-2006, 10:53 AM
2hopefull 2hopefull is offline
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Hi - looking for any advice, tips - my 9 year old hormonal daughter. Her father and I officially split last November, it was suppose to be civil but now he wants money etc so it's not nice. Her dad has brought new girlfriend in picture, he talks to her and they decide on the schedule - which I think is wrong for her development and so do a lot of experts but hey..

The problem is I'm having a hell of a time trying to focus her on school, attitude, bed time etc but I'm always the heavy and still am - Am I wrong to not give in and to emphasis homework etc. It's not that she doesn't play but I'm my instinct says letting her get away with things because he does and he's the fun parent and I would like a bit of sunny disposition in my life is not what's best for her. I'm not talking boot camp at home just taking responsibility of your stuff, not spending on every little want - that kind of thing.

I'm just tired of always making bad choices/calls.

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Old 04-28-2006, 12:48 PM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
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Have you considered talking to your former spouse and explaining to him what you have observed in regards to your child's behavior. Maybe a consistent approach from both parent's will help, it would definitely be in the child's interest if it did occur.

I am not sure if you are able to communicate with your ex and if your relationship is amicable, but it wouldn't hurt to try.

I see your point that you don't want to be the drill Sergent parent while the other parent is seen as having a laissez faire attitude in child rearing.
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Old 04-28-2006, 01:23 PM
2hopefull 2hopefull is offline
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unfortunately the problem with the ex is like always, he's not consistant and it's usually about him. Seriously it's not the bitter break-up that makes me say this. He didn't even support councilling for her - which of course made it impossible to bring her there any longer.

I know in a perfect world we should be working for her best interests but...

Is this going to get worse with her? Apparently I was told her challenging me is because she feels safe with me but yesh .... how to instill values, and continuity. Will she resent me more if I insist on schedule for homework etc?
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Old 04-28-2006, 02:15 PM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
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The one thing I would instill to your child is make her aware why there is a consistent schedule ie: the importance of homework. Afterall you want the best for her and to do well in school and in life. Your child may see your perspective.

Upcoming adolescents of your child is around the corner. They do have parenting courses that teach techniques to deal with adolescent years. Teenagers have so much peer pressure on them.
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Old 05-01-2006, 09:21 AM
jlalex jlalex is offline
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I know just how you feel!! I have 2 kids, 9 and 13 and when they are at their Dads its like a virtual funland..they go out to McDonalds..go to the movies, play video games etc.. but when they are with me I'm all about the homework, clean your rooms, do your chores etc...not a whole lot of fun from a kids perspective

I'm afraid there isn't much you can do. You could try to talk to your ex but ultimately it will be up to him how he deals with your daughter. This situation is still pretty new for her so give it some time. You just need to do whats right for her, thats all that anyone can expect.

I know its not easy always being 'the bad guy' but you don't want to sacrifice your daughters upbringing..what you are doing is important and necessary for her well being. One day in the future she'll understand. Its your job as a parent.

Try to do some fun things with her, and enjoy your time together..just because you have rules that need to be followed doesn't mean you have to be an ogre, you two can have fun together too without it damaging your relationship. As hard as it can be sometimes I try my best to be happy for my kids that they have good times and memories of things they do with their Dad, ulitmately I want their happiness.

Take care and good luck!
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Old 05-01-2006, 09:37 AM
2hopefull 2hopefull is offline
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thank you for your reply - I've always tried to keep that balance, I feel it's too important just to "let the good times roll" and forget all the other stuff - I'm in my late 30's and feel closer to my parents and understand the 'strict' italian upbringing for what it was - family, support, thinking of others etc.. I want her to feel that belonging too. I understand that being a parent is not easy and I know it's silly but I remember when she was a baby thinking - I can't wait to do homework with her.
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