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  • Spousal Support Review

    In two more months, I will have been paying spousal support for three years for my six year marriage. Our minutes of settlement indicate:

    -At the time of separation Mom had been unemployed since leaving her job in December 2006 in order to be at home with Child and take care of him full-time. As such, Dad agrees that Mom is entitled to spousal support in the amount of $1,075.00 per month until such time as Child is attending school full days and she can seek employment. Mom agrees that she must make every effort to become self sufficient by September 2013.

    -Mom agrees that spousal support is fixed at the amount of $1,075.00 regardless of any post-separation increases in salary.

    -Mom’s entitlement to spousal support shall be reviewed as of September 1, 2013 as it is expected that Child will be attending school full-days by then. If the parties are unable to negotiate a satisfactory resolution of this issue within 30 days, either party may commence a Court proceeding to deal with this issue.

    It appears that everything is on track. Our child will be in school full-time. I have approached my ex and offered some transitional support in the form of an extra $200/month in child support for one year. In e-mail she agreed with this proposal. Now I have had an amending agreement drafted which includes clauses terminating entitlement to spousal support due to the clauses above, and adding $200/month transitional support for the 2013/2014 school year.

    However now she says will refuse to sign anything that ends spousal support... I was rather confused she had already agreed a few weeks before to the transitional support. She previously indicated in her e-mails that she does not want an extension of spousal support. She is also working now, making some income by running a home daycare. She has multiple university degrees and other certifications but doesn't want to send our son to a daycare so that she could work outside the home. However, that is her decision and she should be dealing with the financial consequences of that decision at this point, not me. She did, after all, receive an unequal division of assets totalling more than $70,000 in addition to the support she has been receiving. I agreed to that in order to avoid court.

    I am unsure of the correct way to conduct this "review" for entitlement. My son will be in school, so by my reading, SS will simply terminate and no further agreement or court order is necessary. She seems to believe otherwise... even though she already agreed in writing as to what should happen in September which included a generous to offer for transitional support above and beyond what I am required to pay.

    She is very hard to deal with and very controlling. I am leaning towards ceasing further communications with her to try and get an amending agreement when no amendments are really necessary. I will simply increase my CS on July 1st (based on my NOA), cease SS and pay some extra CS in September, and ignore her. It would seem to me that if she believes she is entitled to more SS it would be up to her to motion for a change, although it would seem unlikely to succeed given the agreement and that there have been no circumstances that would invalidate it.

    Thoughts?
    Last edited by FightingForFamily; 06-12-2013, 11:14 AM.

  • #2
    I'm certainly no expert on SS.

    But I think your offer of extra child support for a year is more than generous.

    Since your court order states when spousal will terminate, I would simply send her an email around August 15 indicating that you will be terminating ss payments as of September 1 in accordance with your court order and end it at that.

    Sounds to me like trying to negotiate with her will be just like banging your head on a wall.

    Comment


    • #3
      Your agreement clearly states that the spousal support will be reviewed (not ended) in Sept 2013. So you can't unilaterally stop the support then. It also states that if you can't negotiate a resolution that you have to go back to court.

      Comment


      • #4
        Why not this:

        Instead of paying an increase in CS as proposed, your review reduces SS to $200 for 1 year? That way she gets her idea that SS hasn't ceased, and you accomplish the same thing, but get the benefit of being able to write it off?

        If you can swing it, that is a win/win for you.

        Comment


        • #5
          Mom’s entitlement to spousal support shall be reviewed as of September 1, 2013 as it is expected that Child will be attending school full-days by then. If the parties are unable to negotiate a satisfactory resolution of this issue within 30 days, either party may commence a Court proceeding to deal with this issue.

          I really think that you should follow the above....terminating SS is not what the above is saying you should do!

          Have you spoken to your lawyer yet?

          How long was the marriage?

          What is her present income?

          Why does she think SS should not end?

          I think you may be headed to mediation on this....

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Learner View Post
            Your agreement clearly states that the spousal support will be reviewed (not ended) in Sept 2013. So you can't unilaterally stop the support then. It also states that if you can't negotiate a resolution that you have to go back to court.
            My mistake, I misread.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by good_mom View Post
              Mom’s entitlement to spousal support shall be reviewed as of September 1, 2013 as it is expected that Child will be attending school full-days by then. If the parties are unable to negotiate a satisfactory resolution of this issue within 30 days, either party may commence a Court proceeding to deal with this issue.

              I really think that you should follow the above....terminating SS is not what the above is saying you should do!

              Have you spoken to your lawyer yet?

              How long was the marriage?

              What is her present income?

              Why does she think SS should not end?

              I think you may be headed to mediation on this....
              In the first clause it states: "Mom is entitled to spousal support in the amount of $1,075.00 per month until such time as Child is attending school full days and she can seek employment."

              The type of review for this order is specifically a review for entitlement. Review orders can cover duration, amount, entitlement or any combination thereof:

              "Mom’s entitlement to spousal support shall be reviewed as of September 1, 2013"

              The "test" for entitlement is the child's ability to attend full time school. The reason this test even exists is because our child is autistic and 3 years ago we didn't really know if he would be able to attend school full-days. He is doing well, and he can attend, fortunately for everyone he is not severely impaired.

              I have mentioned September to my lawyer but have not given her any action to take, especially since my ex and I had reached an agreement through e-mail about what we planned to do.

              As indicated in my OP, the marriage was 6 years, and I have paid SS according to the SSAG for 3 years, and offered additional support for a fourth year.

              My ex claimed in e-mail that she did not wish to extend spousal support (I offered her $350 per month as reduced SS for another year) which I negotiated down to $200 since I would not be able to claim it as a deduction since she didn't want it as SS.

              She has never disclosed any of her financials either during the divorce nor since. She sends me a blank NOA each year with no income on it aside from SS, though when we split section 7 expenses she provided estimated of all the money she is receiving.

              As for her home daycare, I do not know how much income she earns. A quick estimate would be for 2-3 kids at $800/month, since she only has an appartment. I know she currently has this many kids though I do not know if they are half or full day.

              In any case, 2 kids = $1600/month which is more than the $1075 in SS so she is self sufficient based on the information I have.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                Why not this:

                Instead of paying an increase in CS as proposed, your review reduces SS to $200 for 1 year? That way she gets her idea that SS hasn't ceased, and you accomplish the same thing, but get the benefit of being able to write it off?

                If you can swing it, that is a win/win for you.
                That was what I originally offered her. I offered a higher amount ($350) as SS for 1 more year instead. She refused. She said she didn't want to extend SS, she wanted the extra money to be S7 for child care... which was odd but whatever.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Learner View Post
                  Your agreement clearly states that the spousal support will be reviewed (not ended) in Sept 2013. So you can't unilaterally stop the support then. It also states that if you can't negotiate a resolution that you have to go back to court.
                  We did negotiate a resolution. I have in writing from her: "I accept your proposal."

                  The proposal was for increase CS starting in Sept rather than SS.

                  But now she won't sign off on it. I'm not clear if she won't sign it at all, or she won't sign it until closer to Sept.

                  The point is, we have an agreement, and I will follow what we agreed to even if she wants to drag her heels on making it a formal amended agreement.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Just wanted to end my SS story here.

                    With three weeks to go until Sept and the review date, I sent a letter to my ex notifying that pursuant to the order, because our child was in school full days and she has been working for 6 months so far, I would be ending SS to her unless there was more discussion.

                    I received one of the most venomous emails I've ever received in my life as a response. In it she indicated that *I* was a leech on her, that I was greedy for wanting my own salary and so on. Holy projection batman.

                    But she ended it by saying she had decided I was not worth her time to chase for more support. I have never been so happy to not be worth someone's time.

                    So next week for the first time ever I will be able to keep my salary (aside from CS) for myself. I intend to spend my money on... my car and finally taking my cats to the vet. It has been a very difficult three years of wage slavery.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Congrats...I think ss is a bigger rip off than our Senate.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        You need to have a party, you are finally divorced

                        Comment

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