CP Demands That NCP Pay Extra To See Child On Court-Ordered Days - Any Advice?

[Mark1968]

Ah, but she wants a written and signed agreement and the $$$ before the holidays. Otherwise, it's a good idea - one we actually considered too! ;-)

So another suggestion. Why don't you keep documenting her demand, which are outside the current support/custody order, and not take yoiur husband's child for the holiday but in your documentation show how she stopped it and ask for the time to be returned to you via court order whether it be during summer or winter vacation.

And yes, I shoud not propagate this, but considering your husband's ex is so hard nosed, why not be the same and ensure that she must pay for all daycare expenses when he s/he is on holidays with you during the summer.

[first timer]

Call her bluff, show-up for the scheduled access time, if she refuses call the police and wait for them to show-up. Have your court order with you and tell the police you are at the CP's home for your court-ordered access time, give them the details but that she is refusing to let you have your child and the consent form to travel with your child. She may give in before the police show-up, hopefully, if not you will have documented evidence of her denying you access to your child against the court order. The police may or may not get involved and you may end up leaving empty handed but there will be a record. Get the police officers info and the record number to use in family court. This may seem drastic but she seems to not respond to anything less. Could also give her a heads up of your plan to call the police if she denies you access and the consent form to travel, she may give in sooner.

Just so you know the court may not see your situation as an emergency, I know that is not how you feel but unless the child is in danger or is being relocated without your consent, the courts do not always see anything less as an emergency. The court will not agree with her actions but that does not really help your situation, it just verifies that she is not abiding by the court order.

Remember its just a suggestion, don't do anything you are not comfortable with, I happen to be a little forceful in my approach since I too am dealing with an unreasonable ex, however my approach works in my case, since the ex is all bark and no bite. I hope you get to enjoy your Christmas holiday with your loved ones, good luck!

[#1StepMom]

Well, she left a message last night saying: "I'm agreeable to the court ordered holiday schedule and to providing the signed consent to travel - I really want for [child] to be able to go on vacation with you, it would be good for him - as long as you agree to ALL the expenses associated with your vacations, including the full costs for time away from daycare."

Any thoughts?

She is pretty much still intertwining access with child support (specifically daycare expenses). My husband told her that he will only abide by the court order which reads that ALL daycare costs shall be split in proportion to income. She interprets this as only the daycare costs that are incurred with her consent... and that daycare costs during the time that the child is on court-ordered vacation or access with his father are NOT a shared expense because she doesn't agree with the child being out of daycare during those court-ordered times.

Would you say that she is in contempt of the court order?

I'm sure she can twist her words in ways that would look favourable to the judge... she has done it so many times before... and succeeded.

[billiechic]

No wonder everyone drinks a lot in Ont.

How did this add to the discussion?

[billiechic]

First timer has good advice. This woman is NEVER going to play fair, she is incapable. I know showing up and having to call the cops may be traumatizing on the child, but isn't being denied a vacation with his dad just as traumatizing? Probably more so. The child may think you don't want him. DON"T let him think that. I know you are good parents to him, and he probably doesn't know about all that crap going on, but please fight for him.

[#1StepMom]

Well, my husband spent the ENTIRE day at the courthouse today.

After speaking with FLIC and trial coordinators, this is what he found out...

He cannot file an emergency motion. It is too late to file any motion, if the case it to be held within the next 7 business days. The only court date available is on the 23rd, and it will be packed and crammed, and judges will not be happy. Given the ridiculousness of the matter, the judge would most likely kick them out of court.

So, this leaves us with 2 options:

1. Be extorted by her - agree to pay in order to vacation with the child;

2. Tell her that he will not be extorted by her, and that he intends to abide by the holiday schedule as it was agreed upon, and expects to receive a signed consent to travel as per the court order. Then wait and see what happens.

The lawyer advised that we go with option 2, because if we pay her, it will set a precendent and we may end up having to pay her off every holiday. The lawyer confirmed that my husband is in no way responsible for the full daycare fees, and that daycare is a shared total expense, regardless of whether the child is ill, on vacation with the CP, or on court-ordered vacation with the NCP.

So, my husband sent his son's mother an email stating exactly that... that what she is doing is extortion, that he consulted with a lawyer who confirmed he is in no way responsible for the full daycare fees, that he intends to exercise his holiday access, and that he expects her to provide a signed consent to travel as per the court order.

So if she says "no" to the access or to the contempt, we will be able to use that in court saying she was in contempt of the order and refused access.

The only problem is that voice recordings are inadmissible in court - which lets us know why all of a sudden a few weeks back, she stopped communicating in writing and claimed she will only communicate on the phone or in person.

This is ridiculously stressful.

[#1StepMom]

In talking with my husband last night we realized that if we don't pay her off (as we ended up having to do in past Christmas in order to see his son over the holidays) we may not see the child at all.

We really would like to have a happy Christmas, and be able to go away as we planned.

Should we just pay her off again? Or should we listen to the lawyer's advice and stand firm in telling her that we're not paying, but that we expect her to abide by the agreed-upon schedule and court order? (The only problem is that the lawyer, like all lawyer we've ever spoken with, assumes that my stepson's mom is a somewhat reasonable person.)

What do we do? We're torn.

It's extortion. It's blackmail.

Any suggestions?

[independentgal]

Definitely stand firm and listen to the lawyer's advice. It won't stop with that woman unless you do this. And even then, it isn't a guarantee she won't do it in the future, but you WILL win this if you took her to motions court.

[#1StepMom]

Definitely stand firm and listen to the lawyer's advice. It won't stop with that woman unless you do this. And even then, it isn't a guarantee she won't do it in the future, but you WILL win this if you took her to motions court.

Yes, but unfortunately this cannot be dealt with in court before Christmas. So we'll have to wait and see what happens and deal with it in the New Year.

[standing on the sidelines]

I like this guy I spoke with today. I think when things begin to get ugly eveyone should get into mediatiion. Saves your sanity and time and money.

Mediation will only work when both parties are willing to give and take.

[standing on the sidelines]

No wonder everyone drinks a lot in Ont. .

i am offended by this statement. EVERYONE?? Where do you get your information from??

[billiechic]

that is not the first time that erroneous statments have been made about Ontarians and Canadians...

[billiechic]

Bu but you can call me a b.... and a nutt and loon and that is oki.
.

Please show me where I called you ANY names. Please, post parts of the PMs I send you apologising. I challenge you to find eveidence that I have EVER said anything against you.

You are digging your self a hole. I am NOT out to get you. I disagreed with ONE piece of advice you provided and now you are making it look like I am attacking you. GIVE IT UP!

If you want to post nasty things suggesting that Canadians drink a lot, you are going to have to deal with the repercussions. I suggest you read your posts over prior to hitting submit.

[standing on the sidelines]

Please show me where I called you ANY names. Please, post parts of the PMs I send you apologising. I challenge you to find eveidence that I have EVER said anything against you.

You are digging your self a hole. I am NOT out to get you. I disagreed with ONE piece of advice you provided and now you are making it look like I am attacking you. GIVE IT UP!

If you want to post nasty things suggesting that Canadians drink a lot, you are going to have to deal with the repercussions. I suggest you read your posts over prior to hitting submit.

to be technical she said that everyone in Ontario drinks alot.So I guess we are all suppose to be a bunch of drunks in Ontario. She keeps posting about U.S. stuff and there is no need for that. This site is for Canadian divorces, I really do not care what they may or may not do in the states.It is two different systems.

[billiechic]

[quote=scared1;31619]Bu but you can call me a b.... and a nutt and loon and that is oki.

FUnny name calling here is a one way street.

The orders are not worth much. If the laws and orders have no teeth why bother giong to court and wasting time and money when one parents can continue to drag things out and oh BI you said the F word to me so do not act so innocent.


Bill you told me in your pm that there is not much help in the shelters but if i posted help here you say it is useless. So, is the entire taxes and laws and court uselss. That is what you are saying.

But I dare post another helpful thing i get condemned get called names but I cannot speak. Grow up!

[quote]
Standing, she was referring to me. She is claiming that I have called her names when I did not. I have sent PMs to her to address the problem, and then she posts misinformation about what I wrote to her. THat is not right, and certainly untrue.

For this reason I am going to post the PMs that I sent to her. I will not post her responses though. I know it is probably against the rules of this forum, so I may be banned. I don't care. I have PMed both Jeff and LV asking them to intervene and have not recieved much help. Not even a PM explaining what I have done wrong here.

This woman is slandering me and using every post I make against me, all because I posted that women who aren't abused should not use services at womens shelters because they are meant for abused women. She is taking all of this way too personally. I am not the only person fed up with her behaviour. If I have to take the punishment, so be it.