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  • Originally posted by arabian View Post
    A few weeks after you put your child in the program, and your ex is comfortable with your daughter's adjustment) you should ask your ex to look into her contribution by OW (I believe there is usually provision for this for people who are genuinely looking for work). This would accomplish 2 things - a) cut your costs and b) alert OW that your ex has no childcare constraints keeping her from obtaining employment.

    I'm curious LF32 = how much does this pre/after school care cost?

    My son loved this program (many years ago) and I recall back in the 80's it was around 200.00/month. Son was/is an only child and he loved the opportunity to play with other children. At first I felt rather silly putting him in the program as I was quite able to pick him up after school but then I soon saw the benefit.
    The program is very good. I'll get back to you on the costs.. Enjoying a nice cup of coffee and papers upstairs..lol

    So I think for the first week we'll do it like this and starting next week of Feb 8th I'll do "extended day". That's what it's there for.

    Comment


    • Use the EDP for your days. While it's true that a kid shouldn't be with a daycare provider when the other parent is available, this tends to be more for full days, overnight or extended periods, not simply before and after school.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by OntarioDaddy View Post
        Doesn't matter. Your "goal" would allow for the change to bring a motion.
        Judge would have a tough decision. Totally change it for D, full time with LF now and hope the completely new situation is OK with D. (Unknown) Or, let D continue to live full time with Ex. (Known)
        None of what you write makes sense sorry.
        It would be a no brainier for the judge.

        1. Stability, friends, church, neighborhoods, long term lease, full time job with predictable hours, 50/50 regime

        VS.

        2. Move ex and D4 to QC away from all of the stability, friends, etc because ex wont work here?

        That would be an unworkable position, ex has already addressed the issue in courts saying that she would never do that and like it or not D4 has a step family here whom she loves and adores. Every inch of the CLRA's best interests test is met by D4 remaining here.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
          Use the EDP for your days. While it's true that a kid shouldn't be with a daycare provider when the other parent is available, this tends to be more for full days, overnight or extended periods, not simply before and after school.
          Thanks Blink. That's what I was thinking also.

          Comment


          • That makes sense. Do you have the option of part-time with a reduced rate?

            Comment


            • Most people who have kids and are on welfare, are exempt from the mandatory reporting where looking for work is concerned. That is usually until kids are in school full time, which would be why welfare hasn't dealt with her yet. I know this first hand as you may recall I had my cousin (a young mom) living with us and she was on welfare. I went with her to her intake appointment and the lady actually stated to her she wouldn't have to look for work for 5 years which would be when her son was in school full time. It is sorta a double edged sword for OW because if they force them to work, more likely than not they would have to pay subsidies for daycare, so either way the mom is getting a large chunk.

              I don't think LF needs to worry about his ex on her days. Use the before and after for his days and what mom decides on her days is up to her.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by arabian View Post
                Mobility order in place. Ex may have grown up in Quebec and family may live there but court would care less. Best interests of child is what counts. If ex tried this move then it would be a shoe-in for sole custody for LF32. Don't forget that his ex repeatedly assured the court that she was going to work in ONTARIO.
                correct if I am wrong but the current agreement doesn't have a mobility clause it was the previous order that did.

                Comment


                • I'm going to play devil's advocate. If the situation were reversed, and your ex needed to use the extended program while you were available instead, would you be ok with it?

                  If the honest answer is yes, then you should use it for yourself and establish that D4 has two households that are independent and each follow their own schedule and routine.

                  If the honest answer is no, then take your ex's suggestion.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by OntarioDaddy View Post
                    Doesn't matter. Your "goal" would allow for the change to bring a motion.
                    Judge would have a tough decision. Totally change it for D, full time with LF now and hope the completely new situation is OK with D. (Unknown) Or, let D continue to live full time with Ex. (Known)
                    difficult decision? I don't think so.

                    If LF32's ex were to deny parenting time and moved child out of Province without prior knowledge and permission from LF32, then LF32 would be within his right to file an urgent motion himself. Mother can live wherever she likes but would be told to do so without minor child. I would think that temporary full custody would then be awarded to LF32 pending a trial for change of custody, and a bunch of those conferences would again ensue. Would same LAO lawyer represent the ex? No welfare, no address in Ontario.... doubtful.

                    We can all speculate but facts are that by consent the parties currently share 50/50 custody. Any party removing child from area would be in pretty deep doo-doo at this point IMO.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                      correct if I am wrong but the current agreement doesn't have a mobility clause it was the previous order that did.
                      Orders are in effect until removed or replaced by another Order. Therefore, the mobility Order is still in effect.

                      On top of the mobility Order from motion judge a year ago, there would be endorsements from conference judge who added in that ex should giving LF32 a detailed itinerary of any and all travel out-of-province.

                      I believe that the current agreement would have to have wording specifically along the lines of "this agreement replaces the Order of _________(date) of ____________(name of justice) ___________(in its entirety or paragraph xyz).

                      Perhaps someone else can chime in here (Orleans Lawyer?).

                      I went through 6 years of court and any changes to Orders had to be very specific.

                      The parties in this case received ILA by their lawyers and agreement was drafted by their respective lawyers.
                      Last edited by arabian; 01-31-2016, 12:37 PM.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                        My ex stated that she still wasn't seeking employment. She said that since my work hours don't coordinate with picking/dropping D4 up at her school that I cold drop and pick her up at ex's house and she would pick up and drop off from school.

                        I don't want to do this as this will be another excuse for her to not work, etc.

                        Good news is that the school has "Extended Day Program" (mornings beginning at 7:15am and after school until 6:00pm). This is pretty helpful except it costs an arm and a leg.

                        It's a tad irritating because with the school options in my area, all driving was taken care of and "Extended Day Programs" were FREE.
                        I think you should definitely go with the extended day. You want to avoid unnecessary transitions so as not to stress out D4. Remember how this was a big problem for your ex over the last couple of years?

                        Why add an extra transition (you to ex then ex to school) when you can have just one (you to school)?

                        So what if it costs an arm and a leg. Your ex is on the hook for her % of it. Even if her share is small, it's still going to be a drain she won't like. She'll either have to get a job to help pay for it, or become more receptive to the idea of moving D4 to a different school that works better for everyone.

                        It may hurt your own budget for a while, especially since your share is probably high, but think of it as a price to pay now that may get you a change to a better school.

                        She chose this school so she could manipulate you into bringing the child to her on your time. Everybody knows it. So don't fall for it.

                        Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                        The j/k room was kind of gross with old worn out toys ... but it was a "male" j/k teacher which threw my ex off pretty good (remember she says D4 dislikes men).
                        Oh look! Another reason your ex may support a change to another school. Did she not realize the teacher was male when she chose that school? Even if you don't think that's a problem, any time your ex suggests it might be, you can 'supportively' bring up the idea of changing to a different school.

                        Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                        Also, I'm concerned about my ex's attachment stuff hindering D4's experience. I hope there's not something created where ex can say D4 was "too scared", or "not ready" or "refused to go" while in her care. Another thing was the j/k teacher telling us we can drop in during the day whenever we want .... which means ex will .. but D4 needs to discover her independence now in my opinion and hanging out in the j/k room could do more harm than good.
                        If you are using the extended hours, at least your ex can only not bring the child to school on her own days. Another benefit for them, despite the cost. And if your ex is in the classroom a lot, she'll either do a good job, in which case D4 benefits, or she'll do a bad job in which case the teacher will ask her to stop. If the latter happens, I bet your ex would more become receptive to changing schools.

                        "You don't think this school is working out, Ex? How about we try school ABC near me? It has a female teacher and the EDP is more affordable."

                        Remember, your ex only chose this school to exert control and piss you off while court was still on and her lawyer was still influencing her. She may relinquish those ideas as she appears to have done to many others following your settlement.

                        Comment


                        • Agree go for the extended day in the school. It's totally tax deductible, so you will get 30% or so back from tax return. You can choose the days, so will only need to do the days you pick daughter up.

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                          • All great advice. Thanks everybody.

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                            • Originally posted by arabian View Post
                              That makes sense. Do you have the option of part-time with a reduced rate?
                              Not 100% sure, but my understanding for EDP at the schools are a pick and choose when you need it. You make your arrangements for the upcoming month, the days do not need to be the same, nor does your child needs to be in full time to be able to have a spot.

                              Ie: you could have your child in every third Monday before school, Wednesdays before and after school and Thursday after school if that's what you needed.

                              Typically it's about $10-12 for either before or after school, and $22-24 per day if you use before and after. You only pay for what you use.

                              My experience is with 4 different EDP at different schools and it has been the same at each. Some may be different.

                              Comment


                              • Why would you want Ex to lose her OW? Sounds spiteful to me.

                                Who do you think will also suffer? D4 will have to suffer another move when she loses her housing. Perhaps even change schools to Mom's new neighbourhood?

                                Ex will be stressed out and lack money. Groceries could be a problem.

                                How would all those things affect your daughter???

                                Why??? Simply so you can force Mom to get a job??? I stayed at home for years with my children (albeit not on welfare). Let the woman decide for herself. Forcing her hand through a disclosure to OW seems petty and spiteful. Just leave it alone. You never know what sort of consequences "reporting" her can have. I'd leave it alone.

                                Comment

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